:the one where it's okay for us to think differently:

it was an old fashion ice cream shop and i was sixteen, ready for independence and spending money. family owned and homemade everything. the kind of place you don't see much these days. it was where everyone went after church on sunday nights and housed my grandpa's favoite flavor, black cherry.

the uniform, a combination of a hot pink shirt, white denim and a white hat was less than flattering. especially if you know me and the hang up i have with hats and pulling my hair back.

the owner, a tall, intimidating man, watched us to our cars each night in a fatherly way. once in a while one of us girls would have a fella waiting for us when the shop closed and he would say, "got one waitin' for ya" followed by a wink of approval.

the manager was a young woman, twenties or so, absolutely beautiful. she had hair way down to her bottom which most people wouldn't notice because of the previously mentioned hat. she was polite and always encouraging. her name was joy, suiting her perfectly.

she was pentecostal, though i didn't know that word at sixteen. i had only heard that denomination referred to as "holy rollers," whatever that means. somehow a discussion about speaking in tongues came up. young, southern baptist raised, i spouted off all the things i had been told about speaking in tongues. i acted like i knew what i was talking about. i acted holy. i was condescending. she responded with grace.

it's okay if you don't understand it.
it's okay to say you don't know.
it's okay that we think differently.

nearly twenty years later, her thoughts resonate deep within. it's okay if we don't understand each other. it's okay if we don't know the answers. it's okay if we think differently.

food for thought by john wesley:

though we cannot think alike, can we not love alike?

 

 

When I was young I was sure of everything. In a few years, having been mistaken a thousand times, I was not half so sure of most things as I was before. At present, I am hardly sure of anything but what God has revealed to me.

:thoughts on motherhood [sharing our stories]:

she talked quietly, sure that her daughter could not hear the retelling of the weeks events. i could sense the heaviness of her heart. this weight of motherhood is too big at times. too big for those of us who feel so much like a child ourselves. how did i get to thirty-four? how did i get to adulthood? decision making? so often i still feel like the child wanting someone else to make decisions for me. wanting someone else to speak for me.

a homeschooling mother who loves her children with all of her might. she rebutes the common statement "you can't shelter your children forever" with such wisdom. she responds gently in love,

"the disciples spent three whole years of their adult lives with jesus. since he was their rabbi i can only assume they followed him every day. it was after three years, of their adult life, that they were sent into the world to make disciples of other people. why shouldn't i shelter my five year old until they too are ready to go and make disciples of other people?"

she tells me how her eight year old daughter was not being treated kindly by the neighborhood children. eight years old wanting to be eighteen. aren't we always desiring to be something we are not? the older girls thirteen and fifteen tease her little one. she hears them. her mama heart inflames. she battles the flesh. she wants to tell those girls what-for. that's her baby they are talking to. that's her baby they are mistreating. do i defend her and risk embarrassing her or let her handle it and risk her thinking i don't care. wondering why didn't i stand up for her? she wonders.

moments later her daughter darts in the house and bursts into tears, her heart in pieces. she says to her mommy, "why didn't you say anything?" my friend, full of grace, walks out to the culdesac where the older kids are hanging out. she calls the one that was unkind over to speak to her quietly. she tells her how she has loved getting to know her. she tells her how she is happy she is part of their community. she tells her how much her girls admire her. she tells her that they like to encourage one another and use words to uplift. the girl listened. the girl responded to grace with repentance. the girl showed love to my friends daughter by picking her up and twirling her around.

i listened hard and tears filled my eyes. grace. such marvelous grace.

we share stories because we are students becoming teachers becoming students over and over again. i tell her constantly that god gave her to me so she could trod along the path first teaching me the way i should go.

i am sure i will encounter this with my children. i'm certain of it. i'm also certain that had she not shared this story, when my time came, i would not have handled the situation with such grace. i would have told that kid what-for. i promise. but now, because of her, because of grace, i will know better. i will choose a different way. i will bless both my child and someone else's.

lets share our stories and travel this road of motherhood together.

