:thoughts on motherhood // living out the love:

we attended a wedding this weekend. the bride was stunning. her gown was beautiful and her hair divine. she glowed the glow of a woman in love. i watched as the love birds stood hand in hand reciting vowels. it was glorious, this joining of two hearts. when the minister read from first corinthians thirteen there was a stirring in my heart. so much goodness to be found in those words. so much to be practiced and lived out as a wife and mom. 

for the next month we will be learning, practicing and living out the words spoken about love. we started this week with love is patient. love is kind. we talked about ways that we can live out this calling of patience and kindness in our daily life. 

as a way to encourage my little one in letter writing and to spread love to others are sending out a few YOU ARE LOVED packages. it is simple, composed of things we have on hand. 

a bookmark, which you can download for free here.

a set of the YOU ARE LOVED scripture memory cards which can be purchased here

suckers & smarties

handwritten note by my big girl

eisley loved writing the notes and adding her own artistic touch to the envelop. she chose each piece of candy with care and found joy in the blessing of giving. this will be something we practice regularly as we press on to live out the calling of bringing heaven to earth by loving others and loving them well. 

"not all of us can do great things but we can do small things with great love"

-mother teresa

:thoughts on motherhood // on independence & the sting of it:

i had big plans for our day. i'm on a mission to show her a fun mom. i dreamed it for days. my sister-in-law was coming to curl her hair as a special treat. i promised her blush, mascara and lip gloss. this is something she has enjoyed only once in her short six years and it was for her ballet recital. 

the day arrived and we started our pampering session. the joy lasted for only moments then things quickly went downhill. she did not squeal with delight as i applied the mascara. in fact she cried, i'm still not sure why. she did not hug me repeatedly, overflowing with joy. she did not say anything along the lines of oh mommy this is the best day ever, as i pictured. 

once we arrived at the event center, she immediately released me from my anticipated role of wingmom. she ran off in her fluffy white gown to be with the other fancy girls. she didn't look back, much. when asked what her favorite part of the wedding was, she replied, i really like wandering around everywhere, and she did. more than once we looked up to see her  entertaining an entire table full of adults. she pranced around the room with not a care in the world, full of joy in the being. 

she made a new friend, the ring bearer, the only other child present. she shared her animal crackers and conversed with his mother as if they were long lost friends. i waited for a moment when she might need me. i looked for fear that would seek out comfort and found none. sure she would bounce back to our table from time to time for a drink or a bite to eat but it wasn't long until the calling to seek out and be among others overtook her. 

i found myself both happy and sad. i squeezed jacob's arm and he gave me a knowing look. i am happy that my darling is independent and social. she has a deep love for people and a desire to know them. she is a great conversationalist and can hold her own even with those much older. she is polite and kind, silly and playful. 

sadness came in the independence. it wanted to linger but i refused it. this is our goal isn't it? raising her to be a loving and kind human being. a person concerned for others above herself. one that brings joy to all she encounters. one that will make marks for good in the upside-down-kingdom. i cannot hold her hand on this journey but i can love her, support her and encourage her from where i stand. i can be there when she returns to feed her body and soul as needed. yes this my calling. this is motherhood. 

:thoughts on motherhood // the fun mom project:

i've always been the more serious type. when friends were loud and crazy i was quiet and observant. a wall flower, you might say. however, people that laugh loud and like to be seen, have always fascinated me. i'm drawn to those people. the ones with the boldness to be fun. maybe that's why i married a fun one. he's playful and friendly. he has a signature high-five that both stings a little and welcomes you in, lets you know you're included. it says, with a slap, hey, you're cool, lets be friends. only fun people can pull off the high five. 

she sees this about daddy and loves it. the oldest, she's more like him in this way. she never meets a stranger and giggles deep from the belly with everyone she meets. the little two, they are always asking to go. go somewhere, anywhere. just go. 

me? i'm the lover of home and quiet. i crave a full table of food and friends and have a deep love for people but there comes a time when i need home. routine is my favorite. as a mom who stays at home and has chosen home education, there must be routine to keep us in check. 

so daily my children hear some of these things 

brush your teeth and get dressed

it's time for studies

clear your area

put away your toys

gather your books it's time for rest time

please do not say _________

is that being loving?

time for books and snuggles before bed

i am the routine keeper. the trainer of hearts and minds. 

daddy is home in the evenings and weekends. when he comes in the hallelujah chorus sings for all of us. he is truly the highlight of our day. he comes in and wrestles and tickles and laughs with our little ones. on the weekends they can stay in their jammies as long as they want to. he takes them on bike rides and hikes. daddy dates are their absolute favorite. 

so when eisley looked at me one day and said, mommy you're serious and daddy is crazy, i felt a twinge of disappointment but also the sting of truth. i baked cookies that day in an effort to push back against her perspective. daily i've been thoughtfully looking for ways for my children to see the fun side of me. 

during dress up time recently i had two princesses and a spiderman on my hands. the oldest princess said, mommy i wish you could dress up. though there were many things on my to-do list and routines to be kept, i did. i pulled out my wedding gown, and pranced around in my unmade-up face and unwashed hair and found that my little girl who sees me as serious, saw me as fun. even more so when she got to try on my dress. 

so in an effort to show my children moms are fun too, 

i will be documenting these moments via instagram. you can 

follow me // @melissabeaver and join in with the hashtag // #thefunmomproject. 

