i find it difficult to trust.
to trust the provision of sacrifice.
to trust the walking on water.
to trust the healing of a sick loved one or bringing them back to life.
to trust the hungry will be fed.
to trust the provisions for tomorrow like the lillies and the birds.
to trust the good things that are working out around me.
then i read something like this and see provision.
then i talk with this person and see healing.
then i discover this and this and see the hungry fed.
then i talk with this person
and she tells me that we should make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and feed those that don't have any food. that we should give them some of our toys. that we would share our clothes and she is jesus with skin on.
then i remember
"there is much that we cannot understand, but our lack of comprehension neither negates nor eliminates it" written by madeleine l'engle and i find comfort.
whether i trust or not god is at work.
providing.
healing.
feeding.
loving.
so today i will trust that which i cannot understand and rest in gratitude as i soak it all in.
i'd love to hear your thoughts on trust.
i am constantly looking for god's involvement in my life and the lives of other people. i question almost daily why he doesn't step in and do something about the children being sold into slavery and sex trafficking? why doesn't he make food fall from heaven in the horn of africa? why doesn't he heal those children that fill brenners hospital from cancer?
then i have conversations like the one i had with krissy. she didn't say anything new but she said exactly what i needed to hear.
last night i was reading traveling mercies by ann lamott and came across this passage:
Again and again, I tell God I need help, and God says, "Well isn't that fabulous? Because I need help too. So you go get that old woman over there some water, and I'll figure out what we're going to do about your stuff." Maybe Rick [who has stage four cancer in this story] had told God (as he understands God) that he needed some energy that morning, and God had said,"Well great, because Sam Lamott needs a ride to school. Could you do that for me? And I'll be getting your some strength."
another example of how when we get involved, god gets involved. or maybe i should say his involvement becomes evident.
i am processing these thoughts.
i am aware and looking for opportunities for when god might need my help.
for i am convinced, when i am involved, god is involved.
i'd love to hear your thoughts. when and where do you see god's involvement?
she sat next to me, coffee in hand, listening as i asked the question i always ask.
why isn't he involved?
where is he in this situation?
she knows my heart. my struggles of belief and doubt.
she spoke wisdom.
he is involved.
this is when god says, i am waiting for you to to love this person. i am waiting for you to step into this situation. i live in you. when you are involved, i am involved.
my defenses grew.
i thought to myself, look at the circumstances of her life. couldn't he just step in and do something.
later i thought about her words of wisdom when my defenses and need to be right had ceased.
if his involvement is evident when i become involved then...
