:thoughts on motherhood // the one on one project:

he woke up a few minutes before seven like he always does. the girls we had to drag out of bed sleepy-eyed for breakfast. after yogurt and cheerios were consumed i helped tiny feet through the holes of pants, combed hair and gave a tight squeeze to each one. all three were loaded into our car and the girls dropped off at grandma's. 

we could have left them all there for the day. they love grandma and she loves them and every parent needs a little time to themselves. yet we didn't. we invited the boy to spend the day with us. we want to know our children more so we are taking strides to spend time with them one-on-one. the little guy was excited for a day with mom and dad. he was not, however, excited about the long-time road, a.k.a. the interstate, we would be taking to our destination. 

rain fell heavy the entire day.

we wanted to eat at our favorite restaurant but ran out of time and there is always a wait. jacob dropped us at the door of another restaurant because he is always teaching that boy what it looks like to care for a family. he doesn't say it. he just lives it on the daily. working hard. loving well. giving of self. laughing & playing & bringing joy to those around him.

while we waited on daddy to park the car we snuggled and watched the rain. he's nearly five and i know these things are fleeting. so i held him tight and breathed a prayer of thanks for a moment such as this. a moment of him and only him. a moment of peace. a moment frozen in time, burned in my memory. 

this is us on the journey of parenthood. it's messy and ugly and also holy and gloriously beautiful if we have eyes to see it.

how do you manage one-on-one time with your little ones?

:thoughts on faith // the lenten season:

growing up Lent was not a word that circulated around our church. it was not a practice i was familiar with until well into my twenties when i began to learn how Chrisitans outside of the denomination in which i was raised, lived out their faith. i soon fell in love with liturgy and all the practices that go along with the liturgical year. 

lent is a season of preparation for the resurrection of Christ, a.k.a. Easter. a season that calls for reflection and repentance, self-denial and change. 

the first year i celebrated lent, i gave up coffee. i am sorry to say that this did not draw me closer to God. in fact, there were times where i questioned his existence all together. i'm kidding. Sort of. 

as i've grown in my understanding of the seasons of advent and lent i have learned that these are times of refocusing. times of renewal and beauty. i have a great appreciation for the season and i am trying to teach my children the same. 

we sat down yesterday and i began explaining the season as simply as i could. they surprised me by how intently they listened and the questions that followed. here are a few things that came from our discussion:

we are giving up complaining for Lent. our verse for the next forty days that will be in plain view daily is philippians 2:14. you can get the free printable here. as i was reading different versions i came across the message and was instantly drawn to its phrasing. instead of do everything without complaining, it reads do everything readily and cheerfully, no bickering. i spend a good amount of my time refereeing around my home. so the no bickering clicked right away. i also love the positive spin of how to practice instead of how not to practice. when we say the verse aloud we speak the part "readily and cheerfully" with our hands cupped around our mouths in our best "lets get ready to rummmmmmbbbllleeeeeee" voice. this makes it light and fun and has since turned many heated moments into moments of silliness. 

we are giving 40 gifts for 40 days. i want my children to love others. we talk about blessings constantly.  god uses us to bless one another through our time and talents and generosity. so we sat down and began a list of forty people and forty gifts we can give. they aren't fancy gifts, just small reminders to think of others. we always delight in doing for others which is such a great way to emphasize the joy found in giving. some of our gifts ideas are m&m's, cookies, homemade rag dolls, hugs, cards, artwork and more. they have included friends and strangers to bless and i am really excited to get started! 

i have a passage of scripture that i will be reading and memorizing throughout the season as well as a few
books i'll be reading: 

God Is On The Cross, Reflections on Lent and Easter by Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Eastertide, Prayers for Lent Through Easter from The Divine Hours by Phillis Tickle 

City of God, Faith in the Streets by Sara Miles

i'd love to hear your thoughts on Lent!

:thoughts on motherhood // FREE PRINTABLE:

this is a constant theme around our home. seeking to live out love through patience and kindness. this setting aside of ourselves in order to focus on and bless others. it starts at home, mother teresa said, it is not how much we do but how much love we put into that action. 

i told jacob, i want to learn first corinthians 13 with the children, picking a few verses each week until we have it memorized. that was a month ago and we are still on verse four. i read it daily to myself and at least once a week with the children. we talk about ways we can practice being patient. we think of ways we can show kindness to one another. each week we come back to it and realize we haven't quite mastered it. i don't know that we ever will and i believe there is grace for that. so for now we are camping out here. i am happy to stay a while soaking up love and grace along the way. 

i hope you'll join me on the journey. in an effort to encourage you, you can DOWNLOAD THIS FREE PRINT, here.

