:the one where i encourage her to wait:

i had it made, the veil i wore in my wedding. it consisted of tulle and the most beautiful headband adorned with silver and pearls. the moment i put it on i teared up. i was a ball of emotion and excitement. we gathered to pray and overwhelmed with nerves i busted out crying/laughing. waiting to walk down the aisle i started again, tears. the ugly hold-back-the-tears face emerged as i entered those double doors. he took my hand and nervousness turned to giggles and i shook for a good three minutes, thankful for the protection offered by the veil.

i said i do and i did, and i still do, every day.

he is more than i could have ever hoped or imagined. when doubt creeps in and i wonder about god's involvement in our lives, i remember that day and all the days that have followed. he is reflection of goodness and mercy and grace. love unconditional. kisses that make my knees buckle. his smile and eyes mesmerizing.

this is what love looks like little one.

can i encourage you to do one thing? wait for it.

right now you are happy to make plans to marry your brother. yet, one day, your heart will beat fast and your tummy will feel strange and you will be a bundle of emotions. you will have crushes. oh will you ever have crushes. and you might be crushed. it hurts like the dickens sweet girl but you will recover. i have laid on the floor in a puddle of my own tears more than once over what i thought was love. it wasn't. love is patient and kind and selfless. it comes in all shapes and sizes but when in doubt look to your daddy. he is the epitome of love.

you know how he is always happy to see you? always answers when you call? always plays that game one more time? reads one more book? this is him meeting your needs, thinking of you first.
this is what love looks like.

you know how he takes you out, just the two of you? buys your favorite treat? talks with you and wants to know you?
this is what love looks like.

you know how he runs to the rescue when you are hurt? doctors you? dries your tears and adds a band aid where needed?
this is what love looks like.

you know how he referees your battles with your brother? encourages kindness and love and a pure heart? wanting the best in and for you?
this is what love looks like.

wait for it my child. wait for this kind of love. i promise you'll be glad you did.

:the one where we play the right kind of games :

when you are young there is this whole battle for control. a desire to control people. especially those of the opposite sex. you like him but he doesn't like you. then he likes you but you don't like him anymore. there are secrets and hurts and words that should have never been spoken. yet you love and he loves this shallow love that you one day realize wasn't love at all.

one day you meet love and it looks nothing like the deceiver that possessed so many years of your young life.

one day you meet love and it is real and deep and forever.

one day you meet love and it doesn't control. it doesn't hurt and words are never weapons.

one day you meet love and it doesn't hold back or pretend. it gives and accepts.

one day you meet love and it gives you late night talks about everything and nothing at all.

one day you meet love and it is a game of horse, with the little ones new basketball goal, while the tinies sleep.

one day you meet love and it is late night runs to the grocery store for your favorite ice cream and magic shell.

one day you meet love and it is laundry and sweeping floors. no longer chores but teamwork.

one day you meet love and it is compromise and bending over backwards, never competition.

one day you meet love and it is more than you could have ever dreamed.

one day you meet love and it is laughter, so. much. laughter.

one day you meet love and it is blue eyes and smiles passed down to little ones you made together.

one day you meet love and it is fun.

one day you meet love and it is forever and true.

you find that it is without a doubt, worth the wait.

::there was this one time, at band camp::

:photo source:

i mean, baptist hospital, when this happened....

remember when i told you about baby girl being in the NICU?
those hospital walls were closing in on us. besides sleeping in a shoebox- a small room that held a twin bed and a chair and that was it- we had a good night and decided to venture out for lunch. i knew i had to pee before i left the hospital and planned to use the restroom when we arrived at the restaurant.

did i mention it was valentines day?

so we get to the restaurant and i ask the waitress for the restroom and proceed to sit down, eat my lunch and never go. i remember as we are leaving the restaurant thinking, i'll go when we get back to the hospital.

did i mention i had a baby four days earlier?

we get back to the hospital and have to park further away from the entrance than we had before. no big deal. we get out of the van and my sweet husband needs to get something out of his suitcase and he takes foreeeeeeeeeeever. i even make the comment, "remember when i said i had to pee, before we got to the restaurant? yep, still need to." he rolled his eyes at my sarcasm that often comes out as just plain mean and we started off through the parking deck.

he was being funny or something along the way, he's like that. we laugh a lot togther. that's probably why we are so happy and in love. well that and grace, tons of grace.

anyways, he was making me laugh and i told him to stop. and i felt it coming. i stopped, crossed my legs as tight as i could while he continued walking not noticing what was about to take place. i pulled tight any muscle that would submit but alas, all were worn slap out from the birth of baby number three and refused to assist in my deepest time of need.  

the flood gates opened and yes folks, i wet my pants right there in the parking lot of baptist hospital. i'm not talking a little wet either. i'm talking down my legs to my shoes kind of wet. i know, gross.
jacob walks towards me laughing, cause really who wouldn't laugh at a grown woman soaking herself in public, but i start crying. hysterically, post pardum, dear-god-why kind of crying. and....here's the best part....due to horomones, that's my story and i'm sticking to it, i got mad at him. it was afterall his fault. he was being funny. come on!!!

he took it well, in silence. no retaliation to the crazy.

did i mention we give each other a lot of grace?

i dug out clean pajama pants and underwear from the suitcase in the van and my sweet husband bought me a pair of brand-spankin'-new RED toms. happy valentine's day to me. i then put my toms on with my red polkadot pajama pants and marched myself into ann taylor to buy a pair of pants. yep, in. my.pajamas.

finally able to laugh about the whole ordeal and realizing how horomonally-pyscho i was, told my sweet fella i was super sorry and we kissed and made up.

ahhhh married life.
grace. grace. all is grace.

