:the one where i see trash, she sees treasure:

she never worried much as i took off toward the field. or if she did, she didn't show it. i imagine when someone has been through the hard stuff like she has, you just stop worrying along the way and trust Him.

it wasn't far to get to the field. the one with the tall grass, only bush hogged twice a year. the same one my mama played in as a little girl. telling of the racer snake that decided to chase her one day. she ran with all her might, squealing with fear, while her sisters rolled the ground with side splitting laughter.

i tiptoed through that part of the journey, watching every step, ever fearful of snakes. once i reached the woods, i feared no more as my neighbor friends crawled through the barb wire fence, careful not to get their clothes caught. we walked every inch of those woods throughout our childhood. we carved out tucked away club houses for our enjoyment. we swung from vines and walked barefoot in the creek. hours spent exploring and sharing stories. never noticing the sun going down until their mama whistled for them to come home. acres and acres of land between us and her, but that whistle, you could hear for miles.

we ran home, sad for the days end. yet always looking forward to the promise of tomorrow.

i walked through the leafy trees and around broken branches as she showed me every detail. this is the gate and those are my minnie flip flops for decoration. she took me to the bedrooms straight away. she climbed high claiming the top as her domain. a small place a the bottom was offered for my comfort. durgin's room somewhere to the left. she mentioned a branch broken by her cousin but quickly assured me that the brokenness was okay. she already understands imperfection makes way for character.

the little guy swung from branches declaring in a strained voice, this is how we climb. he could barely get those two flinstone feet off the ground but he was giving it all his might.

eisley continued the tour to another part of the woods. there was an old dog house turned upside down with a bunch of trampoline springs and leaves mixed together. i said, you should get daddy to take that to the trash. the mama in me, always purging and cleaning. to which she quickly replied, no! that's our treasure box. a reminder, one man's trash really is another man's treasure. she instantly saw value in something i thought held none.

so it is with people. easy to point out the ugly, no good, yucky side. much harder to look past all of that to see the beautiful. yet i'm certain god gave this one to me for this very reason. she makes me see. man oh man, have i been missing so much.

:one year, oh dear:

in the darkness i held her feverish body close to mine. i rocked the hurt away in that old rocking chair handed down by my sister. the one where the afghan, made by aunt dorothy, hangs. the sound machine roared ocean waves that rolled with the rhythm of the rocker. she held the collar of my shirt and laid her head on my shoulder. i felt the weight of her body grow heavy as she gave way to sleep.

prayers are easiest in the night. hushed words of promise spoken over little ones. blessings bestowed. preparing my heart, even no, for the letting go. when they are called to the purposes of the upside down kingdom.

her heart so tender and loving. i pray it will carry her always. that she may love freely, all. especially the broken and beaten down. that she would stand up for the oppressed and give grace to the oppressor. that they would know Him by her love.

still i hold her tight knowing these moments are both a gift and fleeting.

today marks one year from when we first received the news so vague. the uncertainty presented and whirlwind set into motion. the day that i had to trust in Him, for nothing was in my control. my sweet jarius baby, you have been pointing me to Him since the very beginning. as i walked halls with swollen feet and a broken heart begging for you to be okay. please lord, heal my daughter, was my plea. the sting of helplessness still fresh. yet here you are, well. taking first steps on your first birthday. already giving gifts to those around you.

today i rest with a full heart, knowing He is near.

*linking up with carrissa for miscellany monday
*just writing with heather

:the one where the little one has a super power:

oh little one of mine, tiny in stature and frame. how did we get here so quickly? do tell, little one, what is the secret to slowing time? what is the secret to holding on, remembering all?

everything within my mama heart wants to remember how you wrinkle your nose when you smile. not a tooth in sight, gums for miles, brighten a whole room. quite the task for such a little bit. you say your daddy's name all day long but we both know you are mama's girl. don't worry, i'll never tell.

just when did you turn crawling into sport? heaven knows you'd win any race set before you. oh and thank you so much for keeping my floors so clean. what you don't get with your clothes you happily pick up with you itty-bity fingers and place carefully into your mouth. spotless, i tell you, spotless.