:thoughts on motherhood // the year of fun:

we let her sleep in our bed the night before her big day. as we tucked her in i reminisced about that same night seven years before. jacob looked at me from the other side of her and smiled that knowing smile. the one that lets me know we are on the same page and makes me weak in the knees all at the same time. i told her how we were going to bed and when i laid down my body told me she would be here soon. she didn't ask for details, she doesn't need them yet. her little heart simply needs only the details of how big our love is for her. jacob told her how it snowed the day she was born. that part of the story, her story, is magical in her eyes because she loves snow and we don't get it often. what a birthday present for such a tiny one!

after snuggles and giggles we tucked her in and gave her kisses knowing when she awoke the next morning the realization of a full year come and gone would fall heavy on this mama heart. 

the birthday girl told me her desired theme for the party and we went to work late in the night to make it happen. birthdays are a very big deal around here. we celebrate the person like crazy, but we keep things simple. birthdays are always celebrated here at our little home. we invite our family and close friends to join in the fun. this means 30-35 people cram into our place and not a complaint is made. conversation and laughter ring from wall to wall. children run in and out. doors are left open. dirt is tracked everywhere and i couldn't be happier, for my little one is truly celebrated. 

we had some special time together this weekend. i talked her into a photo session for her seventh birthday. seven must be documented, i told her. after a couple of outfit choices she landed on the new blue dress gifted by her mimi. add a scarf, a sweater and a top knot and we were off. we went down town and walked around. she looked in shop windows and admired cars that went down the road. she giggled with her new dolly, francine and insisted she accompany her in the photos. i didn't mind. i stayed up late sewing francine as a surprise on her special day. eisley has a deep love for the eiffel tower and all things paris. so francine was made of this fabric and the birthday girl was elated. 

after a ton of photos we made a stop by goodwill. there she picked out a bell for herself and a car for her brother and we finally found a beautiful sheet for the back part of the quilt we are making, we headed home. on the way we talked about year seven. i suggested we give it a name. i offered several suggestions and she turned those gorgeous green eyes to the sky as she thought hard. the year of fun, she said. yes, the year of fun is perfect! i went on to explain that we could make even the things we didn't love so much fun because we are together and that alone brings joy. we topped that off with a little tickle session because, FUN! 

 S E V E N ---> THE YEAR OF FUN

:thoughts on motherhood // living out the love:

we attended a wedding this weekend. the bride was stunning. her gown was beautiful and her hair divine. she glowed the glow of a woman in love. i watched as the love birds stood hand in hand reciting vowels. it was glorious, this joining of two hearts. when the minister read from first corinthians thirteen there was a stirring in my heart. so much goodness to be found in those words. so much to be practiced and lived out as a wife and mom. 

for the next month we will be learning, practicing and living out the words spoken about love. we started this week with love is patient. love is kind. we talked about ways that we can live out this calling of patience and kindness in our daily life. 

as a way to encourage my little one in letter writing and to spread love to others are sending out a few YOU ARE LOVED packages. it is simple, composed of things we have on hand. 

a bookmark, which you can download for free here.

a set of the YOU ARE LOVED scripture memory cards which can be purchased here

suckers & smarties

handwritten note by my big girl

eisley loved writing the notes and adding her own artistic touch to the envelop. she chose each piece of candy with care and found joy in the blessing of giving. this will be something we practice regularly as we press on to live out the calling of bringing heaven to earth by loving others and loving them well. 