:the one where it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt:

he popped his blonde head up as soon as i opened the door, are we going to the post office and the park? yes, the post office then the park buddy. i promised an after nap adventure and an after nap adventure we would have topped with a little education. we've been studying community helpers and what better way to learn than to see the people and places in person.

the post office was tthe first stop. not an easy task with three little ones and not a task i normally look forward to. however, today i approached it as a learning experience. a sweet gentleman let me and my crew go ahead of him which i think he probably regretted quickly. the computer froze and would not process my shipment. of course no one behind me knew that. so that gentleman had to wait much longer than he anticipated.

we talked about community helpers and they asked the sweet lady behind the counter some questions and chatted with her daughter, a fifth grader, while we waited. they asked for snack about 350 times but maintained their composure, thank you jesus.

next up the park to see the ducks. they played and laughed and got entirely too close to the water giving me heart palpatations. i watched the older ones closely as i planned different rescue maneuvers in my mind in case they happened to fall in. not long into our adventure, the coopster spots a tree she simply must climb. the little dude and i plop down on a bench so he can finish his snack while baby girl just hangs out in the stroller. moments later eisley screams and comes over crying rubbing her chest and belly. she said she got stung by a bug so i go over to investigate. sure enough there was an odd spiny, tiny creature on the tree that she must have laid on while climbing. it was dead but one of the little spiny things went into her skin. she cried and cried and cried. she said things like:

i wish daddy were here.
why did you choose that tree?
why didn't you check to see if there were bugs on it?
i'm never coming to the park again.
i'm never climbing another tree again.

now this girl loves to climb trees. here she is climbing the tree at her grandparents house IN A DRESS. a dedicated tree climber indeed. but she got hurt. she was wounded doing something she loves. so she decided, if something i love can hurt me then i just won't love it anymore.

as i turned over the events of the day, i felt a heavy shift in my soul. i get it little one. my heart still hurts from wounds received throughout the years. yet, if i stopped loving all the things that hurt me i would love very little. i don't want to love little. i want to love much. so much it hurts.

yes, love so much it hurts. then love some more.

:the one where we are made for more:

the kettle whistles. i pick it up and move to the sink to pour steaming water over fresh coffee, my eyes scan our yard as i wait. i sigh. those darn weeds are growing in the play area again. the area we dug out carefully and covered with mulch for a nice appearance. the area where the slides and playhouse and sandbox reside. weeds. we pull and we spray and they go away for a bit but they always come back. this tending, it gets old.

you aren't welcome weeds, i think as i pull and pluck each one.

i keep a constant eye on that place. searching for any sign of weeds that may arise so that i can step in before there is a full fledged overtaking.

so familiar this turning of words and thoughts. so much like that place that harbors both beauty and bitterness. i tend and pull and tug and stand back admiring the cleanliness. moments later there it is, the ugly. so i tend and pull and tug some more.

constant this dance between forgiven and fallen.

then He whispers ever so quietly, you were made for more sweet child.

made for more.

made for beauty.
made for community.
made for motherhood.
made for love and love making.
made for encouraging and being encouraged.
made for showing forgiveness to a fallen world.
made for laughter and delight.
made for joy

made for more.



*just writing with heather today

:no stress photography [with children]:

photography takes an instant out of time, altering life by holding it still.

-dorothea lange

daily as a mother i reach out and try to stop the hands of time. i freeze frame special moments, speaking internally, begging my soul to remember. i grab my camera and snap the every day real moments. the ones with chocolate smeared all over faces from breakfast pancakes. the ones with dirty hands and feet from hours of play outside. the ones with grumpy faces from tired tiny hearts. i love these photos and treasure them always.

i needed new family photos desperately. it seems an impossible task with three little ones, five, three and 6 months old. so i decided to just go for updated photographs of the children. last minute i called my sister-in-law and told her to dress her kids for pictures. might as well do all the grandkids on my husbands side while we are at it. we had an impromptu photoshoot and this is what i learned.

a little effort goes a long way

i wanted a little pop of color in the setting. i took fabric scraps of all sizes and quickly sewed them to a piece of twine with a zig-zag stitch. if you don't sew you could just tie the scraps in knots for the same effect. i covered a small children's table with two large pieces of fabric and topped them with the mason jars. my darling husband grabbed a handful of twigs and placed them in the jars while i added a twine bow. my kiddos are totally obsessed with spiders right now and their papa has a vintage book on spiders that made for the perfect accent and enticed the children to the table.

