the tiny one was restless all night, up before the sun at 5am for feeding. we snuggle and i look deep into her navy blue eyes, bonding. welding my heart to hers for eternity. a full belly and snuggles are her deepest needs at this moment. i am mommy and these needs are met.
my big girl has been fearful lately. darn you bad dreams. i relate to this fear stirred by dreams. my mind wanders to the stretch of time that i ran the little guy no more than an inch of bath water due to a dream that i could have sworn was reality. the one that woke me, sobbing and haunted me for months.
bare feet tapped the hard woods as she ran to the kitchen where i was making coffee, strong, through sleep filled eyes, ecstatic that she had made it through the night in her own bed, unafraid. 5:30am on the microwave clock. i explained the time and how she usually sleeps for at least two more hours. her longing to be near me pulled on my mama heart strings. to the couch with a blanket she goes.
i long for solitude.
i stake my claim on the wee morning hours as "me time."
time to refresh my sleep deprived soul. time to meet with Him. time to be filled so i can overflow.
this time i long for, invaded by my two precious girls.
i encourage more sleep for both of them knowing the value of a good-nights-sleep. the kind i fear i may never have again. i think grace. these are the moments i am challenged to give grace so i share my frustrations with god.
don't they know i neeeeed this time to be a good mommy?
and He speaks gently to my heart-
these are the moments that make you a good mommy.
*just writing with heather today