i love to see your little bottom upright. you cruise from furniture piece to furniture peace. you want to take a step but it's just too darn scary at the moment. that's okay, no rush, lets just take it slow, shall we?

in case you didn't know it, little one, your eyes are your super power. like kryptonite, they disable even the strongest of foes. you can thank your daddy for that lovely gift. his are the same and mommy is powerless against them.

we will celebrate your first birthday next month. i'm already planning your party. all of your favorite people we be there. all giving thanks for the glorious gift of one year with you, our sweet jarius baby.

forever loving you,
mommy

:the one where we are slowing down:

the days are long this time of year. jacob works well into the darkness and we wish for friday, monday through thursday. we long for weekends, time with family and friends. too often we fill our weekends to the brim with the doing.

this weekend took a natural pause. we picked up our christmas tree saturday morning with a couple of cranky kiddos. the end result of late nights with friends. we took them home for naps with the promise of hot chocolate and tree decorating when they awoke. all three babies fell right to sleep while jacob and i fell into comfy couches. we snuggled tight and even managed to sneak in a little shut-eye before post nap chaos ensued.

the children leaped out of bed to the christmas tree in a single jump, full of excitement. we made hot chocolate, sugar cookies and sausage balls while daddy added lights to the tree. then we all joined him for ornament placement. eisley, suddenly sixteen years old, delicately handling each ornament adding a hook and carefully placing each one on the tree in just the right spot. she entertained her brother and indulged his every request in her most mommy-like voice.

the grand finale was the addition of the star, twice. once for eisley and once for durgin, a photo captured of each. we sat down in admiration of our creation. deep breaths, taking it all in, always flashing forward to when they are grown. willing the moment to slow and stick for eternity in my heart.

in celebration of our tree decoration skills we ventured outside where jacob built a fire in the pit and the children built forts in the woods. there is something about climbing trees that is so darn exhilarating. the sound of leaves crunching under foot, the canopy of trees creating a darkness of sorts. they were in heaven and so were we as we took in the smell of pine and the sound of our children at play with nothing more than their imagination.

we celebrated the first sunday of advent by reading scripture and singing christmas carols as a family, totally off key, while playing keep away with balloons. laughter echoed off our walls and we delighted in the little things. we recognized His presence and were reminded of His grace.

tis the season, let us slow down and soak it all in.



*linking up with carissa for miscellany monday

:the one where i turn 35:

the morning calls me as it always does. i felt a little one warm against my back. she sneaks in during the night when she is afraid. our bed a security blanket of sorts. i sat up quietly so not to wake the sleeping babies. feet touch the floor and recoil from the chill. i make my way to the living room where the first light of day is just beginning to peek over tree tops. socks and a sweater are quickly added to my morning attire while i notice traces of jacob's early morning departure. flip the switch and the sweet smell of coffee drips fresh for the taking.

a note of love left behind from him, "happy birthday. i love you."

it's short, simple and to the point, just like him. more words would not make it more true.

i sip coffee from my new favorite mug, the one with the typewriter, reminding me of my love for the written word and my calling to it. l'engle, a faithful companion, joins and inspires:

"the very young can be charming and delightful and pretty but only a mature woman can be beautiful."

comfort can be found in these words, especially today.

the very young, no longer includes me, even though i feel it should. time flies, truly.

wasn't it just yesterday i was going on my first date with that guy wearing a belt buckle larger than his entire waist? wasn't it just yesterday i was pulling my hair into a pony tail in the locker room preparing for the afternoon volleyball match? wasn't it just yesterday i wore bright green and walked across the stage, praying i wouldn't trip, to collect my diploma? wasn't it just yesterday i went four wheeling with the one i now call mine, not knowing he would be just that? wasn't it just yesterday that girls flooded in and out of my home, longing to know Him? wasn't it just yesterday i took more than five pregnancy tests to confirm i was carrying our first child and announced it to those precious girls and we danced and laughed with glee? wasn't it just yesterday our first born took her first steps across our dining room floor in pink foot-jammies that said i love mommy, i love daddy?

oh the yesterdays i have had.
oh the tomorrows i have to anticipate.

