:thoughts on motherhood [love is patient, love is kind]:

i use this chalkboard to write their bible verse for the week. their verse. it's for them to learn and apply. them. not me.

he has breakfast around 7:30am, usually cheerios and an orange. his requests for snack begins about  8:30am and continues until 10:30am when i finally give it to him. he asks for a piece of toast with apple butter. i agree. he gobbles it up as i look on in delight and think there there little one. you were just hungry you precious blue eyed darling. five seconds after he is finished with his toast he asks for moooooooore breaaaaaad. i tell him no, in my sweetest mommy voice, informing him we will be having lunch shortly. he screams. he cries. he pleads. he wakes baby girl. help me jesus.

he takes a time out in his chair in the hall and i take one at the dining room table. i choose that chair, the one that faces their verse. i take a sip of my luke warm coffee, because what mother ever actually drinks hot coffee. amen? amen. i notice the verse. the one i wrote so carefully. pink for the word love, yellow for the other words and a pink cloud around it all for emphasis. love is patient. love is kind.

love is patient.
deep breath.
love is kind.
exhale.

our battle did not end when i took that deep breath but my frustration did.

reminded of the times i dug my heels in determined to have what i wanted or die trying. the times i thought i knew what was best and did anything to have my way. like that one time when my mom told me i couldn't see that boy anymore. didn't she know she was totally ruining my life. sixteen year olds are soooooo dramatic. i saw him anyway. of course i did. i was going to have my way. that is until Grace stepped in and rescued me like only Grace can and i stopped playing childish games and learned to play the right kind.

oh little one, if you weren't born into sin you could blame me. that stubborn heart. the will of wills. sweet child. i will be patient. i will be kind. Grace will see us through.