::that thing we search for smooth skin to wrinkles::

***

she came running in smiling ear to ear.
"he called me my eisley!"

i giggled and said "yes you are his eisley. he loves you so much."
she smiled a knowing smile and ran back to her room to play.

ownership.
we all desire it
we want to be claimed.
we want someone to want us. to call us "my," "mine," "beloved."
we search for it smooth skin to wrinkles.
this quest, that consumes yet hides in the darkness, paves the way to contentment or demise.

he looked me in the eyes when he said the words that were untrue.
"i love you."
he didn't.
i didn't love him either. i loved the idea of being in love with him.

demise.

seven years later those words resurface. but this time, this one, means it.
he loved me for a while from a distance and has promised to love me forever.
i love.
i am loved.
i am his.

can she skip the untrue?
can she skip the heartache and go straight to the bliss of true love and the promise of forever?

i know the answer. 
so i will show her love at all cost along the way. i will call her "my," "mine," and "beloved," in hopes that she will recognize the lie and wait for the truth.


*linking up with heather for just write

::thoughts on motherhood: boy mama edition::

:

he wakes up early now.
time change is no good for little ones.
he asks for breakfast as soon as he wakes, then daddy.
juice with the lid off he says, so big.
he eats in his dinosaur pajamas, mickey by his side.
he talks and talks but i only understand half of it.
though i cannot understand every word, i love the talks we share, the time we spend together.

he will be small for just a minute.
he will only say hold me a few more times.
he will only say mommy for a little while before i become mom to a man.

present.
i want to be present for every last little boy moment.
involved.
making memories with every stride.

when he's a super hero i want to be his side-kick.
when he rides horsey's through the house, i want to ride along.
when he rides his bike i want to be his spotter.
when he learns something new, i want to be his cheerleader.
when he laughs, i laugh.
our hearts blending to one.

this is me....mama to a boy.


*linking up with heather for just write

::thoughts on friendship::

the sound of rushing water soothed as we approached the cabin in the pitch black of night, only our headlights to guide the way.
finally inside, fireplace blazing, pj's on, games commence and laughter emerges.

laughter is healing and breaks down walls.
bonds are built through laughter.
comradery established.
laughter joins hearts and minds, overshadowing insecurities that lurk in the darkness.

friendships treasured.
knowing each other more deeply through shared hugs and conversation.
receiving them whole, in love, no judgement or criticism.
a safe place to be a mom, a wife, a woman.
solidarity.

*linking up with heather for just write

::thoughts on firsts::

:photo:

i love firsts.
beginnings.
fresh starts.
a new year. a new month. a new day.
feels like a clean slate.
the busyness of last month is gone.
new goals have been set.
refocus.
the month of thankfulness.
my One Word celebrated by all.
thankful.
thankful for the blank pages i have been given to fill. i can write beauty and love and grace. i can write justice and forgiveness and simplicity.
these are my pages to fill.
my days to live.
my legacy to leave.

will it point them to Him?


*linking up with heather for just write

::thoughts on bullying::

:photo:

More and more I am findng that my little one, four years old now, responds best to gentleness and rationale. If I get down on her level and speak gently to her and explain why she should or should not do something, I often get a much more submissive response than if I am harsh and demanding.

I don't want to bully my children into obedience.

I realized this several years ago and it is a work in progress. I am bigger than my children. I am smarter and stronger. I have the most power. I can force them into obedience through negative consequences. Or I can encourage them to be motivated by their heart and the desire to be loving and kind and all the good things that come from this behavior.

I find on the day to day that if I am kind and go out of my way for them to make their days special, that they do the same for me.

Love and kindness are our motivation.

I'm hoping for the ripple effect in this mindset.
If I teach my children through love and kindness then they will in turn show love and kindness to those around them. If they want a toy someone else is playing with, they will ask nicely and wait their turn instead of just taking what they want.

If I teach my children God is loving and kind, they will be drawn to Him by His love, not for fear of what might happen if they don't follow him.

If I teach my children to work hard and they will be rewarded for their hard work. Then maybe one day if they are decision makers in a company they will do the same for their employees. They will use positive reinforcement instead of negative.

This is my hope and my prayer.

"love is patient, love is kind...."

1 corinthians 13:4

*linking up with heather for just write