::thoughts on marriage::

:photo:

what feels like a lifetime ago i hosted a community girls bible study in my home. girls came from all around to eat, play games, hang out and learn about jesus. it was a special time in my life. it was a time to give them what i did not have at their age. a safe place to be themselves.

the first time i went to youth sunday school no one welcomed me except the teacher which was one of my classmates dad. can we say obligation? i was a shy, introverted, awkward kid and treated as such. except by a few select boys that were my friends from school which did not help my situation when it came to the girls in the class. oh and please don't think it was because i was pretty and competition for them. i wasn't...either of those things. i had braces and was in that transition phase of having the top of my mouth widened, ya know with the key you turn every night. so i had rather large and unattractive gap between my already crooked teeth. i apparently hadn't looked in the mirror in months because in my school picture, i can now look back on and laught at, i had a perm that started about midway down my head due to non maintenance. so needless to say i did not become the most popular girl in youth group. i actually hated youth group.

so with that said....community girls bible study was a place that anyone and everyone could come and be welcomed. i loved those girls and they loved me. i respected them and shared their burdens and helped them sort through their drama. it felt like, and still does, just yesterday that i was in their shoes, going through the same struggles. i could relate.

several of those girls that attended have graduated high school, college and are now married and a few have children.

since i am a lifestage ahead of these girls i thought i would share a few things with the newlyweds that may encourage them in this season of their lives.

:photo:

1. live simply.
you will be tempted to buy a new car, new furniture, new everything. you just will. it's called instant gratification and our society has been saturated with the idea that you must have whatever you want RIGHT NOW. it's a lie. you don't. i promise you will be happier if you will save save save. jacob and i lived in a tiny one bedroom apartment and bought second hand furniture when we were first married and it was wonderful. it was a lovely start to our lives together. also, read organized simplicity by tsh oxenreider for great perspective on living simply.

2. consider the heart.
did your new husband just say something stupid that either cut straight to the heart or totally ticked you off? yeh that. ignore it. ask yourself, was his intent to cause me harm? if the answer is no, and it most likely is, just ignore it and know that you are loved.

we were with friends a few weeks ago and the wife made the comment about not being able to lose weight (although she totally doesn't need to- she looks like a model- seriously...and yes i'm talking to you-serious eyes). ahem, anyway, the husband says something like" if you would just... blah blah blah."  jacob and i both looked at each other and simultaneously said something like "dude! what are you doing?" he's a super guy. loves his wife. doesn't care if she loses weight (again she doesn't need to) but he just spoke without thinking. we all do it. excuse it and move on. life will be sweeter if you do.

3. if his underwear is in the floor just pick it up.
i don't know why but men just like to leave their underwear, and other articles of clothing, on the floor, or chair, or windowseat. geez. yes, it drives me bonkers too. and yes, i occasionally say something like, "babe! i pick up after the children i shouldn't have to pick up your stuff too." but then i pick it up anyway and either put it away or give it to him and move on. afterwards realizing the moments following would have been  much sweeter without saying a word. in the broad scheme of things does it really matter? just pick up his draws (is that how you would spell it?) and move on. don't waste precious moments of your life together on petty matters.


this concludes todays lesson on being newly married.

please add your thoughts and humor if you like.

::love looks like...::

Late night chats, head to pillow after the children have fallen asleep. Talking about life, love, politics, religion, simple living and our dreams. Making love takes a new form.


Endurance of the tired child that desperately needs sleep but does not yet understand the goodness of rest.


The giving of one more minute, one more sip of milk and one more peek around the room for monsters.


Grace for one another and others.

Holding hands in the car and as we walk. Always touching. Even if at the end of the day when all energy has been poured out, our feet meet beneath the warmth of our covers saying “I’m here.”


Pictures unending to document this amazing life.


This is what love looks like right now.
What does love look like to you?



*this post was inspired by sarah at emerging mummy*
*linking up at life rearranged  for instafriday*

::the question i asked 1000 times::

{how do you know who you are supposed to marry?}

i wondered about my prince charming from a very young age. as young as elementary school i pictured my wedding with the fella i had my eye on at the time. i doodled wedding dresses and thought about color themes and brides maids.

i wandered into young adulthood with same question in the forefront of my mind. every married person i encountered faced the fifth degree.

how did you know he was the one?

and every person i talked with gave me the same answer:

you just know.

as a young person this did NOT offer much comfort to my searching heart. i was with someone and didn't just know he was the one. so i considered their answers nonsense instead of wisdom and went on with my life thinking i might just marry that guy.

until....
we broke up and i began a deep friendship with this other fella. we hung out. we watched movies. we played tennis. we played cards (and footsie). we got to know each other. we were friends. great great friends. friends that began dating. friends that fell in love. friends that got married. friends that became parents.

so you might be asking, how did you know he was the one?

my answer:: i just knew.

{{happy anniversary to the love of my life...jacob}}