:the one where we dream as five:

we've dreamed a lot of dreams.

we dreamed of togetherness in that tiny one bedroom apartment. and so we were, together. late night strolls downtown. our first real christmas tree together and those silly santa hats i had us wear christmas morning. you're welcome dear.

then she came, not like i planned, even better. she made our world happy and crazy and busy and confusing all at the same time. curls tight, eyes blue and lips full. the epitome of beauty and innocence. now she dreams. as of late she has her heart set on motherhoood, art, oh and being a pop star. thank you barbie and aunt stacy. we look at each other often and mouth the words, "olive juice."  smile the knowing smile of a secret between just the two of us. the keeping kind like pinkie swears and cross-my-heart-hope-to-die's.

 

next came the boy. and oh boy, what a boy. eisley, passive and nurturing. durgin full-on, full-speed, full-force, every second that he is awake. yet he snuggles and speaks love unprompted, knowing it should be both patient and kind. he loves well and forgives easily. already learning to break his sister with hugs and giggles.

sweet baby girl, the last of our brood, the natural way that is, did wonders for this mama heart. hard and defensive, walls high and full of i-don't-need-anyone. she helped me let them in. the ones i don't need but can't do without. the ones that can speak both healing and hurt if allowed too close. one week in the NICU and my walls came down, washed away like a dam in a heavy rain. a crack at first, followed by waterfalls of healing tears.

now we dream as five. FIVE.


*linking up with the parent hood and heather for just write

:thoughts on motherhood [sharing our stories]:

she talked quietly, sure that her daughter could not hear the retelling of the weeks events. i could sense the heaviness of her heart. this weight of motherhood is too big at times. too big for those of us who feel so much like a child ourselves. how did i get to thirty-four? how did i get to adulthood? decision making? so often i still feel like the child wanting someone else to make decisions for me. wanting someone else to speak for me.

a homeschooling mother who loves her children with all of her might. she rebutes the common statement "you can't shelter your children forever" with such wisdom. she responds gently in love,

"the disciples spent three whole years of their adult lives with jesus. since he was their rabbi i can only assume they followed him every day. it was after three years, of their adult life, that they were sent into the world to make disciples of other people. why shouldn't i shelter my five year old until they too are ready to go and make disciples of other people?"

she tells me how her eight year old daughter was not being treated kindly by the neighborhood children. eight years old wanting to be eighteen. aren't we always desiring to be something we are not? the older girls thirteen and fifteen tease her little one. she hears them. her mama heart inflames. she battles the flesh. she wants to tell those girls what-for. that's her baby they are talking to. that's her baby they are mistreating. do i defend her and risk embarrassing her or let her handle it and risk her thinking i don't care. wondering why didn't i stand up for her? she wonders.

moments later her daughter darts in the house and bursts into tears, her heart in pieces. she says to her mommy, "why didn't you say anything?" my friend, full of grace, walks out to the culdesac where the older kids are hanging out. she calls the one that was unkind over to speak to her quietly. she tells her how she has loved getting to know her. she tells her how she is happy she is part of their community. she tells her how much her girls admire her. she tells her that they like to encourage one another and use words to uplift. the girl listened. the girl responded to grace with repentance. the girl showed love to my friends daughter by picking her up and twirling her around.

i listened hard and tears filled my eyes. grace. such marvelous grace.

we share stories because we are students becoming teachers becoming students over and over again. i tell her constantly that god gave her to me so she could trod along the path first teaching me the way i should go.

i am sure i will encounter this with my children. i'm certain of it. i'm also certain that had she not shared this story, when my time came, i would not have handled the situation with such grace. i would have told that kid what-for. i promise. but now, because of her, because of grace, i will know better. i will choose a different way. i will bless both my child and someone else's.

lets share our stories and travel this road of motherhood together.

:no stress photography [with children]:

photography takes an instant out of time, altering life by holding it still.

