:thoughts on motherhood // what the years give:

when i was little i counted half birthdays. i'm six and a half, i would say. because six and a half was so much closer to seven. so much closer to cake and presents and balloons. at fifteen and a half it was so much closer to driving. so much closer to being older. so much closer to figuring things out. because that's what you do when you grow up. you figure things out. you have all the answers. at least that's what i thought then. i know better now.

the years tucked under my belt draw me no closer to having it all figured out than they did at sixteen. i still seek answers and direction. the difference is, there is wisdom in the years past. wisdom in paths trod and mistakes made. wisdom is being slow to speak and quick to listen though i'm certain i could stand to be slower and quicker on both counts.

years past give way to the value of people. people come and gone and the ones that stay. they have value. they have a place in this story being written. they have a place in the legacy left. i see them differently now. friendships are cherished. the ones that love me- the real me. the introverted, quirky, wall builder. the ones that push through and love me in spite of my flaws. these are the ones that will be held in my heart always.

these years and motherhood give me new perspective and appreciation for that mama that worked hard and loved strong all by herself. staying at home to love my babies all day long is a gift i do not take for granted. she reminds me often how quickly the time flies. how quickly little ones turn into big ones. how this season is to be lived and loved. how there is never too much grace to be lavished upon then and upon myself in a season that screams failure.

today i sip coffee and count blessings, though i will never finish. there are too many, far too many. my hope in this life is to pass on those blessings to those around me. bless my little ones with a life of joy and laughter and loving others. bless my neighbors with time and talents and the jesus-with-skin-on kind of love.

yes, let us be the living expression of the kindness of god today and every day.

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