:the one where we celebrate 7 months:

another blink, another month, gone. you are growing like crazy little one, and on the move. you haven't mastered the crawl yet but you can get anywhere your heart desires. cars and trains, you make a b-line for those. not to worry, my dear, your big brother will not fail you. he runs and yells to save you from getting anything in your hands or mouth that shouldn't be there. every single morning you have a special play date, just you and the little guy. he is your biggest fan.

eisley is nothing short of the best big sister in the world. she is your biggest cheerleader. side by side in the floor sharing secrets, makes this mama heart well up and spill over at the beauty of it all.

oh and honey, that smile, it's working for you. wrinkle that nose and ask me anything i promise i will say yes. especially when you reach out and touch my cheek like you do. also, i love that you have found your voice. your squeals of delight bring sunshine right through the ceiling. no hurry sweet girl, but i look forward to the sound of mama rolling off your tongue.

lets see what month seven has in store for us!

:no stress photography [with children]:

photography takes an instant out of time, altering life by holding it still.

-dorothea lange

daily as a mother i reach out and try to stop the hands of time. i freeze frame special moments, speaking internally, begging my soul to remember. i grab my camera and snap the every day real moments. the ones with chocolate smeared all over faces from breakfast pancakes. the ones with dirty hands and feet from hours of play outside. the ones with grumpy faces from tired tiny hearts. i love these photos and treasure them always.

i needed new family photos desperately. it seems an impossible task with three little ones, five, three and 6 months old. so i decided to just go for updated photographs of the children. last minute i called my sister-in-law and told her to dress her kids for pictures. might as well do all the grandkids on my husbands side while we are at it. we had an impromptu photoshoot and this is what i learned.

a little effort goes a long way

i wanted a little pop of color in the setting. i took fabric scraps of all sizes and quickly sewed them to a piece of twine with a zig-zag stitch. if you don't sew you could just tie the scraps in knots for the same effect. i covered a small children's table with two large pieces of fabric and topped them with the mason jars. my darling husband grabbed a handful of twigs and placed them in the jars while i added a twine bow. my kiddos are totally obsessed with spiders right now and their papa has a vintage book on spiders that made for the perfect accent and enticed the children to the table.

start small

i started the session with the two oldest girls, a.k.a. the most compliant. they loved sitting on the old stool and rocking chair and didn't mind a bit when i told them to share a few secrets. after a few shots of them i added the next little peanut, and the next and the next until we had all five babies posed.

take what you get

with the group shot we mostly got solemn faces and blank stares. it was late afternoon, the children were ready to play and doing their best to oblige our efforts of memory capturing. they were not all looking at the camera and they definitely were not all smiling. this is just fine with me because this is who they are at five, four, three, two and six months.

let them be themselves

my little guy loves cars and to think that he would put his cars down to come pose nice for a picture is just silly. it's not going to happen without tears. so i welcomed his cars and we talked about them and after a few minutes he leaned over and gave me that smile that melts my heart and will send me into full fledged mommy dearest when he is sixteen.

ask for help

what you cannot see from these photographs are my husband and sister-in-law holding the fabric banner in the background and my mother-in-law holding baby girl and rounding up the other little ones. they helped direct and redirect the children and invited smiles and silliness. i would not have been able to do this without them.

have fun

i thought up this little scene and worked with excitement to have it play out as i desired. it was a lot of fun and we have precious pictures to boot.


what are you best tips to no stress photography?


*linking up with carissa for miscellany monday and ruth the better mom

:the best things in life:

she had long blonde hair. so long you imagine it never touched by scissors. a plain jane, this one, but lovely still. she sat in that corner metal chair rarely embarrassed to share her thoughts. somewhat adamant about her opinions. one encounter stands out in my mind though from many years ago. she came into sunday school and said the night before she bagged up nearly half of her belongings to donate. she said she had to, she felt so guilty about having so much when others had so little.

i stood there and thought, she's nuts. why would you bag up your stuff. i mean i know there are people who have less than me but i'm not giving away half of my stuff. who in the world would expect that of me?