-dorothea lange

daily as a mother i reach out and try to stop the hands of time. i freeze frame special moments, speaking internally, begging my soul to remember. i grab my camera and snap the every day real moments. the ones with chocolate smeared all over faces from breakfast pancakes. the ones with dirty hands and feet from hours of play outside. the ones with grumpy faces from tired tiny hearts. i love these photos and treasure them always.

i needed new family photos desperately. it seems an impossible task with three little ones, five, three and 6 months old. so i decided to just go for updated photographs of the children. last minute i called my sister-in-law and told her to dress her kids for pictures. might as well do all the grandkids on my husbands side while we are at it. we had an impromptu photoshoot and this is what i learned.

a little effort goes a long way

i wanted a little pop of color in the setting. i took fabric scraps of all sizes and quickly sewed them to a piece of twine with a zig-zag stitch. if you don't sew you could just tie the scraps in knots for the same effect. i covered a small children's table with two large pieces of fabric and topped them with the mason jars. my darling husband grabbed a handful of twigs and placed them in the jars while i added a twine bow. my kiddos are totally obsessed with spiders right now and their papa has a vintage book on spiders that made for the perfect accent and enticed the children to the table.

start small

i started the session with the two oldest girls, a.k.a. the most compliant. they loved sitting on the old stool and rocking chair and didn't mind a bit when i told them to share a few secrets. after a few shots of them i added the next little peanut, and the next and the next until we had all five babies posed.

take what you get

with the group shot we mostly got solemn faces and blank stares. it was late afternoon, the children were ready to play and doing their best to oblige our efforts of memory capturing. they were not all looking at the camera and they definitely were not all smiling. this is just fine with me because this is who they are at five, four, three, two and six months.

let them be themselves

my little guy loves cars and to think that he would put his cars down to come pose nice for a picture is just silly. it's not going to happen without tears. so i welcomed his cars and we talked about them and after a few minutes he leaned over and gave me that smile that melts my heart and will send me into full fledged mommy dearest when he is sixteen.

ask for help

what you cannot see from these photographs are my husband and sister-in-law holding the fabric banner in the background and my mother-in-law holding baby girl and rounding up the other little ones. they helped direct and redirect the children and invited smiles and silliness. i would not have been able to do this without them.

have fun

i thought up this little scene and worked with excitement to have it play out as i desired. it was a lot of fun and we have precious pictures to boot.


what are you best tips to no stress photography?


*linking up with carissa for miscellany monday and ruth the better mom

::the father i never knew::

My dad died when I was five. My mother played the role of both with all her might. I wrote a letter when I was young about how much I was missing without a dad. I think it crushed her because she was trying so hard to be both. She came to all of my athletic events. She supported me in every way possible. I don’t know how she did it alone. I applaud her. I admire her. She is super-mom.


Still the fact remains, I grew up fatherless and I longed for a male presence in my life.
When I met and fell in love with my husband I did not choose to fall in love with him because I thought he would be a great dad. I doubt those thoughts crossed my mind since at the time I wasn't sure I ever wanted to have children. We just loved each other fully and committed to do that for the rest of our lives.


Then the children came.

And he showed up- The Father I Never Had.

The father I longed for so many years ago. The father who plays with his kids when the sun rises until the sun sets. The father who gives grace to his children when mommy has run out. The father who redirects and distracts and never raises his voice. The father who hugs tight and kisses boo-boos and says ‘it’s okay to cry’ and ‘violence is never the answer’. The father who leads with gentleness and teaches by example. The father who loves their mother with passion and fervor. The father who makes the princess feel whole and the little guy feel strong. The father who reads books and plays cars and chase and snuggles and rock-rocks. The father who laughs and loves with all of his being.


In the words of Forrest Gump “I may not be a smart man, but I know what love is” and to me love is The Father I Never Knew.