:thoughts on faith // why he loves the flaws:

i climbed up to the top bunk, like i always do, tossing stuffed animals left and right to make a spot for myself. she rolls toward me and says "you know what my favorite things are?....the things you have made for me." she pulls her ragdolls close. they are worn and frayed, true signs of something well loved. we lay face to face chatting about the day. she's sharing her favorite moments, clutching the heart shaped pillow to her chest. the one that she held on her lamp to see what would happen. yikes! i know.we talked about it  holding it there too long burned a tiny cigarette shaped hole. i tell her, i can patch that and it won't be as noticeable she turns her round hazel eyes to the sky thinking about my offer. she looks back to her pillow and gently traces the mark with her finger. no, she says, i like it. that's how i know it's mine. 

we kissed goodnight and i climbed down from her bunk to go about my evening routine. i picked up a few toys here and there, returning them to their rightful home. i washed dishes in silence as her words washed over me, no, i like the flaw, that's how i know it's mine.

the burn marks of my life surfaced. the ones that often bring pain and shame. the ones that i hide and worry will change how people see me. everyone has a mark of some sort. evidence of wrong choices made during a selfish season. a season when the desires of my own hearts were more important than his. a season when my path seemed better than his. yet i am convinced that jesus looks at those marks, traces them with his fingers, covers them with his grace and says, yes, they are mine. 

i am his....marks and all.

:thoughts on motherhood // the little one:

this one is nearly two and i stand still, shocked by the fleeting of time. as her second birthday draws near, i see the beauty of her untamed curls, her all out excitement for living this life and the passionate love she has for all who cross her path, i go back to that dark place. i see her being wheeled away by strangers and feel the feelings of the unknown. gratitude fills my soul, to the brim. 

he said it as we sped down the interstate, not far behind the ambulance that carried our day old baby, "she's going to be fine. there is nothing wrong with her."

i sat nervously careful of my thoughts knowing my emotions were hanging by a thread. speaking to just the right person could open the floor gates of despair that i could not again, close. i didn't answer the phone when friends called. jacob handled nearly all communication. he kept everyone informed and somehow managed to keep me grounded at the same time. 

our small stint in the NICU was but a wrinkle in time. i can say that now because it is behind us, a speck in our story. yet while living it, the hallways seemed miles long, the nights eternal and that week of "maybe tomorrow" never ending. the lessons learned will remain for all of our days. 

yet here she is, in all her glory, almost two. this tender one of mine, reminding me what compassion looks like as her heart breaks with the broken hearted. as i see her draw near to her brother and sister when comfort is needed. love, freely given, without request or conditions. 

thank you little one for helping me see this earth crammed with heaven. 

:thoughts on faith // on sabbath & keeping it holy:

our current read aloud is little house on the prairie. just recently we came across the chapter describing sundays and the honor of them. laura and mary weren't aloud to run and play on sundays. for it was the sabbath and meant to be honored, holy. this didn't sit well with laura- this idea mandated and passed down of what sabbath should look like for everyone. it doesn't sit well with me either. 

times have changed a bit. children are free to run and play. stores are now open on sundays. church people are the primary patrons during the lunch hour rush. honoring the sabbath and keeping it holy looks different from one person to the next. 

there was a time when i would notice someone mowing their lawn on sunday and judge them. 

there was a time when i noticed the neighbors car never moved on a sunday morning and judge them.

now there are many days when our car doesn't move on sunday morning. yet honoring the sabbath and keeping it holy is sacred to me. 

on any given sunday you'll find me sleeping in, sipping my coffee slowly while little ones snuggle close for books or a show. i might wake up early to sit in the silence and bask in the grace that never runs out and never gives up. i might crawl in that amazing tent my father-in-law built, to snuggle eisley, usually the last to get up, and chat about her dreams and plans and hopes. you'll most likely find me making the bed, because it gives me peace. before i can finish the one-that-i-love picks me up and throws me down for a cuddle. this cuddle is also known as an open invitation for little ones to join in to wrestle and tickle and giggle breathless. 

these are the moments where i see the evidence of god. 

these are the moments crammed with heaven and i see it and i am taking off my shoes for these moments, they are holy. 

:thoughts on motherhood // on adventure:

she flew in the backdoor, short of breath, cheeks read and grabbed my hand. do you want to come see it mama? we decorated the clubhouse! i followed her outside and for a moment my memories took me back to that little spot out in the woods behind my mama's house. the one with the swept dirt floors and wooden sign that said something like keep out or girls clubhouse, i can't remember now. 

i followed her to the entrance and walked in across the newly laid, stepping stones with the words written by her friend:

the playhouse 

ond by the bevers 

i walked inside to see old christmas garland strung from one tree to the next. a living area that consisted of a little tikes chair from her table set, a camping chair and a flower pot turned upside-down for a coffee table. the lounge area, she presented. 

i paused to look all around, trying to take in all the beauty that her six year old eyes were seeing. after a minute my eyes met hers. the corners turned up and she gave me that quirky grin that says, well, whaddya think mom? i said it's just perfect coop- just perfect! 