***

i made a list in a pretty little notebook. a sucker for cute notebooks and great writing pens. every single room detailed of its excess. things to trash. things to donate. things to sell. room by room , purging. decluttering. though my mission is not spurred by guilt but by neccessity. less things mean less clutter. less clutter means less places for dirt to collect which means less cleaning for me. less clothing means less washing. less stuff means less distractions.

less cleaning, less washing and less distractions means more play, more snuggles, more adventures and more laughter with my family.

those little ones, they are watching. they know what's important to me by where i spend my time and resources. there is a good chance that i will rear children that are somehwat like me. if i think of people more highly than things, maybe they will too. if i use our resources to bless those around us, maybe they will too. if i place value on family and memories made rather than shopping and things obtained, maybe they will too.

the best things in life, aren't things at all, are they?



:the one where we celebrate for no reason at all:

we woke up to rain, the kind that hangs around all day. plans to spend the day in the mountains postponed. we were all disappointed so jacob built the best fort ever and we dreamed we were camping as our lady bug gave us a star filled sky. we wished on the stars and watched our wishes come true.

we read books and played cars. we played play dough and we played play dough some more. we painted. we filled our moments with play and art until play and art no longer satisfied. the grumpies came for a visit and they refused to leave.

there was nothing left to do except celebrate. how can the grumpies stay if we celebrate?

supplies were gathered: pretty cardstock, toothpicks, double sided tape and white powdered donuts. i cut out a cute little flag shape from the cardstock and glued two sides together with a toothpick in the middle. it made our little treat all the more special. and it sent the grumpies marching on their way....at least for a little while.

how do you make the grumpies disappear at your house?


*linking up with carissa for miscellany monday & the better mom

:the one where she learns to cook:

i have decided to add a little more responsibility to my kindergartner. she lights up when i give her tasks that her younger brother and sister cannot manage. she wants to lead and she loves to learn. as a way to nurture her love for cooking, incorporate math and teach responsibility, eisley will now be in charge of the family meals on wednesdays. she will get to choose what we have (within reason), grocery shop for the supplies, think about serving size and the time it takes to prepare the meal as well as be the leader from start to finish. i will simply assist, teach and encourage along the way.

i got the recipe for homemade alfredo sauce from a friend to use as our first meal. eisley added all the ingredients to the pan and stirred until it was melted, careful not to get to close to the hot element. she broke the fettucini noodles and dropped them in the boiling water. she helped saute the mushrooms. we placed the food on each plate together and she topped them with parsley. the meal was delicious and she was totally proud of herself.

do you cook with your children? i'd love some easy recipes if you have any to recommend!

::the one where six months went too fast::

your daddy was off at the Wild Goose Festival when i realized you were on your way. i couldn't bring myself to tell him over the phone. i needed to see his expression and experience the joy of baby number three right with him. that man and me, we are thick as thieves you shall soon see little one.

you were my toughest pregnancy. i don't blame you. i blame age and gravity. yes they are defnitely the culprits. them and that pesky liver malfunctioning making the thought of jumping off a building appealing as opposed to the non. stop. itching. all over my body.

you came into the world beautifully, one push, then you were mine to hold.

our family lavished you with love and i spent the night nursing and cuddling you. the next morning our world flipped upside down as your stability came into question. the sting is fresh when i think back to those moments of uncertainty. yet as i look at you now in the high chair, eyes wide watching me, grace flows.

you radiate joy and contentment. i hold you close and breathe it in along with the glory of His endless mercy. we are telling this story of Him and us and them and you have joined right along making your mark. you pointed my heart toward Him from day one and have continued ever since.

you belly laugh and squeal loud finding your voice. you watch eisley and durgin, learning lessons daily. they love you and you love them and you will be best friends. you love the yummy foods i make for you, squash, sweet potato, carrots and bananas so far. you had a slow start but you are taking off and finally have some chub on your short little legs. no teeth yet but plenty of slobber and gnawing to let us know they are on their way.

we love you little one. all six months of you.

:the one where i have a kindergartner:

it's here. it's really here. my first born, paver of the way for her younger siblings, is a kindergartner. this full of passion, lover of life, five year old gets to officially begin her journey of learning to read and reading to learn and loving to learn and learning to love.

she is thrilled that i will be her teacher and tells me often that she is sad to go to college because i won't be there. i assure her that i will be tagging along much like lorelai gilmore did with her daughter rory when she went off to college. i will be the cool mom that orders take out from local dives for all of her friends and roommates and smoothes the transistion to home away from home.

this journey is not hers but ours. i will walk along side her, leading her, gently guiding her along the way. we will fall down together. pick one another up, dust off the dirt of mistakes and press on together.

this is just the beginning little one, and i could not be more thrilled to be right here with you!

