:where it all begins and ends:

motherhood: all love begins and ends there

-robert browning

my mama tried to teach me to shag. i would watch her feet move to the rhythm while mine never matched up. she would laugh and twirl me around. that was my favorite part anyways. i never learned to shag, mama, but i still dance.

i turned the music loud this morning, an invitation they already recognize. they came running, tools in hand. for the little guy, his guitar gifted by a sweet aunt. for my girl, her ballerina doll, naturally.  the baby, just brought the cute, shaking her fluffy bottom. 

we danced and twirled and giggled at the freedom found in dancing like no one is watching. 

some days are ugly hard. some days are gloriously beautiful. today was the latter. glory.

:on having adventures:

they took off their shoes and socks in a frenzy, rolled their pants to their knees, adventure just ahead. making their way down the hill with the help of daddy tiny feet stepped into chili creek water for the first time. mud squished between toes gave way to distorted expressions that turned to smiles as bright as the morning sun.

my big girl immediately took off, not a care or fear in the world. her only goal, to seize the day, delight in the moment. her carefree spirit made me want to take off my shoes and jump in like i did when i was a kid. "life is but an adventure or nothing at all," right? that helen keller, full of wisdom.

the boy, so much like me, straight laced, careful and tidy, made peace with dirt and mud. covered from head to toe in the glorious brown, found joy in what he once thought precarious. he walked the bank throwing rocks, laughing a boisterous laugh when they landed with a splash in the face.

he pointed in affirmation as daddy jumped from bank to bank over his tiny frame. that man, a hero to my little ones and rightfully so.

we took them home and washed away the evidence of a hard days play, but the memory lingers. they had an adventure they will never forget....neither will i.


*linking up with carissa for miscellany monday

:thoughts on legacy and leaving one:

the door knob was loose. you had to shake it and turn it just right for it to open. i always knocked, never quite comfortable enough to walk right in. i can see every nook and cranny of that old house in my memory. the kitchen, tiny, held a ceramic jar always full of butter cookies, the kind you line up on your fingers and eat one by one. the dining room just as you walk in stowed a table made for six covered by lace and a china cabinet overflowing with beautiful treasures.

my favorite thing in the whole house was that glorious vanity with the mirror as big as the moon and mahogany wood, imperfectly perfect with age. i longed for it to be mine, dropping hints, hopeful for the possibility that it would someday be passed on to me.

it never graced my home. i'm not sure where it landed after her passing, a family disheveled before her death, even more so after. i doubt that anyone took that vanity to love it and pass it along as i had hoped to.

i found redemption in an old sewing machine. a treasure passed down from that precious one, nearly eighty years old and full of loveliness. little eyes looked on in admiration as i learned to use this historic beauty, oozing with memories.

you could see them resurface as she turned the wheel, adjusting tension. reminiscent of ruffles and button holes tenderly sewn for her little one, now a grandmother. a knowing look of fleeting time filled her eyes as she shared stories from back when.

a moment of frustration with the machine led us to giggle over the infamous phrase she uses when upset, "o great!" i hugged her and kissed the top of her head, thankful for this moment in time. a moment that i will remember, share and pass down to my girls.

legacy, beauty from ashes.

*linking up with emily for imperfect prose

:the one where we enjoy good old honest play:

the clouds roll in and hang heavy, as if the sky could drop them at any minute. the sun begs to break through but cannot. there's a chill in the air, not felt before now. i dig out warm coats, hats and gloves. remembering how much i love a nice cozy scarf and the coat gifted from that man that knows me so well.

he has an unexpected day off so we decide to go to the park. instant FAMILY DAY! he starts dressing the children while i grab a shower. there are lunches and diaper bags to pack, water cups to fill and entertainment for the drive. leaving the house is no easy ordeal with three little ones.

yet we made it out the door and headed to the park in a nearby city. after about three hundred and fifty thousand are-we-there-yets? we arrived. they delighted in an old steam engine they could play in and a tiny mechanism that acted as a bull dozer of sorts. the swings were a hit, especially with daddy flying high beside them scaring me with talk of flipping off backwards. heaven help.

they giggled and ran and refused to stop for the pictures i wanted to take. who can blame them, there is fun to be had and photographs are just an interference to the beauty found in good old honest play.

jacob is good at playing and i am learning from him.

consumed far too often by the list of to-do's i miss moments, opportunities, memories for the keeping. reading this today on sarah bessey's blog puts things in perspective...

"cleaning and scrubbing can wait til tomorrow for babies grow up we've learned to our sorrow. so quiet down cobwebs. dust, go to sleep. i'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep."

babies don't keep, but memories do, so lets make lots of them today. amen?

