:thoughts on motherhood // the little one:

this one is nearly two and i stand still, shocked by the fleeting of time. as her second birthday draws near, i see the beauty of her untamed curls, her all out excitement for living this life and the passionate love she has for all who cross her path, i go back to that dark place. i see her being wheeled away by strangers and feel the feelings of the unknown. gratitude fills my soul, to the brim. 

he said it as we sped down the interstate, not far behind the ambulance that carried our day old baby, "she's going to be fine. there is nothing wrong with her."

i sat nervously careful of my thoughts knowing my emotions were hanging by a thread. speaking to just the right person could open the floor gates of despair that i could not again, close. i didn't answer the phone when friends called. jacob handled nearly all communication. he kept everyone informed and somehow managed to keep me grounded at the same time. 

our small stint in the NICU was but a wrinkle in time. i can say that now because it is behind us, a speck in our story. yet while living it, the hallways seemed miles long, the nights eternal and that week of "maybe tomorrow" never ending. the lessons learned will remain for all of our days. 

yet here she is, in all her glory, almost two. this tender one of mine, reminding me what compassion looks like as her heart breaks with the broken hearted. as i see her draw near to her brother and sister when comfort is needed. love, freely given, without request or conditions. 

thank you little one for helping me see this earth crammed with heaven.