{happy first day of school}

*linking up with carissa for miscellany monday

::the one where i pay tribute to the fresh prince and dj jazzy jeff::

***

the to-do list goes on and on and i am a do-er. i like to cross things off my list. i like a tidy home. i like order and routine. yet with three little ones i am finding that the house will not always or even most of the time be tidy. toys will be strewn from one end to the other. dishes will pile in the sink as needs are tended to. dust will accumulate. crumbs will remain on the floor no matter how many times a day i sweep. laundry will pile up. i mean lets be honest that's a task that overwhelmed me with two children and now there are three and i'm considering cloth diapers, so there.

if i did everything on my to-do list every day my children would be very much neglected. they would miss mommy and memories made. when they are grown and have children of their own i want them to look back at their childhood and be able to say i...

played with them every day.
enjoyed motherhood.
made them laugh
extended grace.
made them feel more important than a clean house.
made exceptions to the rules.
was over-the-moon in love with their daddy.
took time to make memories.
was intentional.

in light of my wishlist i start my day thinking of ways i can intentionally engage with my children. i ask myself, how can i know them more today? i find that they talk more, at 5 and almost 3, when we are actively playing together.

{{a few ideas to get the juices flowing}}

craft paper creativity
i took craft paper and taped it across our dinning room table cover each of our place settings.  then i provided markers, stamps, stencils, stickers, fun music and the freedom to create whatever my little darlings' hearts desired.

homemade play-dough
you can find the recipe here. both of my children love to roll out the play-dough and then use it as a stomping ground for their dinosaurs or cars. they make foot prints and tracks galore and then flip it and start all over again.

adventure walk
taking time to walk with my children has proven to be some of the sweetest times we spend together. we look for bugs. we notice flowers in bloom. we climb trees. we collect things. we play i spy. we giggle a lot.

impromptu dance party
when the weather starts to warm up and summer approaches i always think of the song summertime by fresh prince and dj jazzy jeff. yes i realize i am showing my age. i set pandora to {summertime} radio and let the alpine blast and we dance around the house in honor of making memories and the anticipation of summa summa summertime.

toilet paper roll creations
you can search toilet paper roll on pinterest.com and find a ton of different things you can create. we went with butterflies and you can find the tutorial here.

declare it cookie day
we are a low sugar kind of family. something about the way it makes my kids bounce off the walls and is an overall unhealthy habit makes us save sugar for special occasions. so inspired by the lovely amber, we declared it cookie day. and we said it with exclaimation and arms in the air... {COOKIEEEEEE DAY!!!}.

bake together
what adult can't remember the joy of licking the spoon after the baking of a cake or brownies as a kid? it's a favorite past time of mine. so occasionally i let my precious little ones enjoy the indulgence of licking the spoon. look at the joy on her face! makes a mama's heart happy.


what are some ways you spend time with your children?


*linking up with the better mom

:: no one as good as him::

:photo source::

she picks out the book and lays it on the bed. i notice her watching me. waiting for my response. she chose that one again. the one that makes me cry. she knows this and is curious.

the lines read,

"the last time that you said you'd marry me when you grew old"

and she asks,

"mommy, can little girls marry their daddy's?"

she shares her dream often. she will marry daddy. durgin will marry me and we will live side by side. she's five and this is her reality. however, her question was more serious this time. as if someone has already told her the answer. so i respond with the honesty she is seeking.

"no eisley, they can't."

her lip turns out and head tips towards the floor. she is overcome with sadness at this news. searching my mind for wisdom and comfort, i say,

"you can marry someone as good as daddy."

she looks at me with pure conviction and responds through tears,

"but there is no one as good as daddy."

he has set the bar extremely high and i pray she never seeks less than a man like her daddy.