:the one where we delight in pumpkins:

some days are harder than others on this journey of motherhood. some days nothing falls into place and no one cooperates with the schedule i have laid out for us. some days the walls start to cave in, wrestless souls bouncing off of them.

we made our way to the pumpkin patch not far from our home. i wanted to grab a couple of pictures of the darlings and let them pick out a tiny pumpkin just their size. we arrived. they were tired and a tad grumpy making them less than enthused about my picture taking.

a lady greeted us and followed us around as we explored the pumpkins, sitting and climbing on some. she was a grandmother, radiating excitement over my little ones. they were unresponsive to some of her questions so i gently reminded them of their manners and their opportunity to bless others through conversation.

she offered no judgement while they struggled to be friendly. she doted over them and encouraged them to see the biggest and strangest pumpking during their exploration. she saw me taking pictues of them and came over and offered to take some of all of us.

a small act, a huge blessing.
one mother encouraging another.

:the one where our days are not wasted:

a weekend away, forced disconnect, can put a gal right back where she needs to be. green cove, virginia, where cell phone signals go to die and wi-fi is still something to be desired. yet the trees virbant with color- reds, oranges, yellows- all different shades, are a perfect replacement for the hustle and bustle of every day life.

we walked under rain kissed trees, coffee in hand, for what seemed like miles. just around the bend guys, just around the bend, he kept saying. finally we made it to the view that he wanted for us. the one that stood us over the world. the one that whispered peace and yelled glory all at the same time. i would have enjoyed it more, i'm certain, if i hadn't had that full cup of coffee on the way up.

i snapped tons of pictures by that big red barn. the kind of background that no matter how wretched you look, due to misty skies and wet pastures, makes everything beautiful.

we gathered around the fire as it blazed hot in the cool night sky. competing for attention with the rushing creek in the background. we shared a blanket and stories and laughter. man did we share laughter.

laughter bonds.

talks of movies, actors and other mindless chatter took us well into the night, finally crawling into bed after 1am, some after 3am, waking at 7am and never missing a beat.

 

 

"the most wasted of all days is one without laughter"

-e.e. cummings


*just writing with heather today

::the one where we summer::

around january the longing begins. i long for warm nights and hot days. i long for the sun beating down, beads of sweat on my nose. i long for the crunch of scorched grass and the blue of chlorine pools. i long for hours outside with filth so thick on little ones rings line the bath tub at the end of the night. i long for fireflies in mason jars and relaxing on the porch as the sun sets.

summer.

summer 2012 is the last summer before eisley begins school for the first time. it's the last summer the little ones will be five, three and 6 months. so we are making the most of our moments.

we camp. hike and pet wild ponies. the little one wants to keep going and declares herself "the best hiker ever." she takes quiet time in the tent, so much like me in that way. loves people but craves the quiet of solitude for refreshing. we roast marshmallows and read The Little House on the Prairie hours past her bedtime. she snuggles from the chill of the morning and climbs trees like it's her job.

we swim. jump off the diving board and pretend to be mermaids and fish. eisley insists on swimming without swimmies and durgin has absolutely no fear, determined to jump off the diving board backwards like mommy and daddy. rohen kicks her feet and watches her older siblings with adoration.

we have sleep overs and play dates. we have picnics in the living room and watch movies. we ride bikes and read books. oh boy do we read books. we tell stories and make art for display. we eat cupcakes and popsicles. we garden and take pride in our bounty. we make homemade salsa and eat more than we should. we stay up late and wake up early. we live fully.

summer at its finest. making the most of each day. living simply. loving well.


*just writing with heather

::the one where i pay tribute to the fresh prince and dj jazzy jeff::

***

the to-do list goes on and on and i am a do-er. i like to cross things off my list. i like a tidy home. i like order and routine. yet with three little ones i am finding that the house will not always or even most of the time be tidy. toys will be strewn from one end to the other. dishes will pile in the sink as needs are tended to. dust will accumulate. crumbs will remain on the floor no matter how many times a day i sweep. laundry will pile up. i mean lets be honest that's a task that overwhelmed me with two children and now there are three and i'm considering cloth diapers, so there.

if i did everything on my to-do list every day my children would be very much neglected. they would miss mommy and memories made. when they are grown and have children of their own i want them to look back at their childhood and be able to say i...

played with them every day.
enjoyed motherhood.
made them laugh
extended grace.
made them feel more important than a clean house.
made exceptions to the rules.
was over-the-moon in love with their daddy.
took time to make memories.
was intentional.

in light of my wishlist i start my day thinking of ways i can intentionally engage with my children. i ask myself, how can i know them more today? i find that they talk more, at 5 and almost 3, when we are actively playing together.

