August 31, 2011

::don't be an ass::

you've heard the cliche phrase :

"you know what happens when you assume...wink-wink, makes an ass out of you and me."

it's trite but totally true.
we all make them.
but we shouldn't.

assumptions hurt.
assumptions fuel insecurities.
assumptions lead to judgement.
assumptions lead to wrong conclusions.
assumptions are unneccessary.

so how do we avoid this path of destruction paved by assumptions?

ask questions:

instead of overanalyzing what you think you heard or read (the written word can be seriously harmful) just clarify. what did you mean by that statment?

consider the heart:

does the person you are interacting with care for you? are their intentions to come across harsh or unkind? is this just part of their personality? if the answer is yes to any of those questions then simply excuse their comments. give grace.

remember it's all in perspective:

we all have different perspectives on life and circumstances based on our personal experiences. so it's best in a stressful situation that could be misinterpreted to consider that you each may have different perspectives.

i love the book rainbow fish. at one point eisley knew the entire book word for word. i think it is a beautiful example of sharing what we have with others. however, one day i engaged in a conversation with someone who did not care for the book because she felt it was a terrible lesson that taught kids they have to buy friendships. interesting perspective that i had never considered.

we are unique beings. so our takes on things will frequently be different than the people around us.

look at the big picture:

in the broad scheme of things, does this matter? does this have a place in the legacy i am creating?


whenever possible excuse and overlook. just let it roll off your shoulders and move on.  as ann voskamp said in her book 1000 gifts: "expectations kill relationships."


  1. Good grief, I really, really, really, reeeeally needed to read this one. Thank you so much for your sweet encouragement, Melissa. It always blesses my heart xoxo

  2. I'm not sure that I can entirely buy into "expectations kill relationships". My husband & I have expectations for each other...everyone does. I expect him to love & honor me, to take care of our family, to be faithful to me, to respect me. He expects the same of me. If we didn't, I think it would actually show that we cared less about our relationship. I think friendships are much the same. If I love someone as a friend & invest in the friendship, I expect them to do the same. I'm just not sure that there's anything wrong with that. One can, of course, place expectations that are too high, but in general, I don't think having expectations for a person & your relationship with them is all bad. Just my two cents.


words are like honey, sweet to my soul, so feel free to share yours.