:the one where we dream as five:

we've dreamed a lot of dreams.

we dreamed of togetherness in that tiny one bedroom apartment. and so we were, together. late night strolls downtown. our first real christmas tree together and those silly santa hats i had us wear christmas morning. you're welcome dear.

then she came, not like i planned, even better. she made our world happy and crazy and busy and confusing all at the same time. curls tight, eyes blue and lips full. the epitome of beauty and innocence. now she dreams. as of late she has her heart set on motherhoood, art, oh and being a pop star. thank you barbie and aunt stacy. we look at each other often and mouth the words, "olive juice."  smile the knowing smile of a secret between just the two of us. the keeping kind like pinkie swears and cross-my-heart-hope-to-die's.

 

next came the boy. and oh boy, what a boy. eisley, passive and nurturing. durgin full-on, full-speed, full-force, every second that he is awake. yet he snuggles and speaks love unprompted, knowing it should be both patient and kind. he loves well and forgives easily. already learning to break his sister with hugs and giggles.

sweet baby girl, the last of our brood, the natural way that is, did wonders for this mama heart. hard and defensive, walls high and full of i-don't-need-anyone. she helped me let them in. the ones i don't need but can't do without. the ones that can speak both healing and hurt if allowed too close. one week in the NICU and my walls came down, washed away like a dam in a heavy rain. a crack at first, followed by waterfalls of healing tears.

now we dream as five. FIVE.


*linking up with the parent hood and heather for just write

::the one where we take a turn, while others go straight::

we walked in and ordered our drinks, iced caramel macchiatos. small talked with our favorite barista, giving her a hard time about dinner plans that have not come to pass. we laughed with the other one, that looks like olivia wilde, eyes that stop you in your tracks. making our way to an outside table he lamented forgetting his cigars as he rarely gets time to relax in this way. we took the obligatory instagram picture several times until one met my approval. then we settled into conversation saturated with dreams.

somewhere along this journey of life we took a turn while everyone else kept straight. we desire a life of less, not more. constantly purging this home of all things that hinder joy and life abundant. we desire a life of community, encouraging others along the way, carrying each others burdens, going the extra mile. we desire pockets of friends huddled over coffee discussing the life of jesus and how we can be more like him.

he dreams of a home church that begins with meals that fill the belly, sandwiched with  conversations good for the soul and laughter on the end. we wonder if there are others on a similar journey, seeking the jesus of the bible. the one that hung out with whores and thieves and low lives and proclaimed their value. the one that encouraged caring for the poor and widowed. the one that cared much more about people than the laws set in place. the one that would break the law if it meant meeting the need of a brother or sister.

i dream of a time for moms to come together and be refreshed. maybe reading a book together, or scripture or neither. just talking the evening away so excited for an opportunity to have conversations that are not interrupted with requests for more milk, help with the potty, cleaning up messes or breaking  up disputes. i dream of a home full of mothers with no common bond but this season of pouring out. i dream of a safe place to be real without fear of judgement or comparison. i dream of mothers encouraging mothers.

i check the time, knowing my precious mama is at home with the babies, and has to work tomorrow. we finish up the last sips of our coffee delighted with our time together and hopeful that our dreams may come to fruition. breathing in the moment one last time, we throw our cups in the trash and walk to our car hand in hand, we don't say it allowed but know we are blessed.

::was this planned?::

that is the question most asked when i tell the exciting news.

{baby number 3 is on the way!}

so in response....YES this was planned. we have always wanted a big family. so we actually plan to have...wait for it... four children.

i  dream of the sound of little ones running through the house playing and squeeling with delight.

i dream of bunk beds in each room.

i dream of family vacations in our mini van- yes the one i vowed i would never own- packed to the brim with children and luggage.

i dream of them playing sports and cheering for one another.

i dream of family movie nights with a child under every arm.

i dream of setting the table for six.  stretching meals and budgets.

i dream of cooking for them and with them.

i dream of them being close.

i dream of them one day growing up and having families of their own to bring home for visits.

i dream....

so yes this was planned.
yes we are thrilled.
and yes we are blessed beyond measure!