:the one where i confess the ugly:

last night i went to hear kathy escobar share her story. her smile radiates love and she bubbles over enthusiasm at the downward path, the road less traveled. the ugly-messy-beautiful road. the one of addiction to greatness and addiction to substance. both are crippling. both in need of acceptance and community.

kathy expressed the anger she experienced towards the church and her journey of rocking the boat.

as her words rolled out in her true california accent i felt a stirring in my soul. the truth is i'm angry at the church. not the body of christ but that church. the one that sent out the letter that shattered my heart into a million pieces. the one that told my friend he could not go before the church to publically apologize for mistakes made because that wouldn't look good. the one that told that fifteen year old boy he couldn't come back to youth group. the one that punished that girl for getting pregnant again.

 

 

 

When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?” On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” matthew 9:11-13

 

the church is no longer welcoming for the sick and broken hearted. it has become a haven for the better and the best. there is no room for failure. you must look your best, serve your best and be your best at all times.

 

what happens when addiction creeps in?

what happens when marriages are in trouble?

what happens when someone gets pregnant?

 

more times than not, it is swept under the rug or pushed out the door.

 

 

i'm guilty of hiding the pain, the past and avoiding those that expose it. it's hard to hear hurt, even harder to embrace it. yet that is consistently what jesus did.

While jesus was in one of the towns, a man came along who was covered with leprosy. When he saw jesus he fell and begged him, Lord if you are willing, you can make me clean. Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. "I am willing," he said, "Be clean!" luke 5:12-13

i read those words to eisley this week. i explained the cultures response to leprosy at that time. i explained that the man probably had not been able to go to church because he was considered unclean. her blue eyes welled with tears and she spoke the most profound words,

"mommy, if you had leprosy and couldn't go to church, i wouldn't go either."

jesus went down to the sick and hurting.
let it be so in my life.



 

 

 

 

::thoughts on faith [it's the heart]::

:photo:

we snuggled close as i read about the scrawny one. the one whose dad didn't even think to introduce him because he just wasn't much to offer at the time. we talked about how he was the one god wanted to use. we talked about how his heart was much like gods. we talked about how god looks on the inside, not the outside.

[it's the heart that god cares about]

i have to remind myself of this frequently as i have spent most of my adult life working for the approval of those around me.

youth leader....check.
sunday school teacher....check.
attend church three times per week...check.
participate in the easter play....check.
ready my bible every day...check.
pray every day...check.

this was my life several years ago.

currently, i am not a youth leader, not a sunday school teacher and i do not attend church three times per week.

i read my bible not to check it off my to-do list but because i want to know him more.
i pray not to check it off my to-do list but because i am trying to figure out the point of it all.
i love people not because others are watching but because i truly desire to love like jesus.

i talk with him in the still small moments of the night when eisley has had a bad dream, rohen is kicking field goals and i can't get back to sleep. i talk with him during my 40 minute commute to and from work every day. i talk with him constantly, knowing him more with each word.

i think about the life jesus lived and how madeleine l'engle thinks we should be able to live out our lives just as jesus lived out his.

like standing for women and speaking out about their value.
like standing up for the outcast and touching the untouchable.
like standing for children and letting their voices be heard.
like taking time to relax and fellowship at weddings and parties.
like taking time to know and be part of community.
like living with less so others can have more.
like turning the other cheek
like putting others before myself.

there is no criteria for knowing god.

he is not waiting for the strong or the pretty or the pure.
he is waiting for you.
he wants to know you.

people look at the outward appearance, but it's the heart that god cares about.


*linking up with heather for just write

::the {hot} topic::

:photo:

"some chrisitans are more offended by the idea of everyone going to heaven than by the idea of everyone going to hell."

-rachel held evans

i've heard more than once the statement "if there is no hell then why follow jesus?"

to which i come to a stand still. mouth on floor. dismayed.
i am no theologian. i do not have all the answers. but i will say this as i heard it said by a man i truly respect in that old baptist church...

"if i found out today that there was no heaven and that there was no hell...i would still follow jesus because i believe it is the absolute best way to live."

amen.
that resonated with me as a young twenty-something sunday school teacher. i didn't know then that i would begin a journey of discovery and these words would prove true and wise.

jesus loved others everyone.
he loved the prostitute. the theif also know as the tax collector.
he loved the full of knowledge and the uneducated.
he loved the rich and the poor.
he loved the ungrateful and the thankful.
he loved the one that didn't have time for him because she was getting things done (thank god for this one). and the one who sat at his feet ready to be filled.

jesus stood up for injustices.
like when they brought the adulteress woman to him. the law was to stone. jesus saw more. he saw the culture that created this lifestyle. he saw the limitations on women. he recognized the crappy hand she had been delt. he gave her value. in my minds eye jesus said "hey you are loved. you are beautiful. and you can be more than this. follow me." he went against the grain. did the unexpected. he did it backwards.

jesus met needs.
he healed the sick.
he provided drink to the thirsty. food to the hungry.
he encouraged.
he made others feel valued.
he was patient.
he forgave. and forgave some more.

so i will follow jesus. not because i fear hell or long for heaven. but because he lived an amazing life that, if mimicked, will lead to life abundant.

[a-bun-dant] :: present in great quantity; more than adequate; oversufficient.

your thoughts?