:the one where i am shaken:

a teething baby girl took hours of my sleep night before last. i held her warm body close to mine and we rocked the pain away. being the one to meet her needs, being needed, there is no feeling greater. she says da-da all day long but when she sees me a grin spreads that nearly covers her whole face. blue eyes bright, twinkling almost, at the mere sight of ma-ma. to her i am her life source. i am her rescuer when she is troubled.

she went to bed early last night and so did i. well, not bed, but the couch. i fall asleep there almost every night. i woke up near midnight to see jacob asleep on the other one. we made our way to bed, soft and cozy. my head hit the pillow, the one that molds perfectly around my ears, and i was wide awake. i rested for a while, eyes closed, willing myself back to sleep with no success.

i recently read Half the Church by Carolynn Custis James and she mentions Half the Sky by Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl Wudunn, numerous times throughout. the documentary was on Netflix so i turned that on while i waited for sleep to come.

two renown reporters journey into Africa and Asia to shed light on the struggles of women found there. my heart is broken on behalf of my sisters world wide that are suffering with no one to speak for them.

one girl, fourteen was raped by her pastor and bravely came forward to her parents and to the police. the man was arrested and there were many accusations against him for rape of young girls. he was held in custody and then released. the girl was kicked out of her home by her father for bringing shame to their family.

another woman was sold into sex slavery at twelve and raped repeatedly. she escaped and started an organization that rescues girls in the same predicament. girls as young as three years old bought and sold. used and left to die. this woman, strong and fierce, passionate to make a difference, says "i want them to grow up to be me." she wants them to grow up and become rescuers.

isn't that what we are all called to? to become rescuers?

to rescue like we have been rescued?
to love like we have been loved?
to extend grace like have been extended?

all those things that we fight against daily like statuses that provoke, people that disappoint and moments that frustrate, are not our battle. we do not fight against flesh and blood, those are merely a distraction from the darkness and ugliness of this world that truly needs our attention.

i have been shaken.


*just writing with heather