//

the cold days have kept us from playing outside as much as we like. so when it warmed up after the single digit temperatures we set our sights on adventure. 

our adventure included a bucket or basket for each darling to collect their findings and driving a good 4 miles to a local homestead for exploration. the children ran and giggled from spot to spot, hair flying in the wind, collecting and imagining and delighting in the newness of it all. they filled their baskets full of goodies to take home all the while basking in the beauty of make-believe, pretending the shelters were their places of residence

i was reminded how easily they are made happy. i was renewed in my quest for a simple life. i was refreshed by the crisp cool air and the warm sunshine on my face.

"we have such a brief opportunity to pass on to our children our love for this earth, 

and to tell our stories. these are the moments when the world is made whole. in my 

children's memories, the adventures we've had together in nature will always exist."

-richard louv, last child in the woods

:thoughts on motherhood // training days:

the wind blows chill right to my summer-loving-bones. i've never liked the cold. give me warmth and sunshine and bare feet any day, every day. the winter days are hard and long with little ones that desperately need to be outside washing away their energy with running and jumping and tree climbing high enough to make my mama heart panic. 

so, in an effort to fight the winter-melt-downs ensued by too many hours cooped up inside, i am slowly giving my little ones more responsibilities around the house. their ages are seven-next month, four and a half and two-next month. 

after breakfast is finished they clear their area, something we've been working on for weeks now. teaching them to take ownership of their space and their things. they put their plates in the sink and their water cups in the refrigerator. i ask eisley, the oldest, to empty the dishwasher, which she currently LOVES to do. i start making the bed and durgin comes in upset that he doesn't have a job. now,  had i issued a job earlier without his request i truly feel he would have resisted. however, seeing his older sister with a job instantly made him want one. so he brought the laundry from the dryer to the living room and folded what he could and put away a few things as well. 

lunch was prepared while the darlings played. then we enjoyed a bit of geography along with our goodies. .

once they were finished they, again, cleared their area and asked to clean the floors. every part of my perfectionist self wanted to say no i'll do that later, but i resisted. they each had a broom or mop of some sort. very little cleaning was actually accomplished but with some upbeat music they enjoyed a little dance party while getting the hang of pushing the broom around. they expended some energy and my floors do look surprisingly cleaner. 

how do you teach your little ones to help out around the house?

:thoughts on motherhood // on being an amateur:

someone recently asked me, "when did you get so crafty?" and "when did you start drawing?" 

the love of art and all things creative has always been within my soul. burned deep in my memory are the moments spent with a blank canvas before me as mrs. freeze, my art teacher in the eighth grade, taught me how to make little trees with a fan brush. my mom had a custom frame built for that piece of art and the love of it all has lingered through the years. 

having children has fanned the flame of creativity. my big girl is artistic by nature and i am certain that art time is her love language. she is happiest when she is creating. so i'm learning and i'm teaching her and she's teaching me as we go along. 

this week we started a new project, quilt making.

i found this tutorial for a patchwork quilt that looked simple enough for our first attempt. 

we picked out the fabric from my stash with no particular rhyme or reason for each piece. i cut out 48 pieces and let her arrange them how she saw fit. she then ironed every piece, which was her first time using an iron- yay for life skills! then we sewed one row together. she got a little crooked on two pieces so we had to pull those out and do them again. her excitement about this project is contagious. the delight she has taken in one little row sewn makes my mama heart overflow with joy. i can't wait to see how it turns out! 

"every artist was first an amateur"

-ralph waldo emerson


*linking up with carissa for miscellany monday

:thoughts on motherhood // watch for the light:

"the light shines in darkness and the darkness has not overcome it" john 1:5

as the advent season approaches things will begin to look differently around here. there will be a slowing of our days. there will be more calm as we await the coming of christ. there will be a tossing out of our sunday's best and we will put on our work clothes in order to do the hard work for the kingdom. the hard work of shining light into our hearts to see what must be changed. only when the light has been invited into our hearts can we do the work of bringing light to others.

so you might find us cuddled under blankets reading books upon books upon books. we will continue looking through the world vision catalogue trying to decide how we can bless those found inside. you will surely find us donning our aprons, flour dusting the floors, as we create goodies to fill the belly and bless the heart of neighbors, known and unknown. we will collect cans and coins and coats and take them where they are needed. we will seek out people that need encouragement and do what we can, with what we have been given. 

we will open our home to friends and family and we will not worry about dirty countertops or dishes in the sink. we will relish in the gift of friendship and the blessing of community. my little ones will learn, first hand, the art of hospitality. 

yes, for us, this will be the season of slowing. what will your season look like?

"we have to learn to live in what is coming from god every day and to carry a light 

from this awareness into the darkness" - alfred delp

*linking up with carissa