:in the begining was a small country church:

:photo:

it was an old country church with an old country preacher. he was precious and sincere. the church was full of older sincere people. but i was young. when you are young everyone is older and everyone is sincere because children tend to only see good in others.

the next was an old church..."free will" whatever that means. to me it meant i wasn't allowed to wear shorts to any church functions even if it was 95 degrees outside. it meant that along the way somewhere you really didn't have "free will" at all. if your belief system didn't fall in line with the leadership then you could leave.

the next was an old small church that grew into a really large church during the fifteen years i attended. the people were loving. i looked forward to the hugs i would receive on sundays. i looked forward to the friends i would see while i was there. i looked forward to seeing my family. i looked forward to teaching the teenagers i loved dearly. i did not, however, look forward to being told that the music we sometimes listened to had demons coming out. (underoath if you are curious) i did not look forward to being told that i had to sign bilaws committing to be at every single church service in order to continue working with youth as a volunteer when i had a six week old baby. i did not look forward to letters being sent to every young girls home telling them to use discretion when coming to my home for bible study.

the next was again an old small church full of precious people with servants hearts. we didn't stay there long. we knew our lives were taking a different direction. so we moved on.

we didn't go anywhere for a while. i had no desire to go anywhere for a while. sometimes i still have no desire to go. but i am seeking. i desire to be part of the church. part of community. part of the body. we desire that our children learn about the love of jesus and the example he led for us with his life. we desire to serve and love and encourage others no matter what belief system they hold. we desire to bring peace  to those we encounter and an end to injustices we see. we desire to bring heaven to earth.

where are you on your journey of faith?
tell me about your church.

::intense love::

"intense love does not measure, it just gives."

mother teresa

::endure the rain::

::photo::

knucles white as i tighten my grip on the stearing wheel. i hate driving in the rain. nerves take over and every moment feels like i'm slipping. about to loose control and spin into a fatal destiny. i worry. i look for the end. i keep pressing forward. the only way out is through. through the rain. through the darkness and fog that hovers so low i can hardly see. through the turmoil that overtakes me.

it goes on forever...or so it seems.
when will this end?
surely i'm through the worst.
surely there is clarity over this hill....or the next...or the next.

and then when i am over it. about to pull over and wave my white flag to say i cannot continue. there it is. sky peeking through the clouds. just barely but i can see it. i can see the end. my shoulders are less tense now. i know it is almost over. the worst is past.

i see green. everywhere green. lush green trees and beautiful flower blossoms.
beauty.
all around beauty.

it's the rain that gives life to those trees.
it's the rain that brightens that shade of green.
it's the rain that fill the flowers full so that blooms emerge.
it's the rain that makes it beautiful.
without the rain, there is no growth.

::understanding the way to peace:: day 3

::photo::

spending time in reflection as we enter holy week.

sunday the following passage was dramatized in our church service :

"how i wish today, that you of all people would understand the way to peace" luke 19:42




it spoke volumes to my soul.
"...understand the way to peace..."


too often words are abused. and abusive. they are overused and unnecessary. we talk too much most of the time. we say things that don't need to be said. we wound with words. the very things that were meant to bring healing.


we choose our words.
we choose to breathe life with words or cut to the bone.

we can make peace with our words.
we can encourage with our words.
we can show love with our words.
we can break down walls with our words.
we can speak out about injustices with our words.
we can bring change with our words.

or we can do just the opposite.

what will you choose today?

::understanding the way to peace:: {day 2}

::photo::

spending time in reflection as we enter holy week.

sunday the following passage was dramatized in our church service :

"how i wish today, that you of all people would understand the way to peace" luke 19:42

it spoke volumes to my soul.
"...understand the way to peace..."


{respond vs. react}

respond: to react favorably
react: to act in an opposing or contrary manner

just the mere definition of these words brings deep longing for change. i react a lot.
but i have a friend who is queen of responding. for the fifteen years that i have know her she has always taken time to step back, evaluate the situation at hand and respond. i cannot think of a single time that she has simply "reacted."  she understands the way to peace. she is a peacemaker.

if someone says something that is out of line. she comtemplates: is this just part of their personality? what were the cirumstances surrounding the incident that may have brought abnormal behavior from this person? she thinks before she speaks. and she speaks peace. to them. to me. to her children. to her husband. she speaks peace.

am i speaking peace?

