::that thing we search for smooth skin to wrinkles::

***

she came running in smiling ear to ear.
"he called me my eisley!"

i giggled and said "yes you are his eisley. he loves you so much."
she smiled a knowing smile and ran back to her room to play.

ownership.
we all desire it
we want to be claimed.
we want someone to want us. to call us "my," "mine," "beloved."
we search for it smooth skin to wrinkles.
this quest, that consumes yet hides in the darkness, paves the way to contentment or demise.

he looked me in the eyes when he said the words that were untrue.
"i love you."
he didn't.
i didn't love him either. i loved the idea of being in love with him.

demise.

seven years later those words resurface. but this time, this one, means it.
he loved me for a while from a distance and has promised to love me forever.
i love.
i am loved.
i am his.

can she skip the untrue?
can she skip the heartache and go straight to the bliss of true love and the promise of forever?

i know the answer. 
so i will show her love at all cost along the way. i will call her "my," "mine," and "beloved," in hopes that she will recognize the lie and wait for the truth.


*linking up with heather for just write

::phoebe or rachel::

arms flailing...sort of like that episode of friends where Phoebe and Rachel are running buddies. she's Phoebe. i am too often Rachel.

smile ear to ear.
she runs and squeals totally unaware of my presence.
she doesn't care who is watching.
she is not performing.
she is not seeking approval.
she has no need to impress.
she feels no insecurity.


in turn, she feels freedom.
she feels joy inexplicable.
she feels wild abandon.
she is at play.
play = joy.

she is teaching me life abundant...and i am thankful.

have you played with wild abandon today?

:: no one as good as him::

:photo source::

she picks out the book and lays it on the bed. i notice her watching me. waiting for my response. she chose that one again. the one that makes me cry. she knows this and is curious.

the lines read,

"the last time that you said you'd marry me when you grew old"

and she asks,

"mommy, can little girls marry their daddy's?"

she shares her dream often. she will marry daddy. durgin will marry me and we will live side by side. she's five and this is her reality. however, her question was more serious this time. as if someone has already told her the answer. so i respond with the honesty she is seeking.

"no eisley, they can't."

her lip turns out and head tips towards the floor. she is overcome with sadness at this news. searching my mind for wisdom and comfort, i say,

"you can marry someone as good as daddy."

she looks at me with pure conviction and responds through tears,

"but there is no one as good as daddy."

he has set the bar extremely high and i pray she never seeks less than a man like her daddy.




"

::thoughts on motherhood [5 tips for cultivating a good attitude in your little ones]::

:photo:

1. wake your children with a silly song and give them time to get their insides awake.
durgin, 2 years old, usually wakes and plays in his crib around 7am. he's a happy camper from the first light of day. eisley, nearly 5 years old, is a different story. if she is allowed to wake up on her own she is a happy girl. if i have to wake her, like most week days to get ready for preschool, she does not like that one bit. so as to make her re-entry into reality a bit less harsh i sing silly songs like "the cows get up in the morning" or "this old man" or "you are my sunshine." i open her blinds and let daylight spill in and give her a few more minutes to enjoy the warmth of her bed.

2. breakfast is served with a smile and comments about it not being her favorite are ignored. it's simply the morning grumpies and i have to give her time to come out of them. her bible book follows us to the table and she chooses which story to read while she and durgin enjoy a yummy breakfast. this has been great for me because it calls me to the table. to sit and be still and enjoy my darlings instead of washing dishes and sweeping up and prepping lunch.

3. immediately after breakfast we continue with our morning routine. potty, brush teeth and comb hair, get dressed and put coat and shoes by the door. once these things are out of the way they are free to play until we leave for preschool.

4. i encourage her to reach out to someone different each day at school. we talk about bullies and those that don't have many friends. she watched the Grinch a couple of weeks ago and that has become a reference point for the effects of love on a bully or someone unkind.

5. i make sure to recognize and comment and encourage when i see she is acting out of love. in turn, i give lots of grace when she does not.


what do you do to encourage a loving heart and attitude with your little ones?

::thoughts on mothering {kissing edition}::

:photo:

yesterday i heard the words come out of my FOUR YEAR OLD daughters mouth that i thought i wouldn't hear for at least another 10 years (of course hoping for 20).

"i kissed a boy on the playground today."

what. the. heck. (i thought to myself)

first response: eyebrows up, typical mommy face, followed by, you did what?

"i kissed a boy on the playground today."

why?

cause he likes me and i like him.


again. what. the. heck.

you see... we do not encourage boyfriend-girlfriend mushy stuff. we want her to be a kid while she is a kid with no thought for kissing and such until the time is appropriate....when she's 30!!!!

okay okay, regroup.

we don't kiss boys eisley.

yes i can. if i like them i can. (honestly, where does she get this stuff?)

no, no you can't. that's not appropriate and i don't want you doing that (eyebrows still up, followed by dead stare).

then in the back of my mind i hear gravel spinning as the punk teenage guy that i liked  at 16 years old was leaving my house. this was after coming to collect his birthday present that i spent my hard earned money on and he didn't even thank me.

to which my mother says: you are not to see him anymore.
to which i respond from behind tears, with all the drama of a daytime soap opera,  yes i can!!
the following day i saw him and many after that. i didn't even like him anymore. she was right. he was a jerk but that ol' rebellious spirit encouraged my will to be lived out.