"not all of us can do great things but we can do small things with great love"

-mother teresa

:thoughts on motherhood // on independence & the sting of it:

i had big plans for our day. i'm on a mission to show her a fun mom. i dreamed it for days. my sister-in-law was coming to curl her hair as a special treat. i promised her blush, mascara and lip gloss. this is something she has enjoyed only once in her short six years and it was for her ballet recital. 

the day arrived and we started our pampering session. the joy lasted for only moments then things quickly went downhill. she did not squeal with delight as i applied the mascara. in fact she cried, i'm still not sure why. she did not hug me repeatedly, overflowing with joy. she did not say anything along the lines of oh mommy this is the best day ever, as i pictured. 

once we arrived at the event center, she immediately released me from my anticipated role of wingmom. she ran off in her fluffy white gown to be with the other fancy girls. she didn't look back, much. when asked what her favorite part of the wedding was, she replied, i really like wandering around everywhere, and she did. more than once we looked up to see her  entertaining an entire table full of adults. she pranced around the room with not a care in the world, full of joy in the being. 

she made a new friend, the ring bearer, the only other child present. she shared her animal crackers and conversed with his mother as if they were long lost friends. i waited for a moment when she might need me. i looked for fear that would seek out comfort and found none. sure she would bounce back to our table from time to time for a drink or a bite to eat but it wasn't long until the calling to seek out and be among others overtook her. 

i found myself both happy and sad. i squeezed jacob's arm and he gave me a knowing look. i am happy that my darling is independent and social. she has a deep love for people and a desire to know them. she is a great conversationalist and can hold her own even with those much older. she is polite and kind, silly and playful. 

sadness came in the independence. it wanted to linger but i refused it. this is our goal isn't it? raising her to be a loving and kind human being. a person concerned for others above herself. one that brings joy to all she encounters. one that will make marks for good in the upside-down-kingdom. i cannot hold her hand on this journey but i can love her, support her and encourage her from where i stand. i can be there when she returns to feed her body and soul as needed. yes this my calling. this is motherhood. 

:thoughts on motherhood // the fun mom project:

i've always been the more serious type. when friends were loud and crazy i was quiet and observant. a wall flower, you might say. however, people that laugh loud and like to be seen, have always fascinated me. i'm drawn to those people. the ones with the boldness to be fun. maybe that's why i married a fun one. he's playful and friendly. he has a signature high-five that both stings a little and welcomes you in, lets you know you're included. it says, with a slap, hey, you're cool, lets be friends. only fun people can pull off the high five. 

she sees this about daddy and loves it. the oldest, she's more like him in this way. she never meets a stranger and giggles deep from the belly with everyone she meets. the little two, they are always asking to go. go somewhere, anywhere. just go. 

me? i'm the lover of home and quiet. i crave a full table of food and friends and have a deep love for people but there comes a time when i need home. routine is my favorite. as a mom who stays at home and has chosen home education, there must be routine to keep us in check. 

so daily my children hear some of these things 

brush your teeth and get dressed

it's time for studies

clear your area

put away your toys

gather your books it's time for rest time

please do not say _________

is that being loving?

time for books and snuggles before bed

i am the routine keeper. the trainer of hearts and minds. 

daddy is home in the evenings and weekends. when he comes in the hallelujah chorus sings for all of us. he is truly the highlight of our day. he comes in and wrestles and tickles and laughs with our little ones. on the weekends they can stay in their jammies as long as they want to. he takes them on bike rides and hikes. daddy dates are their absolute favorite. 

so when eisley looked at me one day and said, mommy you're serious and daddy is crazy, i felt a twinge of disappointment but also the sting of truth. i baked cookies that day in an effort to push back against her perspective. daily i've been thoughtfully looking for ways for my children to see the fun side of me. 

during dress up time recently i had two princesses and a spiderman on my hands. the oldest princess said, mommy i wish you could dress up. though there were many things on my to-do list and routines to be kept, i did. i pulled out my wedding gown, and pranced around in my unmade-up face and unwashed hair and found that my little girl who sees me as serious, saw me as fun. even more so when she got to try on my dress. 

so in an effort to show my children moms are fun too, 

i will be documenting these moments via instagram. you can 

follow me // @melissabeaver and join in with the hashtag // #thefunmomproject. 