start small

i started the session with the two oldest girls, a.k.a. the most compliant. they loved sitting on the old stool and rocking chair and didn't mind a bit when i told them to share a few secrets. after a few shots of them i added the next little peanut, and the next and the next until we had all five babies posed.

take what you get

with the group shot we mostly got solemn faces and blank stares. it was late afternoon, the children were ready to play and doing their best to oblige our efforts of memory capturing. they were not all looking at the camera and they definitely were not all smiling. this is just fine with me because this is who they are at five, four, three, two and six months.

let them be themselves

my little guy loves cars and to think that he would put his cars down to come pose nice for a picture is just silly. it's not going to happen without tears. so i welcomed his cars and we talked about them and after a few minutes he leaned over and gave me that smile that melts my heart and will send me into full fledged mommy dearest when he is sixteen.

ask for help

what you cannot see from these photographs are my husband and sister-in-law holding the fabric banner in the background and my mother-in-law holding baby girl and rounding up the other little ones. they helped direct and redirect the children and invited smiles and silliness. i would not have been able to do this without them.

have fun

i thought up this little scene and worked with excitement to have it play out as i desired. it was a lot of fun and we have precious pictures to boot.


what are you best tips to no stress photography?


*linking up with carissa for miscellany monday and ruth the better mom

:thoughts on motherhood [love is patient, love is kind]:

i use this chalkboard to write their bible verse for the week. their verse. it's for them to learn and apply. them. not me.

he has breakfast around 7:30am, usually cheerios and an orange. his requests for snack begins about  8:30am and continues until 10:30am when i finally give it to him. he asks for a piece of toast with apple butter. i agree. he gobbles it up as i look on in delight and think there there little one. you were just hungry you precious blue eyed darling. five seconds after he is finished with his toast he asks for moooooooore breaaaaaad. i tell him no, in my sweetest mommy voice, informing him we will be having lunch shortly. he screams. he cries. he pleads. he wakes baby girl. help me jesus.

he takes a time out in his chair in the hall and i take one at the dining room table. i choose that chair, the one that faces their verse. i take a sip of my luke warm coffee, because what mother ever actually drinks hot coffee. amen? amen. i notice the verse. the one i wrote so carefully. pink for the word love, yellow for the other words and a pink cloud around it all for emphasis. love is patient. love is kind.

love is patient.
deep breath.
love is kind.
exhale.

our battle did not end when i took that deep breath but my frustration did.

reminded of the times i dug my heels in determined to have what i wanted or die trying. the times i thought i knew what was best and did anything to have my way. like that one time when my mom told me i couldn't see that boy anymore. didn't she know she was totally ruining my life. sixteen year olds are soooooo dramatic. i saw him anyway. of course i did. i was going to have my way. that is until Grace stepped in and rescued me like only Grace can and i stopped playing childish games and learned to play the right kind.

oh little one, if you weren't born into sin you could blame me. that stubborn heart. the will of wills. sweet child. i will be patient. i will be kind. Grace will see us through.

:thoughts on homeschooling [no.1]:

sally clarkson says, "what a child learns to love first, he will love forever." i long for her to love learning. for her to delight in the every day discoveries. my desire is that she would be encouraged in her learning and feel safe to ask questions. i love watching her learn and being part of the process. i love seeing her eyes light up when she gets it. i love seeing her give an answer in the most casual manner because the current concept is easy peasy. i love seeing her artwork and her writing sheets posted on the wall and thinking, i got to teach her this!

 

 

{resources for homeschooling}

 

no time for flashcards : hands on activities for little ones using simple every day items. i rarely have to make a mad dash to the craft store being completing one of her teaching crafts.

steady mom : gives practical advice on motherhood and staying on track. she homeschools her children and gives insight in this area as well.

confessions of a homeschooler : excellent supplemental resources and unit studies found here.

artful parent : jean speaks my love language with her take on the arts. we have a very artistic little girl and nurting that love is one of my main priorities. this site is a tremendous help.

word playhouse : gives great insight on how to keep a calm home and a fluid routine.

simple homeschool : answers the questions we are all asking as homeschooling, stay-at-home-moms.

homeschool creations : resources and free printables for your homeschooling needs.