::understanding the way to peace::

::photo::

spending time in reflection as we enter holy week.
yesterday the following passage was dramatized in our church service :

"how i wish today, that you of all people would understand the way to peace" luke 19:42

it spoke volumes to my soul.
"...understand the way to peace..."

peace:: [peec]:: freedom of the mind from annoyance, distraction, anxiety and obsession; etc. tranquillity, serenity

in contemplation i realized, for like the billionth time, that i allow many things to keep me from peace. daily stresses,  some of which are attributed to simply by personality. i'm high strung. i obsess. this make the desire for peace that much harder. wanting. just wanting.

wanting to be a stay-at-home mama.
wanting to be the perfect mommy.
wanting to a clean home....all the time.
wanting to rest but not knowing how to be still.
wanting to nurture friendships but lacking the time.
wanting.
wanting definitely keeps the peace at bay.

so today. i will refocus.
i will count my blessings. i will write them until i get to 1000 gifts and then write some more.
every day.
counting.
writing.
wanting less with each written word.
understanding the way to peace.

::hooray for the weekend::

{photo}

it's fridaaaaaaay!

and it has been one of those weeks.

but i am super excited because my sweet hubs is taking me to see derek webb and jars of clay tonight! hooray for date nights!!

the rest of the weekend will be spent with my sweet babies, my camera (if it doesn't rain), my sewing machine and hopefully some books.

what are your plans for the weekend??

::a gift for you::

a few new goodies are in {the shop} today!

so take a  peek and as a gift to you use APRIL SHOWERS to take 10% off your purchase!

:if you met me::

if you met me you would probably misunderstand my awkward social skills for snobbery. i'm not snobby, it just takes me a few minutes to feel safe and warm up. you would quickly see that i am a chatty kathy and want nothing more than to learn about your life and what makes you, YOU.

if you met me you would see an undying devotion to jacob and eisley and durgin. if given the chance i turn into a ball of mush sharing stories of the greatness of motherhood and the amazing heart of my husband.

if you met me you would see that i am guarded. i've been wounded. inside i am curious if you have been too. i want to hear your story. i want to glean from your experience. i want to encourage you knowing deep down that i am being encouraged too. that god is using our bodies, our words to speak of his great love to one another.

if you met me you would see a love for all things creative and crafty and artistic. 

if you met me....



i'm linking up with one of the sweetest women ever on her blog and in real life
the gypsy mama

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::never forget moments like these::

::photo::

sun sets,  barely shining through the blinds.
he sits tucked on my lap. tired. rubbing his eyes as we rock.
baby skin soft and sweet smelling.
he watches as she dances and twirls in the doorway.

her nightly performance of tricks and treats.
dancing. then hopping on one foot. she's so proud.
then a prayer. so sweet.

god, thank you for my baby brother.
that i get to play with him.
help him dream about lovely things.
in jesus name, amen.

a few more snuggles and giggles.
his head falls into that nook between my neck and shoulder.
i love that spot.
i squeeze tight then lay him down.

these are the days.
these are the moments in time i never want to forget.
i am storing them in my heart.

what moments are you treasuring right now?

::the feeling that what is wanted can be had::

{photo}

she's four. i'm thirty-three. she is amazing. i am ocd. she is creative and whimsical. i am ocd.

as the wind blows and the birds sing my mind fills with the things i want to instill in her. it's a big job. bigger than my capabilities. but i have high hopes.

i hope...
we are super close- always.
i can be a nurturing mommy all of her life.
to always show patience.
to listen...always taking time to listen. stop what i am doing and listen.
to be her cheerleader.
to be her biggest supporter.
to believe in her....and in her ideas.
to laugh with her.
to cry with her.
to help her find balance in the chaos of life.
to teach her to be a I Corinthians 13 kind of friend-
the kind that loves endlessly, forgives every wrong and forgets them forever.
she will use her words.
she will look for a better way.
she will stand up for those that cannot stand up for themselves.
she will give. give. and give some more.
she will serve others
she will show kindness.
she will die to the hurtful kind of pride.
she will love all.

i hope.

what are you hoping for your little ones?

patience for the {why?}

why do i have to eat my fruit?
why do i have to brush my teeth?
why do i have to go outside?
why do we have to go to the store?
why do i have to be good to my brother?
why do i have to use my manners?
why do i have to take a nap?
why do you have to go to work?
why does durgin have to take a rest time?
why do i need to clean up my toys?
why can't i jump on the bed?
why can't i eat red things?
why can't i have coffee?
why can't i use your phone?
why do i need to do a craft?
why do i have to sit in my car seat?
why can't i see god?
why do the angels watch over me?
why aren't the angels scared?
why does jesus love the children?
why do i have to be kind?


the {why's?} are unending. she's exploring and learning. the {why's?} are her way of figuring things out. understanding this thing called life and how we fit into it. so daily i am praying patience for the {why's?}. she can always ask {why?}...i can handle the {why?}.

and if i, in all my human, imperfect glory, can handle the {why?} from my four year old... then so can god when i ask the {why?}.