"

::in december, i will::

:photo:

i already feel the pull. the need to rush and hurry. the to-do lists turn over in my mind at night. the calendar pages seem to flip over like leaves in rushing wind.

chaos.

it insists on being a part of the holiday season. it pushes and prods into every moment planned like it has the right to be there. it loves to change our focus to the negative. it loves to bogg us down and make us feel overwhelmed and unaccomplished.

i have decided to receive december differently this year. to welcome it like a warm blanket on a cold winters day. to wrap myself in all of the loveliness it has to offer. to focus on the gift and not the gift-giving.

today is the first, a new beginning. i can start over with my to-do list. i can start over with my plans. i can take another look at my calendar and weed out the unnecessary.


in december...

i will sit and hold my coffee tight, breathing in the aroma and feeling the warmth between my fingers.

i will put aside my computer, my books, my dirty floors and dishtowels and go running when the little ones call.

i will sit and play with them, imagine with them undivided by my to-do list.

i will make memories with my family.

i will laugh more and be silly.

i will have more coffee dates and play dates unconcerned about the appearance of my home.

i will take more walks with my family.

i will make hot chocolate and play pretty pretty princess.

i will anticipate the coming of christ with great expectation this advent season.

i will take great joy in hiding nat our elf on the shelf each day for the children to find.

i will admire the beauty of christmas every day.

i will roll with the punches that may come.

i will stress less.

i will steal more kisses from jacob and hugs from my darlings.

i will write notes and cards to those i love and care for as time allows.

i will not worry that i do not have a christmas card to send out this year.

i will not worry that my gift is or isn't enough.

i will not worry about what i do not have time for.

but i will praise the slowness of december.


how about you friend? how will you spend december?

:he's mine in the morning:

eyes that captivate, just like his daddy and blonde hair we both had as tinies. he's full-blast from sun up to sun down. i watch him now as he lays on his belly eating dry cheerios (waiting on his real breakfast) watching seasame street. elmo is every kids best friend. cars lined up under his feet.

crunch crunch crunch.

i take it all in. the view from over my laptop as my fingers taps the keys.
the written word freezes time. saves this moment to the deepest part of my mind.

thankful.

this boy, this blessing that loves his daddy with all his might. daddy's boy to the core. he snuggles with daddy unprompted. he kisses daddy and says things like "you're so sweet." he always greets his daddy first and when i get him up in the morning daddy is the first thing he asks for.

he has something i never had and for that i am overwhelmed with gratitude.

the morning tells a different story.
it's just us.
me and the little guy.
we talk, he is definitely my boy because he loves to talk.
he's silly and i'm silly.
he snuggles and i snuggle him right back.
he is mine in the morning.





*linking up with heather for just write

::thoughts on motherhood: boy mama edition::

:

he wakes up early now.
time change is no good for little ones.
he asks for breakfast as soon as he wakes, then daddy.
juice with the lid off he says, so big.
he eats in his dinosaur pajamas, mickey by his side.
he talks and talks but i only understand half of it.
though i cannot understand every word, i love the talks we share, the time we spend together.

he will be small for just a minute.
he will only say hold me a few more times.
he will only say mommy for a little while before i become mom to a man.

present.
i want to be present for every last little boy moment.
involved.
making memories with every stride.

when he's a super hero i want to be his side-kick.
when he rides horsey's through the house, i want to ride along.
when he rides his bike i want to be his spotter.
when he learns something new, i want to be his cheerleader.
when he laughs, i laugh.
our hearts blending to one.

this is me....mama to a boy.


*linking up with heather for just write

::what do crayons and good behavior have in common?::

for a small window in time my four year old decided to go through her "terrible two's" stage.  in the midst of this season we realized two things. one she needed more one on one time with both mommy and daddy. two we needed to implement a rewards system in hopes of redirecting her focus.

so hmmm....what do we have in the house to use for her rewards jar?
ah yes... a mason jar and crayons. we have TONS of crayons!

and so the reward system began. she gets crayons for things like first time obedience, manners, kindness, making her bed, cleaning up her toys, etc.

when she reaches 10 crayons she gets to pick a treat from the "treat bowl."

the treat bowl has candy, suckers, and fun little treats. we do not do sweets on the regular around here so this is a BIG DEAL to my little one. you should see her savor her treats.  it's precious.

so for us....positive reinforcement has been just that...positive.

what are some ways you encourage good behavior in your children?
do you have a rewards system in place?