:thoughts on motherhood // the little one:

this one is nearly two and i stand still, shocked by the fleeting of time. as her second birthday draws near, i see the beauty of her untamed curls, her all out excitement for living this life and the passionate love she has for all who cross her path, i go back to that dark place. i see her being wheeled away by strangers and feel the feelings of the unknown. gratitude fills my soul, to the brim. 

he said it as we sped down the interstate, not far behind the ambulance that carried our day old baby, "she's going to be fine. there is nothing wrong with her."

i sat nervously careful of my thoughts knowing my emotions were hanging by a thread. speaking to just the right person could open the floor gates of despair that i could not again, close. i didn't answer the phone when friends called. jacob handled nearly all communication. he kept everyone informed and somehow managed to keep me grounded at the same time. 

our small stint in the NICU was but a wrinkle in time. i can say that now because it is behind us, a speck in our story. yet while living it, the hallways seemed miles long, the nights eternal and that week of "maybe tomorrow" never ending. the lessons learned will remain for all of our days. 

yet here she is, in all her glory, almost two. this tender one of mine, reminding me what compassion looks like as her heart breaks with the broken hearted. as i see her draw near to her brother and sister when comfort is needed. love, freely given, without request or conditions. 

thank you little one for helping me see this earth crammed with heaven. 

:thoughts on motherhood // on adventure:

she flew in the backdoor, short of breath, cheeks read and grabbed my hand. do you want to come see it mama? we decorated the clubhouse! i followed her outside and for a moment my memories took me back to that little spot out in the woods behind my mama's house. the one with the swept dirt floors and wooden sign that said something like keep out or girls clubhouse, i can't remember now. 

i followed her to the entrance and walked in across the newly laid, stepping stones with the words written by her friend:

the playhouse 

ond by the bevers 

i walked inside to see old christmas garland strung from one tree to the next. a living area that consisted of a little tikes chair from her table set, a camping chair and a flower pot turned upside-down for a coffee table. the lounge area, she presented. 

i paused to look all around, trying to take in all the beauty that her six year old eyes were seeing. after a minute my eyes met hers. the corners turned up and she gave me that quirky grin that says, well, whaddya think mom? i said it's just perfect coop- just perfect! 

//

the cold days have kept us from playing outside as much as we like. so when it warmed up after the single digit temperatures we set our sights on adventure. 

our adventure included a bucket or basket for each darling to collect their findings and driving a good 4 miles to a local homestead for exploration. the children ran and giggled from spot to spot, hair flying in the wind, collecting and imagining and delighting in the newness of it all. they filled their baskets full of goodies to take home all the while basking in the beauty of make-believe, pretending the shelters were their places of residence

i was reminded how easily they are made happy. i was renewed in my quest for a simple life. i was refreshed by the crisp cool air and the warm sunshine on my face.

"we have such a brief opportunity to pass on to our children our love for this earth, 

and to tell our stories. these are the moments when the world is made whole. in my 

children's memories, the adventures we've had together in nature will always exist."

-richard louv, last child in the woods

:thoughts on motherhood // training days:

the wind blows chill right to my summer-loving-bones. i've never liked the cold. give me warmth and sunshine and bare feet any day, every day. the winter days are hard and long with little ones that desperately need to be outside washing away their energy with running and jumping and tree climbing high enough to make my mama heart panic. 

so, in an effort to fight the winter-melt-downs ensued by too many hours cooped up inside, i am slowly giving my little ones more responsibilities around the house. their ages are seven-next month, four and a half and two-next month. 

after breakfast is finished they clear their area, something we've been working on for weeks now. teaching them to take ownership of their space and their things. they put their plates in the sink and their water cups in the refrigerator. i ask eisley, the oldest, to empty the dishwasher, which she currently LOVES to do. i start making the bed and durgin comes in upset that he doesn't have a job. now,  had i issued a job earlier without his request i truly feel he would have resisted. however, seeing his older sister with a job instantly made him want one. so he brought the laundry from the dryer to the living room and folded what he could and put away a few things as well. 

lunch was prepared while the darlings played. then we enjoyed a bit of geography along with our goodies. .

once they were finished they, again, cleared their area and asked to clean the floors. every part of my perfectionist self wanted to say no i'll do that later, but i resisted. they each had a broom or mop of some sort. very little cleaning was actually accomplished but with some upbeat music they enjoyed a little dance party while getting the hang of pushing the broom around. they expended some energy and my floors do look surprisingly cleaner. 

how do you teach your little ones to help out around the house?

