June 25, 2012

::the one where it is worth the risk::

We stopped at the same place last year. She was four and he was just two then. A rowdy bunch they were. Now five and a half and three next month they are learning to be respectful of those around them, especially in public places. I fed baby girl while they enjoyed milk and bagels I brought from home. Restlessness ensued so Jacob, being the awesome dad that he is, led a game of Simon Says. Eisley gets this game and listens hard so not to move when Simon isn't saying. Durgin doesn't get it all at but thinks it's fun to follow daddy's commands and mimic Eisley's every move.

No clue of the weight she carries, so heavy. The oldest. Our first born. Leader of the pack. The one who will pave the way. The guinea pig of our parenting efforts.

She is little but she is strong. Already making her mind up about so many things. Like her plans to be an artist and a mommy. Her plans to give her toys to those who have less than her. Her plans to make hoot owls for the children that have to leave their homes spending their days at the shelter not knowing when they will be able to safely return. Her desire to give her food to the hungry. More so on days when the meal prepared is not her favorite.

She loves a big love and holds back nothing. This love challenges my mama heart.

How does she love so effortlessly?

Walking through a fleeting life guarded and cautious unwilling to let in potential hurt or potential healing. It's all too risky for me. Yet as she demonstrates the beauty of risk the walls around my heart crumble. Brick by brick they come down as it pours in, beauty worthy of walls relinquished.

Let me love this life, those people with the big love my daughter so freely gives.

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