YIKES!


so later eisley and i sit on the couch side-by-side.

mind you i have been praying to myself all evening on how i should handle this. i know you are probably thinking it's not that big of a deal, it's just kids kissing on the playground. and you might be right.

then i remember sitting at the lunch table in the 6th grade while all my friends who have kissed, and french-kissed at that, are telling me to practice on my hand so i'll know what to do. so there i am in the middle of the lunch room making out with the side of my thumb.

so, ahem, back to the couch.
take #2.

eisley, i want you to save your kisses.

why, mommy?

because one day you will meet someone like daddy that you will love like mommy loves daddy and you will want all of your kisses for him.

i could see her processing.

that's when i started tickling her all over and said: you'd better save those kisses. don't you give my kisses or daddy's kisses away. we want them all because we love you so much. lots of giggles and snuggles followed. and that was that.


heaven help this little mama.

::a mommy who says {yes}::

:photo:

recently i read this post and this post about saying {YES} to our children.

so in response to these readings i said::

yes eisley, you can play dress up.
yes eisley, we can be fairies and chase each other throughout the house.
yes eisley, i will come see what you have created, right now.
yes eisley, you can have one more minute to play.
yes eisley, we can snuggle and watch a show before bed.
yes eisley, we can read two books tonight.
yes eisley, you can sleep with 357 toys tonight.

and what did i get in return??

yes mommy, i'm coming to the dinner table.
yes mommy i will try everything on my plate.
yes mommy, i'm coming to the bath.
yes mommy, i will help durgin.
yes mommy, it's time for bed.
good night mommy, i love you forever.

::what do crayons and good behavior have in common?::

for a small window in time my four year old decided to go through her "terrible two's" stage.  in the midst of this season we realized two things. one she needed more one on one time with both mommy and daddy. two we needed to implement a rewards system in hopes of redirecting her focus.

so hmmm....what do we have in the house to use for her rewards jar?
ah yes... a mason jar and crayons. we have TONS of crayons!

and so the reward system began. she gets crayons for things like first time obedience, manners, kindness, making her bed, cleaning up her toys, etc.

when she reaches 10 crayons she gets to pick a treat from the "treat bowl."

the treat bowl has candy, suckers, and fun little treats. we do not do sweets on the regular around here so this is a BIG DEAL to my little one. you should see her savor her treats.  it's precious.

so for us....positive reinforcement has been just that...positive.

what are some ways you encourage good behavior in your children?
do you have a rewards system in place?

::growing our girls....with audrey hepburn::

"For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.

People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms.

As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself and the other for helping others."

— Audrey Hepburn

can i just step on my soap box for a minute?
our girls are growing up too fast. they are exposed to much more at an earlier age. i was talking with a friend the other day who shared that she saw her five year old daughter looking in the mirror doing the "hiney glance." you know what i'm talking about...the one where you look in the mirror and then turn sideways and give an over-the-shoulder glance at your rear to make sure it looks okay. yeh...we all do it.

audrey hepburn speaks volumes. i hope to direct my kiddos to focus on the beauty that can be found in everyone and everything. i hope to help them focus on helping others instead of wanting everything they see for themselves. i hope they will know that beauty comes from within. i hope for a positive self-image that does not stem from make-up and fancy clothes and hair that is just right.

but in order for her to learn these things...she must see it in me.

whatcha think mama's?

::the feeling that what is wanted can be had::

{photo}

she's four. i'm thirty-three. she is amazing. i am ocd. she is creative and whimsical. i am ocd.

as the wind blows and the birds sing my mind fills with the things i want to instill in her. it's a big job. bigger than my capabilities. but i have high hopes.

i hope...
we are super close- always.
i can be a nurturing mommy all of her life.
to always show patience.
to listen...always taking time to listen. stop what i am doing and listen.
to be her cheerleader.
to be her biggest supporter.
to believe in her....and in her ideas.
to laugh with her.
to cry with her.
to help her find balance in the chaos of life.
to teach her to be a I Corinthians 13 kind of friend-
the kind that loves endlessly, forgives every wrong and forgets them forever.
she will use her words.
she will look for a better way.
she will stand up for those that cannot stand up for themselves.
she will give. give. and give some more.
she will serve others
she will show kindness.
she will die to the hurtful kind of pride.
she will love all.

i hope.

what are you hoping for your little ones?