 

i have all of these blogs in my google reader and read them regularly. great inspiration for adding excitment to learning. our children will love learning if we love learning.

 

 

what are your favorite homeschool resources?

 

 

 

:the one where we make use out of our art:

 

 

 

art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time

-thomas merton

 

 

art is part of our every day. we are constantly lookng for ways to create and discover. on this particular day we tried painting with marbles. we gathered our supplies: 2 8x10 pans, 2 sheets of white paper, marbles and paint.

 

 

 

eisley dipped each marble in the paint, placed it in the pan and rolled it around. i was quite fascinated with the pattern and new colors created as the marbles crossed paths. it only took a few minutes to complete both pieces of paper.

 

 

 

we let those dry and glued them to 12x12 cardstock and then cut them down to cute little notecards (top photo).

this week before our lessons we have taken time each morning to write an ancouraging note to someone of their choosing. eisley is super excited to see her art useful!

 

what do you do with all the art your children create?

:the best things in life:

she had long blonde hair. so long you imagine it never touched by scissors. a plain jane, this one, but lovely still. she sat in that corner metal chair rarely embarrassed to share her thoughts. somewhat adamant about her opinions. one encounter stands out in my mind though from many years ago. she came into sunday school and said the night before she bagged up nearly half of her belongings to donate. she said she had to, she felt so guilty about having so much when others had so little.

i stood there and thought, she's nuts. why would you bag up your stuff. i mean i know there are people who have less than me but i'm not giving away half of my stuff. who in the world would expect that of me?

***

i made a list in a pretty little notebook. a sucker for cute notebooks and great writing pens. every single room detailed of its excess. things to trash. things to donate. things to sell. room by room , purging. decluttering. though my mission is not spurred by guilt but by neccessity. less things mean less clutter. less clutter means less places for dirt to collect which means less cleaning for me. less clothing means less washing. less stuff means less distractions.

less cleaning, less washing and less distractions means more play, more snuggles, more adventures and more laughter with my family.

those little ones, they are watching. they know what's important to me by where i spend my time and resources. there is a good chance that i will rear children that are somehwat like me. if i think of people more highly than things, maybe they will too. if i use our resources to bless those around us, maybe they will too. if i place value on family and memories made rather than shopping and things obtained, maybe they will too.

the best things in life, aren't things at all, are they?



:the one where we celebrate for no reason at all:

we woke up to rain, the kind that hangs around all day. plans to spend the day in the mountains postponed. we were all disappointed so jacob built the best fort ever and we dreamed we were camping as our lady bug gave us a star filled sky. we wished on the stars and watched our wishes come true.

we read books and played cars. we played play dough and we played play dough some more. we painted. we filled our moments with play and art until play and art no longer satisfied. the grumpies came for a visit and they refused to leave.

there was nothing left to do except celebrate. how can the grumpies stay if we celebrate?

supplies were gathered: pretty cardstock, toothpicks, double sided tape and white powdered donuts. i cut out a cute little flag shape from the cardstock and glued two sides together with a toothpick in the middle. it made our little treat all the more special. and it sent the grumpies marching on their way....at least for a little while.

how do you make the grumpies disappear at your house?


*linking up with carissa for miscellany monday & the better mom

:the one where she learns to cook:

i have decided to add a little more responsibility to my kindergartner. she lights up when i give her tasks that her younger brother and sister cannot manage. she wants to lead and she loves to learn. as a way to nurture her love for cooking, incorporate math and teach responsibility, eisley will now be in charge of the family meals on wednesdays. she will get to choose what we have (within reason), grocery shop for the supplies, think about serving size and the time it takes to prepare the meal as well as be the leader from start to finish. i will simply assist, teach and encourage along the way.

i got the recipe for homemade alfredo sauce from a friend to use as our first meal. eisley added all the ingredients to the pan and stirred until it was melted, careful not to get to close to the hot element. she broke the fettucini noodles and dropped them in the boiling water. she helped saute the mushrooms. we placed the food on each plate together and she topped them with parsley. the meal was delicious and she was totally proud of herself.

do you cook with your children? i'd love some easy recipes if you have any to recommend!