*linking up with Supermom for Wordish Wednesday*

::lessons learned from my daughter::

i heard her from the driveway- "DADDY!!"

he had just put her to bed as a friend dropped me off. he came outside to say hi and we chatted for a few moments. she must have called for him and he didn't come so she wandered through the house in search of us. the windows were open and i caught just a glimpse of her head bobbing through the living room. i knew she was scared so i rushed to the door and i said her name as i approached. when she heard me she ran to the door to meet me- tears flowing. sobbing.

i held her close and told her we were sorry.
i assured her we would NEVER leave her alone that if she didn't see us we were always near.

she layed her head on my shoulder and hugged me tight and said, "but mommy, i was so frightened."

i think my heart broke into a million pieces and fell to the ground before my very eyes.

i know baby. i whispered. i'm so sorry.

in my heart i was saying, i've been there. i've felt alone like no one was near. i searched for someone i couldn't find.

then i felt in my innermost being god saying, i was right here. so close. i would never leave you.

what lessons have you learned from your children lately?


*linking up with the extraordinary ordinary just write today*

::dinner-time-fun::

::photo::

a friend shared a neat, impromptu, learning exercise that she did with her children at dinner a couple nights ago. since dinner is the one time of day that the whole family sits down together and can talk and share i jumped at the chance to make it a little more interesting for my little ones.

i told eisley i would give her a word and she would create a sentence with that word. and then she would give daddy a word and he would create a sentence adding to her story. then daddy would give me a word and i would create a sentence adding to the story.

eisley is 4.5 years old so it took her a few tries to get the concept. but in moments, it just clicked and sentences were formed. she did not quite understand creating a continuous story with all of our sentences but that's okay it was fun anyway. we giggled and gave lots of high fives for creative sentences. even durgin who just turned 2 would cheer and jump in for encouragement even though he had no idea what we were doing.

this simple exercise made dinner totally fun!

sooooo.....i was hoping you guys could share some dinner-time-fun that goes on at your place!

::in my heart::

she picks every flower.
she does ballet twirls...hands above head.
she sleeps with her babies every night.
she needs a night light.
she's learning to be patient with her baby brother.
she's learning to be a good listener.
kindness is growing in her tiny little heart.
she cares for others.
she is aware that some do not have what we have.
she's learning to bless others by her actions and words.
she tells me she loves me, unprompted, at least once a day.
she draws pictures of our family....and bugs. she loves bugs.
she loves princess movies & the rusty belly robins on our porch.
she swings on her own now.
she dreams.
she talks & laughs & sometimes yells at her brother in her sleep.
she plays. oh how she plays. princess. house. school. doctor.
she likes to have her toenails painted.
she says please and thank you.
she hates to go outside but loves to be outside and doesn't want to come in....same goes for the bath.
she loves books and memorizes them verbatim.
she knows the names of tons of dinosaurs and says them better than i do.
she sits close to me on the couch.
she holds my hand when we walk.
she tells me she will never stop loving me.
and i will never stop loving her.

what's going on with your kiddos?
what part of motherhood are you enjoying best these days?

::intense love::

"intense love does not measure, it just gives."

mother teresa

::never forget moments like these::

::photo::

sun sets,  barely shining through the blinds.
he sits tucked on my lap. tired. rubbing his eyes as we rock.
baby skin soft and sweet smelling.
he watches as she dances and twirls in the doorway.

her nightly performance of tricks and treats.
dancing. then hopping on one foot. she's so proud.
then a prayer. so sweet.

god, thank you for my baby brother.
that i get to play with him.
help him dream about lovely things.
in jesus name, amen.

a few more snuggles and giggles.
his head falls into that nook between my neck and shoulder.
i love that spot.
i squeeze tight then lay him down.

these are the days.
these are the moments in time i never want to forget.
i am storing them in my heart.

what moments are you treasuring right now?

{her creativity puts mine to shame}

the creativity of the coopster...