patience for the {why?}

why do i have to eat my fruit?
why do i have to brush my teeth?
why do i have to go outside?
why do we have to go to the store?
why do i have to be good to my brother?
why do i have to use my manners?
why do i have to take a nap?
why do you have to go to work?
why does durgin have to take a rest time?
why do i need to clean up my toys?
why can't i jump on the bed?
why can't i eat red things?
why can't i have coffee?
why can't i use your phone?
why do i need to do a craft?
why do i have to sit in my car seat?
why can't i see god?
why do the angels watch over me?
why aren't the angels scared?
why does jesus love the children?
why do i have to be kind?


the {why's?} are unending. she's exploring and learning. the {why's?} are her way of figuring things out. understanding this thing called life and how we fit into it. so daily i am praying patience for the {why's?}. she can always ask {why?}...i can handle the {why?}.

and if i, in all my human, imperfect glory, can handle the {why?} from my four year old... then so can god when i ask the {why?}.

{you are beautiful...yes i'm talking to you sweet friend}

{photo}

i say it every day, "you are so pretty eisley."
i think she is beautiful in every way.
in the back of my mind i think often...she needs to feel loved and beautiful and valued so she does not look for value in boys or other frivolous things.

she replied with her head hung low, "i'm not pretty mommy."

a wave of defense flew over this mama and i thought to myself: 
what? who told you that? where did this come from?
then i replied
"yes you are eisley. you are beautiful!"

i don't know where she picked it up. she's obviously repeating something she has heard from somewhere. but oh the emotion that came over me when i heard her say those words.

she is beautiful.
she is mine.
i love her to the moon and back.
i would give my life to save hers.

those words were painful for me to hear about my baby. someone who is part of me. she is a reflection of who i am.
as i pondered the conversation i wondered.... "is this how god feels when we put ourselves down."

when i bat away compliments?
jacob: "you look great!"
me: "i have got to get in shape."

me to a friend: "you look amazing!" (she just had a baby)
friend: "no i don't. the clothes hide it all."

you get the idea.

"i praise you because i am fearfully and wonderfully made.
your works are wonderful.
i know that full well."
psalm 139:14

we must start believing we are wonderfully made girls.
we are wonderfully made.
our little ones need to see that we believe that.
so today, when someone pays you a compliment, resist the urge to knock it down. simply say, "thank you" and choose to believe it is true.

{you are fearfully and wonderfully made my friend!}

{where god sleeps nights}

{photo}

now is the time to get things done...
wade in the water
sit in the sun,
squish my toes
in the mud by the door,
explore the world in a boy just four.

now is time to study books,
flowers,
snails,
how a cloud looks;
to ponder "up."
where god sleeps nights
why mosquitoes take such big bites.

later there'll be time
to sew and clean,
paint the hall
that soft new green,
to make new drapes,
refinish the floor-

later on...when he's not just four.

irene foster, -"time is of the essence"
{taken from :: a mother's heart :: by jean fleming}


{linked at Supermom}

{love what you do}

{photo credit}

i've been reflecting on the last year as i'm sure most of you have. the thing that is in the forefront of my mind is {parenting}.

disclaimer:::yes this is a {parenting post} but even if you aren't a parent, there are still principles you can apply to your life...so don't stop reading sweet friends.

ahem...
parenting::the season of my life.
i am a mom.
and I love motherhood.
this is my season and this season... is fleeting.
seems like just yesterday when i was sitting in church and i felt my first little peanut wiggle in my belly.
her first word...dada.
her first steps with an exercise ball {a story for a another time}.
now she is three. three. years. old.
geez!
where did the time go people?
but more important than that... what have i done with the time that has passed?
are my children learning to be kind?
loving?
selfless?
grateful?
{hold that thought}


my occupation::respiratory sales rep.
i have goals to meet to be successful.
so every year in december i reflect on the last year.
did i meet my goals?
how or why not?
what are my plans to meet my goals in the coming year?
i make a plan.
i stick to the plan and reevaluate every month to tweak it where needed.
i'm driven.
i meet my career goals.


So...ummm, light bulb!!!
why don't I apply those same principles to parentng {but in a little less rigid fashion of course}?
shouldn't I be just as concerned with my children being on track as i am my career?
more really.
they are so much more important than any job could be.
they are a gift.
a treasure.
priceless.
and i only get one go at raising them.
so this year i am making a plan!
a plan to develop the characteristics i want to see blossom in their sweet little lives.

these are the questions i am asking myself...
do we focus on others more than ourselves?
do we look for ways to bless one another inside our family?
is love the motivation for our actions?
are they learning to be like jesus?
are we having fun every day?
are we being respectful?
are we growing in love?

as i answer these questions i am making a list of the ways we are doing these things and new ideas to continue this pattern of development.

i am making a plan for my family.
for myself.

{if you fail to plan, you plan to fail -ben franklin}

so, friends, what are your {plans} for 2011??

grace and peace