i heard her from the driveway- "DADDY!!"
he had just put her to bed as a friend dropped me off. he came outside to say hi and we chatted for a few moments. she must have called for him and he didn't come so she wandered through the house in search of us. the windows were open and i caught just a glimpse of her head bobbing through the living room. i knew she was scared so i rushed to the door and i said her name as i approached. when she heard me she ran to the door to meet me- tears flowing. sobbing.
i held her close and told her we were sorry.
i assured her we would NEVER leave her alone that if she didn't see us we were always near.
she layed her head on my shoulder and hugged me tight and said, "but mommy, i was so frightened."
i think my heart broke into a million pieces and fell to the ground before my very eyes.
i know baby. i whispered. i'm so sorry.
in my heart i was saying, i've been there. i've felt alone like no one was near. i searched for someone i couldn't find.
then i felt in my innermost being god saying, i was right here. so close. i would never leave you.
what lessons have you learned from your children lately?
*linking up with the extraordinary ordinary just write today*
mornings are my time. 5am- yes please. the house is hushed. only the hum of fans blowing can be heard. for nearly four months now, since this one began to grow inside, i have fought my mind and body tooth and nail to continue my 5am routine, unsuccessfully. these days it's 6am, sometimes 7am before i finally drag myself out of the coziness of bed. i usually welcome the pitter patter and good morning kisses of the little ones around 7am.
a few mornings ago, after making breakfast, i decided to sit with a cup of coffee and have a few moments in the Word. I plopped myself into my favorite spot and opened my bible.
immediately eisley came and said: "mommy will you play with me in my room?"
i responded: "yes baby, just give me 5 minutes to spend with god and then i am all yours."
her response full of seriousness and intent, "mommy, god is in my room too!"
so my time of worship was spent playing dinosaurs.
i have never felt closer to god.
where do you find god?
why do i have to eat my fruit?
why do i have to brush my teeth?
why do i have to go outside?
why do we have to go to the store?
why do i have to be good to my brother?
why do i have to use my manners?
why do i have to take a nap?
why do you have to go to work?
why does durgin have to take a rest time?
why do i need to clean up my toys?
why can't i jump on the bed?
why can't i eat red things?
why can't i have coffee?
why can't i use your phone?
why do i need to do a craft?
why do i have to sit in my car seat?
why can't i see god?
why do the angels watch over me?
why aren't the angels scared?
why does jesus love the children?
why do i have to be kind?
the {why's?} are unending. she's exploring and learning. the {why's?} are her way of figuring things out. understanding this thing called life and how we fit into it. so daily i am praying patience for the {why's?}. she can always ask {why?}...i can handle the {why?}.
and if i, in all my human, imperfect glory, can handle the {why?} from my four year old... then so can god when i ask the {why?}.
lying in bed last night i felt this urge to check on the little one. she lost a couple privileges at bed time (which, fyi, is more punishment for mommy than for her even though she doesn't see that yet) and i was fighting that whole mommy guilt thing.
i hopped up to go listen at her door and make sure every thing was copacetic. i heard her running around crying. i immediately went in and she was crying and pointing into her nose speaking broken sentences: "tissue in nose!!" tissue in nose!!"
she has a nasty virus that has caused a horrible runny nose. ya know the kind that leave that red raw place over their little lips. yeh..that kind. so i've been leaving tissue with her at night so she can wipe her nose without getting up.
side note: the hubs has terrible allergies and sometimes stuffs large pieces of tissue up his nose for a bit to bring relief. gross i know but the poor guy suffers.
anyway...eisley has obviously seen her daddy try this trick and was obviously over this running nose (that she has had for five days now). so she takes teenie tiny pieces of tissue and sticks them up her nose. then she freaks out when she cannot get them out. that's why she was running around her room crying.
the part that cuts me to the core is that she didn't come running to me. i was right there...not even 100ft away. she could have come to me. she should have come to me. i knew what to do. i handled it. then i snuggled her like crazy and reminded her of how much i love her and how she can always come to mommy with anything.
{insert large, bright lightbulb here}
don't we do the same thing to god?
run around trying to handle our own situations and circumstances.
taking matters into our own hands.
but he's there.
right there.
just waiting for us to run to him for help. for direction. for comfort. for encouragement. for love.
he's there.
always there.
p.s. we did safely remove the tissues from her tiny little nose with tweezers. all is well.
