:the one where i turn 35:

the morning calls me as it always does. i felt a little one warm against my back. she sneaks in during the night when she is afraid. our bed a security blanket of sorts. i sat up quietly so not to wake the sleeping babies. feet touch the floor and recoil from the chill. i make my way to the living room where the first light of day is just beginning to peek over tree tops. socks and a sweater are quickly added to my morning attire while i notice traces of jacob's early morning departure. flip the switch and the sweet smell of coffee drips fresh for the taking.

a note of love left behind from him, "happy birthday. i love you."

it's short, simple and to the point, just like him. more words would not make it more true.

i sip coffee from my new favorite mug, the one with the typewriter, reminding me of my love for the written word and my calling to it. l'engle, a faithful companion, joins and inspires:

"the very young can be charming and delightful and pretty but only a mature woman can be beautiful."

comfort can be found in these words, especially today.

the very young, no longer includes me, even though i feel it should. time flies, truly.

wasn't it just yesterday i was going on my first date with that guy wearing a belt buckle larger than his entire waist? wasn't it just yesterday i was pulling my hair into a pony tail in the locker room preparing for the afternoon volleyball match? wasn't it just yesterday i wore bright green and walked across the stage, praying i wouldn't trip, to collect my diploma? wasn't it just yesterday i went four wheeling with the one i now call mine, not knowing he would be just that? wasn't it just yesterday that girls flooded in and out of my home, longing to know Him? wasn't it just yesterday i took more than five pregnancy tests to confirm i was carrying our first child and announced it to those precious girls and we danced and laughed with glee? wasn't it just yesterday our first born took her first steps across our dining room floor in pink foot-jammies that said i love mommy, i love daddy?

oh the yesterdays i have had.
oh the tomorrows i have to anticipate.