it was but the slightest thump thump.
below the surface.
so gentle i had to be still and prayed for quiet so i could notice it again.
the little one making itself known.
those nights when sleep simply won't come, i place my hands just below my belly button and wait, nearly holding my breath.
thump thump.
comfort washes over me and holds me like a warm blanket.
i think of Him. the creator of all things.
it is in these moments that i trust Him most.
He is here.
He is present.
He is involved.
He is still creating in and through me.
He is the potter, i am the clay.
the clay...spinning and molding and being shaped with the promise of beauty in the end.
how are you recognizing Him today?
* better late than never, linking up with heather's {just write}*
i recently read organized simplicity by tsh oxenreider and i just started practicing the way of jesus by mark scandrette. both super inspiring books about reducing materialism and living simply so that we can better serve those around us.
{lessons learned}
1. less things = more free time.
the less clothes my family owns the less laundry i have to do.
the less things we have in our home the less things i have to clean.
the less i desire things the less time i spend roaming the aisles of shopping centers.
all of this means more time for my precious family.
2. less things = more creativity
we spend time making toys with the children.
we spend time exploring more artistic endevors with our children.
we spend time in nature and enjoying the things god has given us to enjoy.
all of this means my family grows more tightly knit as we create.
3. less things = more care for gods people
we can teach our children about our privilege to care for gods people.
we can teach our children that others have less and need our help.
we can teach our children to give and love and serve.
all of this will bring joy to our family and those we encounter.
what do you do to simplify? and why do you choose to do it?
we arrived late at night after 24 hours of travel. i was both exhausted and exhilerated by the experience. my host family arrived to take me home with them. The Master's Family. they were a lovely couple, hospitable, with three daughters: 17, 15 and 6. i instantly fell in love with them and knew i would enjoy my summer there.
everything about the country was breathtaking.
the scenery.
the culture.
the accents.
the food....oh for the love of food. i gained 15 pounds that summer.
i felt sure it must be the Austrailian washing machine that was shrinking my clothes...but no.
we settled in with our host families and met up the next day at church to meet our leadership and find out how we would be spending our summer serving god. we met with the pastor who quickly informed us that he and Rick Warren were buddy-buddy and that he had contributed more than one idea to his best selling book: The Purpose Driven Life.
our duties for the next two months would include helping in the gym daily, planning lessons for the youth meetings, building relationships with the young people and encouraging them in their walk with god.
that night there was a social at the church. my host-sister was leaving and we weren't sure how we would get home so we left with her. we laughed and got to know Bec that evening and i was extremely hopeful about gods plans for the summer.
the next day at church the pastor called a meeting to tell us/me that we needed to be careful who we spent our time with. he went on to say that Bec was not of the best character.
i imagine that is what the pharisees sounded like much of the time as they talked to and about jesus.
as jesus spent time with questionable women.
as jesus spent time with thieves.
as jesus spent time with the demon-possessed.
as jesus spent time at parties.
that summer was the beginning of what woud be a life long journey of pursuing living like jesus.
a journey of casting off stereotypes.
a journey of loving others regardless of their belief system.
a journey of loving others regardless of their past.
a journey of loving others regardless of their reputation.
a journey of loving no matter the cost.
because i am the questionable woman.
because i am the theif.
because i am the demon-possessed.
because i am the one hosting the party.
he loved me...so i could love them.
Late night chats, head to pillow after the children have fallen asleep. Talking about life, love, politics, religion, simple living and our dreams. Making love takes a new form.
Endurance of the tired child that desperately needs sleep but does not yet understand the goodness of rest.
The giving of one more minute, one more sip of milk and one more peek around the room for monsters.
Grace for one another and others.
Holding hands in the car and as we walk. Always touching. Even if at the end of the day when all energy has been poured out, our feet meet beneath the warmth of our covers saying “I’m here.”
Pictures unending to document this amazing life.
This is what love looks like right now.
What does love look like to you?
*this post was inspired by sarah at emerging mummy*
*linking up at life rearranged for instafriday*
{Books I love}
1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp: Honestly this book has been life changing for me. I have learned that perspective is everything and that prayer is not about the asking but the thanking. So daily I count the gifts, every little one. I write them down. I say them out loud. I “fight feeling with feeling” as you cannot be both discontent and thankful.
Bossy Pants by Tina Fey: Because sometimes you just need to laugh.
Traveling Mercies by Ann Lamott: It is good for the soul to hear the stories of others. Their struggles and triumphs make me feel normal. Ann is unabashedly honest in this book about her lily pad journey to faith. Not everyone’s path to believing in Jesus is tied up in a pretty bow. Not everyone was raised in the Bible belt in Sunday school and worship three times a week. Stepping outside of what I have always known draws me closer to God every time.
{Blogs I love}
Emerging Mummy By Sarah Besse: This girl never disappoints. If she weren’t so darn far away I would totally invite her over for coffee so we could chat about life, love, politics and growing in our love for Jesus.
Joy in this Journey By Joy B: Just launched a new series “Taking Off The Mask” encouraging us all to just be real. It’s so hard to keep up with one another when we are all putting on a façade of daily happiness and success. Life cannot be all peaches and cream so lets just lay it all out and be encouraged.
The Run Amuck by Amber Haines: I met Amber in person earlier this year and she is lovely with a smile that makes you feel like an old friend just catching up. She’s a mama to four boys and is down to earth with her beautiful word pictures of daily living and motherhood.
{Fun things I love}
Pinterest: Have you heard of it? oh for the love of everything crafty this is the best site ever! Well maybe not ever, but I am totally loving it for the now. It is a virtual pinboard where you can store all the lovely things you might craft, or gifts you might give, or clothes you might buy, or things you might teach your children.