:the one with the changing seasons:

late night chatter with a friend brings back memories of when friendships first formed. dreams of a place for moms to be together and encourage one another. scripture was read with little ones at our feet, just one or two per mom. now some have two. some have three. conversations are rarely finished. thoughts hardly complete. yet the season holds such sweetness. a time of growth, comradery and encouragement more precious than any earthy possession.

seasons change.

fall can be felt in the cool night air. refreshing after so many hot summer nights. ten children among us now. public schooling, homeschooling and a longing for deeper relationships with Him take us on different paths. some go this way, some another. this breaking away is not personal. we do not battle flesh and blood. different desires bring about different choices.

his unfailing love washes over me reminding of his plans. the stars and sand tell how great is his love for us.

***

we laugh holding our coffee mugs, the fancy ones, warm with fresh coffee straight from the press. we catch up on family, work and our current obsession, Lost.

my heart longs for community, i tell her. my longing, no my calling, to be with and encourage other mothers on this journey. i talk about my search for a church to call home like that one when i was a little girl. she has a place and reflects on its blessing.

after many hours the sun is gone and so is our coffee. if it weren't for the tiny ones that need us before the sun rises i think we could have talked all night. we hug tight, thankful for friendship and coffee. yes coffee, that nectar that unites and awakens the soul, thank you jesus. we plan our sleep over to watch the series finale of this show that keeps me both confused and hooked. i close the door behind her and exhale. moments later i fall into my bed, soft and welcoming, with a full full heart.




*late to the party, just writing with heather

:the one where we soak up the last days of summer:

she loves to dress up and twirl like a ballerina. the love for dancing? she gets that honest. daily i turn up the music and dance parties commence. i hold baby girl and we prance around the dinning room table through the kitchen back to the living room making a soul train of sorts.

the boy loves his cars and that old blanket made by his great grandmother he will only know through stories. the blanket was made for his daddy but perfect for my little guy with cars all over. i spread it on the grass in the warm sunlight and he lays down and drives his cars all around town, or wherever his imagination takes them.

baby girl just happily tags along and takes interest in whatever the big kids are doing or finding something to put in her mouth as teething has taken over.

we step away from television and technology and enjoy the warmth of the fleeting days of summer. we laugh and snuggle and tickle and giggle. we are learning to love well in all seasons.


*linking up with carissa for miscellany monday

::the one where six months went too fast::

your daddy was off at the Wild Goose Festival when i realized you were on your way. i couldn't bring myself to tell him over the phone. i needed to see his expression and experience the joy of baby number three right with him. that man and me, we are thick as thieves you shall soon see little one.

you were my toughest pregnancy. i don't blame you. i blame age and gravity. yes they are defnitely the culprits. them and that pesky liver malfunctioning making the thought of jumping off a building appealing as opposed to the non. stop. itching. all over my body.

you came into the world beautifully, one push, then you were mine to hold.

our family lavished you with love and i spent the night nursing and cuddling you. the next morning our world flipped upside down as your stability came into question. the sting is fresh when i think back to those moments of uncertainty. yet as i look at you now in the high chair, eyes wide watching me, grace flows.

you radiate joy and contentment. i hold you close and breathe it in along with the glory of His endless mercy. we are telling this story of Him and us and them and you have joined right along making your mark. you pointed my heart toward Him from day one and have continued ever since.

you belly laugh and squeal loud finding your voice. you watch eisley and durgin, learning lessons daily. they love you and you love them and you will be best friends. you love the yummy foods i make for you, squash, sweet potato, carrots and bananas so far. you had a slow start but you are taking off and finally have some chub on your short little legs. no teeth yet but plenty of slobber and gnawing to let us know they are on their way.

we love you little one. all six months of you.