:thoughts on motherhood // on being an amateur:

someone recently asked me, "when did you get so crafty?" and "when did you start drawing?" 

the love of art and all things creative has always been within my soul. burned deep in my memory are the moments spent with a blank canvas before me as mrs. freeze, my art teacher in the eighth grade, taught me how to make little trees with a fan brush. my mom had a custom frame built for that piece of art and the love of it all has lingered through the years. 

having children has fanned the flame of creativity. my big girl is artistic by nature and i am certain that art time is her love language. she is happiest when she is creating. so i'm learning and i'm teaching her and she's teaching me as we go along. 

this week we started a new project, quilt making.

i found this tutorial for a patchwork quilt that looked simple enough for our first attempt. 

we picked out the fabric from my stash with no particular rhyme or reason for each piece. i cut out 48 pieces and let her arrange them how she saw fit. she then ironed every piece, which was her first time using an iron- yay for life skills! then we sewed one row together. she got a little crooked on two pieces so we had to pull those out and do them again. her excitement about this project is contagious. the delight she has taken in one little row sewn makes my mama heart overflow with joy. i can't wait to see how it turns out! 

"every artist was first an amateur"

-ralph waldo emerson


*linking up with carissa for miscellany monday

:thoughts on motherhood // watch for the light:

"the light shines in darkness and the darkness has not overcome it" john 1:5

as the advent season approaches things will begin to look differently around here. there will be a slowing of our days. there will be more calm as we await the coming of christ. there will be a tossing out of our sunday's best and we will put on our work clothes in order to do the hard work for the kingdom. the hard work of shining light into our hearts to see what must be changed. only when the light has been invited into our hearts can we do the work of bringing light to others.

so you might find us cuddled under blankets reading books upon books upon books. we will continue looking through the world vision catalogue trying to decide how we can bless those found inside. you will surely find us donning our aprons, flour dusting the floors, as we create goodies to fill the belly and bless the heart of neighbors, known and unknown. we will collect cans and coins and coats and take them where they are needed. we will seek out people that need encouragement and do what we can, with what we have been given. 

we will open our home to friends and family and we will not worry about dirty countertops or dishes in the sink. we will relish in the gift of friendship and the blessing of community. my little ones will learn, first hand, the art of hospitality. 

yes, for us, this will be the season of slowing. what will your season look like?

"we have to learn to live in what is coming from god every day and to carry a light 

from this awareness into the darkness" - alfred delp

*linking up with carissa 

:thoughts on motherhood // on the jumping in:

i dreamed of this little ones. i dreamed of growing you one after the other inside me. presenting you as offerings to one another, treasures to be loved always. i dreamed of you playing for hours endlessly in your own little world, fully delighting in the gift of a built-in playmate. 

you spend your days doing studies together. durgin often whispers, she's teaching me, mom. and you are sweet eisley. you are the leader of this crazy crew, born to it. some days you love this privilege. some days you don't. you want to steal away to your space and time. you call it quiet time. i hear you playing and talking and living out the goodness of make believe. we give you what you need. all leaders need time to be refreshed. jesus slipped away from the crowd on many occasions to be filled so that he could come back and care for those around him. 

durgin, my sweet rough and tumble boy. you are full speed, always. you wake up running. requesting to get dressed WITH SHOES before i have finished my first cup of coffee. full of spirit and passion. persuasive, lord you are so persuasive. blonde hair long and blue eyes bold like i've never seen before. you ask and i can hardly resist your request. you are sweet and tender and you love your sisters with a crazy love. 

rohen mae our tender one, comforter to all who cry. when you find sadness your heart breaks and you lay your head on the shoulder of the broken one until they are no longer broken. you laugh all day long showing all five teeth at once. if you hear a beat you're moving, in this you are fully mine. 

i dream of lifelong friendship for you. i remind you daily you are best friends. i dream of phone calls and advice given when you want it from someone other that mom or dad. i dream of shoulders to cry on. i dream of double dates. i dream of your families blending like one. i dream of your children being best friends. i dream of thanksgiving and christmas with a full table and laughter, oh the laughter. let us always laugh together. 

i am reading cold tangerines by shauna niequist. she shares a story from when she was a camp counselor, at the end of the term they have a huge swim meet where the children swim for their parents. her job was to cheer for the swimmers in her lane. she saw that her swimmer was weary and about to cry and give up. so she jumped in, fully clothed and swam right beside her. if the swimmer touched the counselor she would be disqualified.so they just swam together to the end with shauna cheering her on, you're tough, you can make it, she would say. they reached the finish line together. 

this is my prayer for you all- JUMP IN, get wet, be there for one another, cheer, encourage, carry each others burdens, be best friends, be the living expression of god's love. 

i love you all forever-always-amen. 

*just writing with heather



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