November 2, 2011

::thoughts on marriage::

what feels like a lifetime ago i hosted a community girls bible study in my home. girls came from all around to eat, play games, hang out and learn about jesus. it was a special time in my life. it was a time to give them what i did not have at their age. a safe place to be themselves.

the first time i went to youth sunday school no one welcomed me except the teacher which was one of my classmates dad. can we say obligation? i was a shy, introverted, awkward kid and treated as such. except by a few select boys that were my friends from school which did not help my situation when it came to the girls in the class. oh and please don't think it was because i was pretty and competition for them. i wasn't...either of those things. i had braces and was in that transition phase of having the top of my mouth widened, ya know with the key you turn every night. so i had rather large and unattractive gap between my already crooked teeth. i apparently hadn't looked in the mirror in months because in my school picture, i can now look back on and laught at, i had a perm that started about midway down my head due to non maintenance. so needless to say i did not become the most popular girl in youth group. i actually hated youth group.

so with that girls bible study was a place that anyone and everyone could come and be welcomed. i loved those girls and they loved me. i respected them and shared their burdens and helped them sort through their drama. it felt like, and still does, just yesterday that i was in their shoes, going through the same struggles. i could relate.

several of those girls that attended have graduated high school, college and are now married and a few have children.

since i am a lifestage ahead of these girls i thought i would share a few things with the newlyweds that may encourage them in this season of their lives.

1. live simply.
you will be tempted to buy a new car, new furniture, new everything. you just will. it's called instant gratification and our society has been saturated with the idea that you must have whatever you want RIGHT NOW. it's a lie. you don't. i promise you will be happier if you will save save save. jacob and i lived in a tiny one bedroom apartment and bought second hand furniture when we were first married and it was wonderful. it was a lovely start to our lives together. also, read organized simplicity by tsh oxenreider for great perspective on living simply.

2. consider the heart.
did your new husband just say something stupid that either cut straight to the heart or totally ticked you off? yeh that. ignore it. ask yourself, was his intent to cause me harm? if the answer is no, and it most likely is, just ignore it and know that you are loved.

we were with friends a few weeks ago and the wife made the comment about not being able to lose weight (although she totally doesn't need to- she looks like a model- seriously...and yes i'm talking to you-serious eyes). ahem, anyway, the husband says something like" if you would just... blah blah blah."  jacob and i both looked at each other and simultaneously said something like "dude! what are you doing?" he's a super guy. loves his wife. doesn't care if she loses weight (again she doesn't need to) but he just spoke without thinking. we all do it. excuse it and move on. life will be sweeter if you do.

3. if his underwear is in the floor just pick it up.
i don't know why but men just like to leave their underwear, and other articles of clothing, on the floor, or chair, or windowseat. geez. yes, it drives me bonkers too. and yes, i occasionally say something like, "babe! i pick up after the children i shouldn't have to pick up your stuff too." but then i pick it up anyway and either put it away or give it to him and move on. afterwards realizing the moments following would have been  much sweeter without saying a word. in the broad scheme of things does it really matter? just pick up his draws (is that how you would spell it?) and move on. don't waste precious moments of your life together on petty matters.

this concludes todays lesson on being newly married.

please add your thoughts and humor if you like.


  1. I LOVE THIS POST!!!! I was THAT girl too--braces, mom had to turn a key up top--blah blah blah--total nerd...LOL JK But seriously you said everything correct--Nov 22 me and the hubs will be married for 6 mo--it's been the best time of our LIFE--WE love each other so much and have this special bond between each other that is AMAZING! He is my bestfriend and i'd rather hangout with him than anyone else--and I think it's so cool that he feels the same with me too--XOXOX

  2. Well said. I so wish that someone had taught me these things early on. It would have saved me a lot of grief. Not to mention being in the Word with high school girls! Awesome!

  3. All such good points. Love it. :) Hopefully some newlyweds will take these suggestions to heart!

    PS I keep hearing people suggest Organized Simplicity. Maybe I should just bite the bullet and buy it!

  4. Well done, luv. I agree with all of the above, too.

  5. Catherine Durgin BakerNovember 5, 2011 at 8:29 PM

    The second hand stuff is too true! I am guilty all of the time about my wants verses our needs. Thankfully, we have family members that are willing to give us hand-me-downs.

    The advice that I have to remind myself is to "be best friends." My husband is the man that I chose to be closest with for the rest of my life, so I have to remember to treat him like my best friend, not a roommate, a handy to-do man, or my pin cushion. He is my everything....and yes, I still pick up his underwear, but we've only been married 4 months. Maybe he'll learn? haha


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