:thoughts on motherhood // on the jumping in:

i dreamed of this little ones. i dreamed of growing you one after the other inside me. presenting you as offerings to one another, treasures to be loved always. i dreamed of you playing for hours endlessly in your own little world, fully delighting in the gift of a built-in playmate. 

you spend your days doing studies together. durgin often whispers, she's teaching me, mom. and you are sweet eisley. you are the leader of this crazy crew, born to it. some days you love this privilege. some days you don't. you want to steal away to your space and time. you call it quiet time. i hear you playing and talking and living out the goodness of make believe. we give you what you need. all leaders need time to be refreshed. jesus slipped away from the crowd on many occasions to be filled so that he could come back and care for those around him. 

durgin, my sweet rough and tumble boy. you are full speed, always. you wake up running. requesting to get dressed WITH SHOES before i have finished my first cup of coffee. full of spirit and passion. persuasive, lord you are so persuasive. blonde hair long and blue eyes bold like i've never seen before. you ask and i can hardly resist your request. you are sweet and tender and you love your sisters with a crazy love. 

rohen mae our tender one, comforter to all who cry. when you find sadness your heart breaks and you lay your head on the shoulder of the broken one until they are no longer broken. you laugh all day long showing all five teeth at once. if you hear a beat you're moving, in this you are fully mine. 

i dream of lifelong friendship for you. i remind you daily you are best friends. i dream of phone calls and advice given when you want it from someone other that mom or dad. i dream of shoulders to cry on. i dream of double dates. i dream of your families blending like one. i dream of your children being best friends. i dream of thanksgiving and christmas with a full table and laughter, oh the laughter. let us always laugh together. 

i am reading cold tangerines by shauna niequist. she shares a story from when she was a camp counselor, at the end of the term they have a huge swim meet where the children swim for their parents. her job was to cheer for the swimmers in her lane. she saw that her swimmer was weary and about to cry and give up. so she jumped in, fully clothed and swam right beside her. if the swimmer touched the counselor she would be disqualified.so they just swam together to the end with shauna cheering her on, you're tough, you can make it, she would say. they reached the finish line together. 

this is my prayer for you all- JUMP IN, get wet, be there for one another, cheer, encourage, carry each others burdens, be best friends, be the living expression of god's love. 

i love you all forever-always-amen. 

*just writing with heather



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