:the one where i follow him in the joy and wreckage of life:

he shared from the heart about the love of god. spoke of forgiveness. like many others he emphasized the importance of leaving the past in the past. he gave an illustration of trying to drive while looking in the rearview mirror and how that would present itself difficult. so we should keep our eyes forward in life, not looking to the past.

move forward.
don't look back.
god has forgiven it, you need to forget it.

i've heard it a lot lately. when i hear it i think about my past. the ugly messy past. there were some rough patches, poor decisions and nasty consequences. parts of it erect pain. other parts, shame. yet i cannot leave it in the past. i cannot only look forward and move on. this is my story. the past, present and future. my story woven into his plans. he uses it all. i am who i am because of the past. in spite of it even.

the past shaped me.
the past influences the decisions i make today.
the past is still teaching me lessons.
the past created a heart of compassion for young people.
the past developed an undying love to my husband.
the past has helped me choose my friends wisely.
the past is teaching me to love a jesus-down-in-the-trenches kind of love.

the past plays a major role in my future....and maybe yours too.

forgiven? yes.
forgotten? no.

"churches should be places where people come to hear the story of god and to tell their own. that's how we find out how the two relate. tell your story with all of its shadows and fog, so people can understand their own. they want a leader who's authentic, someone trying to figure out how to follow the lord jesus in the joy and wreckage of life."

-chasing francis; a pilgrim's tale (ian morgan cron)

:the one where i encourage her to wait:

i had it made, the veil i wore in my wedding. it consisted of tulle and the most beautiful headband adorned with silver and pearls. the moment i put it on i teared up. i was a ball of emotion and excitement. we gathered to pray and overwhelmed with nerves i busted out crying/laughing. waiting to walk down the aisle i started again, tears. the ugly hold-back-the-tears face emerged as i entered those double doors. he took my hand and nervousness turned to giggles and i shook for a good three minutes, thankful for the protection offered by the veil.

i said i do and i did, and i still do, every day.

he is more than i could have ever hoped or imagined. when doubt creeps in and i wonder about god's involvement in our lives, i remember that day and all the days that have followed. he is reflection of goodness and mercy and grace. love unconditional. kisses that make my knees buckle. his smile and eyes mesmerizing.

this is what love looks like little one.

can i encourage you to do one thing? wait for it.

right now you are happy to make plans to marry your brother. yet, one day, your heart will beat fast and your tummy will feel strange and you will be a bundle of emotions. you will have crushes. oh will you ever have crushes. and you might be crushed. it hurts like the dickens sweet girl but you will recover. i have laid on the floor in a puddle of my own tears more than once over what i thought was love. it wasn't. love is patient and kind and selfless. it comes in all shapes and sizes but when in doubt look to your daddy. he is the epitome of love.

you know how he is always happy to see you? always answers when you call? always plays that game one more time? reads one more book? this is him meeting your needs, thinking of you first.
this is what love looks like.

you know how he takes you out, just the two of you? buys your favorite treat? talks with you and wants to know you?
this is what love looks like.

you know how he runs to the rescue when you are hurt? doctors you? dries your tears and adds a band aid where needed?
this is what love looks like.

you know how he referees your battles with your brother? encourages kindness and love and a pure heart? wanting the best in and for you?
this is what love looks like.

wait for it my child. wait for this kind of love. i promise you'll be glad you did.