{{a few ideas to get the juices flowing}}

craft paper creativity
i took craft paper and taped it across our dinning room table cover each of our place settings.  then i provided markers, stamps, stencils, stickers, fun music and the freedom to create whatever my little darlings' hearts desired.

homemade play-dough
you can find the recipe here. both of my children love to roll out the play-dough and then use it as a stomping ground for their dinosaurs or cars. they make foot prints and tracks galore and then flip it and start all over again.

adventure walk
taking time to walk with my children has proven to be some of the sweetest times we spend together. we look for bugs. we notice flowers in bloom. we climb trees. we collect things. we play i spy. we giggle a lot.

impromptu dance party
when the weather starts to warm up and summer approaches i always think of the song summertime by fresh prince and dj jazzy jeff. yes i realize i am showing my age. i set pandora to {summertime} radio and let the alpine blast and we dance around the house in honor of making memories and the anticipation of summa summa summertime.

toilet paper roll creations
you can search toilet paper roll on pinterest.com and find a ton of different things you can create. we went with butterflies and you can find the tutorial here.

declare it cookie day
we are a low sugar kind of family. something about the way it makes my kids bounce off the walls and is an overall unhealthy habit makes us save sugar for special occasions. so inspired by the lovely amber, we declared it cookie day. and we said it with exclaimation and arms in the air... {COOKIEEEEEE DAY!!!}.

bake together
what adult can't remember the joy of licking the spoon after the baking of a cake or brownies as a kid? it's a favorite past time of mine. so occasionally i let my precious little ones enjoy the indulgence of licking the spoon. look at the joy on her face! makes a mama's heart happy.


what are some ways you spend time with your children?


*linking up with the better mom

::in december, i will::

:photo:

i already feel the pull. the need to rush and hurry. the to-do lists turn over in my mind at night. the calendar pages seem to flip over like leaves in rushing wind.

chaos.

it insists on being a part of the holiday season. it pushes and prods into every moment planned like it has the right to be there. it loves to change our focus to the negative. it loves to bogg us down and make us feel overwhelmed and unaccomplished.

i have decided to receive december differently this year. to welcome it like a warm blanket on a cold winters day. to wrap myself in all of the loveliness it has to offer. to focus on the gift and not the gift-giving.

today is the first, a new beginning. i can start over with my to-do list. i can start over with my plans. i can take another look at my calendar and weed out the unnecessary.


in december...

i will sit and hold my coffee tight, breathing in the aroma and feeling the warmth between my fingers.

i will put aside my computer, my books, my dirty floors and dishtowels and go running when the little ones call.

i will sit and play with them, imagine with them undivided by my to-do list.

i will make memories with my family.

i will laugh more and be silly.

i will have more coffee dates and play dates unconcerned about the appearance of my home.

i will take more walks with my family.

i will make hot chocolate and play pretty pretty princess.

i will anticipate the coming of christ with great expectation this advent season.

i will take great joy in hiding nat our elf on the shelf each day for the children to find.

i will admire the beauty of christmas every day.

i will roll with the punches that may come.

i will stress less.

i will steal more kisses from jacob and hugs from my darlings.

i will write notes and cards to those i love and care for as time allows.

i will not worry that i do not have a christmas card to send out this year.

i will not worry that my gift is or isn't enough.

i will not worry about what i do not have time for.

but i will praise the slowness of december.


how about you friend? how will you spend december?

:he's mine in the morning:

eyes that captivate, just like his daddy and blonde hair we both had as tinies. he's full-blast from sun up to sun down. i watch him now as he lays on his belly eating dry cheerios (waiting on his real breakfast) watching seasame street. elmo is every kids best friend. cars lined up under his feet.

crunch crunch crunch.

i take it all in. the view from over my laptop as my fingers taps the keys.
the written word freezes time. saves this moment to the deepest part of my mind.

thankful.

this boy, this blessing that loves his daddy with all his might. daddy's boy to the core. he snuggles with daddy unprompted. he kisses daddy and says things like "you're so sweet." he always greets his daddy first and when i get him up in the morning daddy is the first thing he asks for.

he has something i never had and for that i am overwhelmed with gratitude.

the morning tells a different story.
it's just us.
me and the little guy.
we talk, he is definitely my boy because he loves to talk.
he's silly and i'm silly.
he snuggles and i snuggle him right back.
he is mine in the morning.





*linking up with heather for just write

::what makes a happy family::

"A happy family is but an earlier heaven"

-George Bernard Shaw

saturday we took some time to just be a family.
we took a stroll outside, noting the most beautiful blue sky.
we gave ample hugs and kisses.
we shared nilla wafers and chocolate milk.
we watched as the children ran and played and made new friends.
we watched as they discovered.
we encouraged.
we basked in all that is family.

and today......i am thankful.



*linking up with life made lovely