:the one where i am not a peacemaker:

i stepped over the little one to get to the stove. she's always at my feet, staring up with those big blue eyes, so curious. frank sinatra filled the air as i stirred the rice and dished out baby food.

i have loved, for ages, breaking bread with friends. it started when we first bought our little house. we knew we wanted to fill it with people and laughter. for years we had ten to twenty girls, different ages, different schools and different strokes, fill our home on monday nights. we played games, shared a meal and studied the life of jesus. they called. i called. we did life together.

here we are again, this place we love. this calling to fellowship. to spur one another on toward good deeds. it fits like a well-worn sweater. comfort on a chili day. it is Him, living through us.

we gather around the table chatting about studies and movies as the children interject with spiderman and toys in need of repair. they are welcome. of course they are welcome. jesus was so earnest in making their presence known and valued. dessert is served and it is beyond sinful. i'm a sucker for chocolate chip cookies. add nutella and i lose all self-control.

we move to the living room. my friend throws her feet over the side of the chair and hunkers down, bible open across her mint green skinnies. i wrap up in a blanket, always cold. the words of jesus are read aloud and sink deep into my soul.

thoughts of how to live out his teachings circle the room. i know what speaks to me. i've been thinking on it for weeks.

"blessed are the peacemakers 

for they shall be called

the children of god"

a deep longing hangs heavy for my children to be peacemakers. that i could leave a legacy that is full of living and love. not fighting and failures. yet it goes further than just the lack of fighting.

i no longer fight.

like that time years ago when words pierced, anger took over and i hurt back. that time that old friends love to bring up and laugh about. that time that i was peter drawing my sword but no righteous cause to defend, only pride. i'm not that person anymore. yet unrest of the soul could be just as damaging. so i look deeper and ask the hard question.

what does it really mean to be a peacemaker? 

this is my journey as i anticipate the resurrection of Christ. constantly asking myself, does this lead to peace? am i making peace with my children? am i bringing peace to my friendships? does my husband feel at peace? is my soul at peace? how can i bring peace to the kingdom of god?

*linking up with carissa for miscellany monday
*just writing with heather