:one year, oh dear:

in the darkness i held her feverish body close to mine. i rocked the hurt away in that old rocking chair handed down by my sister. the one where the afghan, made by aunt dorothy, hangs. the sound machine roared ocean waves that rolled with the rhythm of the rocker. she held the collar of my shirt and laid her head on my shoulder. i felt the weight of her body grow heavy as she gave way to sleep.

prayers are easiest in the night. hushed words of promise spoken over little ones. blessings bestowed. preparing my heart, even no, for the letting go. when they are called to the purposes of the upside down kingdom.

her heart so tender and loving. i pray it will carry her always. that she may love freely, all. especially the broken and beaten down. that she would stand up for the oppressed and give grace to the oppressor. that they would know Him by her love.

still i hold her tight knowing these moments are both a gift and fleeting.

today marks one year from when we first received the news so vague. the uncertainty presented and whirlwind set into motion. the day that i had to trust in Him, for nothing was in my control. my sweet jarius baby, you have been pointing me to Him since the very beginning. as i walked halls with swollen feet and a broken heart begging for you to be okay. please lord, heal my daughter, was my plea. the sting of helplessness still fresh. yet here you are, well. taking first steps on your first birthday. already giving gifts to those around you.

today i rest with a full heart, knowing He is near.

*linking up with carrissa for miscellany monday
*just writing with heather