::eisley the writer::

::eisley the artist::

::eisley the teacher::

::eisley the photographer::

this girl puts my artistic side to shame!

::top {10} ways i spend time with my children::

as you may know i work outside the home.
so the time i have to spend with my precious babies is limited to say the least. but we make the most of every single moment. with that said, here are the

{top ten ways i spend time with my children}::

1. we have breakfast together every morning.
i try really hard each day to put away my to-do list and have everything ready so that we can all three sit down to breakfast with no distractions. we talk about our dreams, our plans for the day, our bible verse and anything else that may come to mind.

2. the welcome home party.
my nanny and husband are awesome. so whoever is with the kids when i arrive home preps them for my arrival. as soon as i walk in the door i am greeted with hugs and squeals of joy! we hug and giggle and they tell me about their day.

3. family dinner.
we attempt to have family dinner time every week night. we sit down as a family. we talk about things we are thankful for. we talk about our day. we giggle and sometimes play {i spy}. i want my children to grow up with family dinner as a priority. something to look forward to.

4. bath time.
i take care of baths while my sweet hubs cleans the kitchen after dinner. teamwork! i love giving the kids baths becuase it's another opportunity for me to engage with them. watch them play and giggle. i get to see them use their imagination with their little duck families. i get to see them discover what happens when you throw your hands down really hard into the water. and yes, i usually walk away wet. but i wouldn't trade that time for the world.

5. family play time.
from bath time to bed time is usually time for us to play as a family. this is often daddy being a dinosaur and eisley and durgin running to safety, a.k.a. mommy. we wrestle and run and giggle and squeal. oh and we hug...a lot!

6. bed time.
i get special time with each of my children at bed time. i rock durgin while we snuggle and sing. he goes to bed first. then onto the coopster. we read a book, then snuggle and tell knock-knock jokes and usually finish up by finding pictures on the ceiling. then she's off to sleep.

7. crafts.
eisley and i do lot's of crafts. almost daily we do something creative to display throughout our home. i always ask her about her artwork. compliment her color schemes and make a big deal out of her ability to illustrate our family so perfectly.

8. books.
we read tons of books around here. every chance we get someone is hopping in my lab with a book. we read so much that eisley has several books that she can "read" verbatum. that always blows my mind.

9. outside play.
it's been a long and gloomy winter here. but recently the sun has been peeking through the clouds and we have been able to get outside more. i love to go in eisleys playhouse and watch her whip up a batch of chocolate cookies or pine cone cake. durgin is a mad man on the sliding board and will just walk right off of anything that doesn't touch the ground. this child knows no fear and he's about to give his mama a heart attack!

10. weekends.
i long for the weekends. sleeping in on saturdays. family breakfast. then time to play play play. we suck every single ounce of time out of the weekends for investing in our children. making them feel loved and special. finding out whats on the menu for the week:  dinosaurs, princesses, babies, you name it and we pretend it!

how are you spending time with your children?
i'd love some more ideas!

{things i love thursday}

baby giggles.

i am going to be honest. i am not a fan of the snow or cold weather. i like to be covered and warm from head to toe, coffee in hand.

but my babies?
well, they love snow.
their excitement overflows at the possibilities.
so i buckle down....bundle them and myself and head out.
i am never disappointed.

bliss::[blis]:: supreme happiness; utter joy or contentment.

what could be better?

{where god sleeps nights}

{photo}

now is the time to get things done...
wade in the water
sit in the sun,
squish my toes
in the mud by the door,
explore the world in a boy just four.

now is time to study books,
flowers,
snails,
how a cloud looks;
to ponder "up."
where god sleeps nights
why mosquitoes take such big bites.

later there'll be time
to sew and clean,
paint the hall
that soft new green,
to make new drapes,
refinish the floor-

later on...when he's not just four.

irene foster, -"time is of the essence"
{taken from :: a mother's heart :: by jean fleming}


{linked at Supermom}