I ran into her. The one that felt our friendship unnecessary. It still hurts. It gets under my skin. I want to fight hurt with hurt.
Thankfully grace steps in and it is no longer me wallowing in pity but Him standing in love.
I offer her a chair and ask questions about her babies. I tell her he'a gorgeous, because he is. I ask about her friends and school and other small talk topics. I hug her goodbye though she is totally reluctant. I've always been a hugger and I've always hugged her. I walk away full of hurt, my heart broken once again in response to the "not good enough" found in gods people. When he whispers gently to shards of heart splattered on rib cage walls YOU ARE ENOUGH.
Morning comes, I remember the exchange and feel uneasy. Not long after, true friends, gods people and mine, show up. They come along side of me and that thing I long for burst in with fury and purpose screaming community.
[Community]: a group sharing common characteristics or interest
They help me paint my little girls room, because lord knows I will never get it done on my own. We share stories and sandwiches. We laugh and make jokes and know each other well. I do not know their doctrinal beliefs or their thoughts on the latest controversial religious topic. I know they love Jesus and at the end of the night I know they love me.
How do I know?
They wash dishes and put pajamas on my children. Clean spit up from my shoulder and diapers unpleasant of a baby not their own. They do not wait for me to ask for help. I'm sure by now they know I won't as I am hopelessly flawed in that regard.
The night ends and I hug them goodbye.
I am full.
My heart no longer in pieces, but whole.
He reminds me again, YOU ARE ENOUGH...and when you are not, I send help.