Starbucks: Salted carmel mocha frappacino. If you haven’t had one, stop what you are doing right now and go to the nearest Starbucks and order one. Pull up a chair and rest your weary soul and be refreshed. Pretend I’m there and we are having the loveliest conversation about life and love and babies….or whatever you want to talk about {wink}.
What are you loving lately?
My dad died when I was five. My mother played the role of both with all her might. I wrote a letter when I was young about how much I was missing without a dad. I think it crushed her because she was trying so hard to be both. She came to all of my athletic events. She supported me in every way possible. I don’t know how she did it alone. I applaud her. I admire her. She is super-mom.
Still the fact remains, I grew up fatherless and I longed for a male presence in my life.
When I met and fell in love with my husband I did not choose to fall in love with him because I thought he would be a great dad. I doubt those thoughts crossed my mind since at the time I wasn't sure I ever wanted to have children. We just loved each other fully and committed to do that for the rest of our lives.
Then the children came.
And he showed up- The Father I Never Had.
The father I longed for so many years ago. The father who plays with his kids when the sun rises until the sun sets. The father who gives grace to his children when mommy has run out. The father who redirects and distracts and never raises his voice. The father who hugs tight and kisses boo-boos and says ‘it’s okay to cry’ and ‘violence is never the answer’. The father who leads with gentleness and teaches by example. The father who loves their mother with passion and fervor. The father who makes the princess feel whole and the little guy feel strong. The father who reads books and plays cars and chase and snuggles and rock-rocks. The father who laughs and loves with all of his being.
In the words of Forrest Gump “I may not be a smart man, but I know what love is” and to me love is The Father I Never Knew.
*linking up with Supermom for Wordish Wednesday*
i heard her from the driveway- "DADDY!!"
he had just put her to bed as a friend dropped me off. he came outside to say hi and we chatted for a few moments. she must have called for him and he didn't come so she wandered through the house in search of us. the windows were open and i caught just a glimpse of her head bobbing through the living room. i knew she was scared so i rushed to the door and i said her name as i approached. when she heard me she ran to the door to meet me- tears flowing. sobbing.
i held her close and told her we were sorry.
i assured her we would NEVER leave her alone that if she didn't see us we were always near.
she layed her head on my shoulder and hugged me tight and said, "but mommy, i was so frightened."
i think my heart broke into a million pieces and fell to the ground before my very eyes.
i know baby. i whispered. i'm so sorry.
in my heart i was saying, i've been there. i've felt alone like no one was near. i searched for someone i couldn't find.
then i felt in my innermost being god saying, i was right here. so close. i would never leave you.
what lessons have you learned from your children lately?
*linking up with the extraordinary ordinary just write today*
we were leaving the park, just the little one and me, hand in hand. it was slow going as his little legs will only carry him so fast at two years of age. the park was packed. people everywhere. suddenly time stood still. i looked down to notice his tiny dimpled hand in mind just barely reaching without having to stretch.
a moment forever burned in my mind.
a remember-this-as-it-goes-by-too-fast kind of moment.
a stop rushing and thinking about nap times and adgendas for the love of god and soak this in kind of moment.
so i did.
i took a deep breath and breathed in his beautiful white blonde hair, stunning blue eyes and soft squishy skin.
i took it all in.
every. single. detail.
like smelling a flower for the first time in spring.
deep, eyes-closed, breath.
my full-of-wonder boy.
my always conversing boy.
my smiley, giggly, happy boy.
my "where's my daddy?" boy.
my snuggler.
my thumb-sucker.
my mick-mick lover.
my choc milk addict.
my couldn't-function without a train, truck or car in hand little one.
my boy.
mine all mine.
these are the moments i cherish.
how about you mama's...what are you cherishing today?
mornings are my time. 5am- yes please. the house is hushed. only the hum of fans blowing can be heard. for nearly four months now, since this one began to grow inside, i have fought my mind and body tooth and nail to continue my 5am routine, unsuccessfully. these days it's 6am, sometimes 7am before i finally drag myself out of the coziness of bed. i usually welcome the pitter patter and good morning kisses of the little ones around 7am.
a few mornings ago, after making breakfast, i decided to sit with a cup of coffee and have a few moments in the Word. I plopped myself into my favorite spot and opened my bible.
immediately eisley came and said: "mommy will you play with me in my room?"
i responded: "yes baby, just give me 5 minutes to spend with god and then i am all yours."
her response full of seriousness and intent, "mommy, god is in my room too!"
so my time of worship was spent playing dinosaurs.
i have never felt closer to god.
where do you find god?
we walked in slowly, i stood behind him holding his arm.
nervous. i'm always nervous in new places.
people stood around drinking their coffee, chatting with friends, so at home.
we made our way to our seats and the service began.
a moment of silence and reflection.
greeting.
songs.
the message.
forgiveness. yikes.
always needing to hear it....always difficult to hear.
there are things that still linger. tucked away in that place that no one can see. i often forget about them but they are there. holding strong to heartstrings. when they rear their ugly head they sting a small reminder of the wrong doing i cannot let go of.
i thought you were gone. i thought we were past this.
a couple shares their hurts- their unforgiveness.
as a symbol of moving on balloons are held by each family in solidarity.
we stand and pray. each lifting petitions on the behalf of these precious ones.
we all release the ballooons and watch as they fly away.
fly away. fly away pain. fly away burden. fly away unforgiveness.
now on to healing.
how do you deal with unforgiveness and healing from hurts?