:the one about the small church that loved:

it was a small country church tucked away at the end of a side street. it had the most beautiful trees in the front yard, perfect for climbing or switches. i preferred the climbing but it was tough in those dresses with the lace and frills and tights and white patent leather shoes.

the steps led down to the sunday school rooms. the ones with the felt boards and noah's ark. there was a nursery that housed two cribs and a rocking chair and not much else but boy did i want to be big enough to be in there helping with the babies. especially the babies that were with that young couple, the foster parents.

the old rugged cross still plays in my mind, sung by Preacher, cause everyone called them Preacher back then. he was blind and wheelchair bound and could sing with such sincerity you knew that the old rugged cross meant something to him. he was good to my mama when she needed goodness in her life.

i had a friend and she was beautiful. she had hair down to her rear and wore the fanciest dresses. she was being raised by her grandparents, he led the music and she played the piano and they sang old hyms in harmony. they went to western steer every single sunday after church and i always hoped she would ask me to go home with her because that meant i could have steak tips and gravy.

this was a time when homecomings were something to look foward to. members, past and present, would come back for food and fellowship and us kids would chase and play and laugh for hours upon hours.

i'm sure women weren't allowed in leadership then and maybe you had to believe the same as everyone else to take part and communions might have been closed but if it was so, i didn't know it. i only knew the love of the people there.

he said you would know his people by their love.
let it be so today.

john 13:34-35

a new commandment i give you: love one another. as i have loved you, so you must love one another.by this everyone will know you are my disciples if you love one another.

:the one where we remove training wheels:

she did every thing on her list and gave herself a check. so proud. a kindergartner now. it's interesting how labels affect our self-image. i officially gave her the title monday and she is already so different. so mature, ready to fulfill her role as a kindergartner. no longer a four year old. no longer a preschooler, but five, a kindergartner and a very big deal.

words are powerful.

my little one received the label kindergartner and acted accordingly.

she requested her training wheels be removed because kindgergartner's do not need training wheels. i quickly let her know that she would probably fall and that it was totally normal and completely okay. everyone falls. just jump back up and hop back on, i told her. jacob ran beside her a couple of times holding her steady and then off she went. then down she went. she looked back to me with a is this what you were talking about mom? look. my response, shake it off baby, hop back on there! not long after she got the hang of it and began to ride all over the place unassisted. we hopped around the yard yelling and cheering at her great accomplishment. she beamed with enthusiasm.

i took the little ones in for a bath and eisley came in a bit later. she came to me with a piece of paper and said she made a picture for me with. her. blood. yet she was still super excited because she had done something big. we were proud and she knew it. our joy spilled over onto her and hers onto us. at the end of the night we were full and thankful.

:the one where i have a kindergartner:

it's here. it's really here. my first born, paver of the way for her younger siblings, is a kindergartner. this full of passion, lover of life, five year old gets to officially begin her journey of learning to read and reading to learn and loving to learn and learning to love.

she is thrilled that i will be her teacher and tells me often that she is sad to go to college because i won't be there. i assure her that i will be tagging along much like lorelai gilmore did with her daughter rory when she went off to college. i will be the cool mom that orders take out from local dives for all of her friends and roommates and smoothes the transistion to home away from home.

this journey is not hers but ours. i will walk along side her, leading her, gently guiding her along the way. we will fall down together. pick one another up, dust off the dirt of mistakes and press on together.

this is just the beginning little one, and i could not be more thrilled to be right here with you!

{happy first day of school}

*linking up with carissa for miscellany monday

:the one where we play the right kind of games :

when you are young there is this whole battle for control. a desire to control people. especially those of the opposite sex. you like him but he doesn't like you. then he likes you but you don't like him anymore. there are secrets and hurts and words that should have never been spoken. yet you love and he loves this shallow love that you one day realize wasn't love at all.

one day you meet love and it looks nothing like the deceiver that possessed so many years of your young life.

one day you meet love and it is real and deep and forever.

one day you meet love and it doesn't control. it doesn't hurt and words are never weapons.

one day you meet love and it doesn't hold back or pretend. it gives and accepts.

one day you meet love and it gives you late night talks about everything and nothing at all.

one day you meet love and it is a game of horse, with the little ones new basketball goal, while the tinies sleep.

one day you meet love and it is late night runs to the grocery store for your favorite ice cream and magic shell.

one day you meet love and it is laundry and sweeping floors. no longer chores but teamwork.

one day you meet love and it is compromise and bending over backwards, never competition.

one day you meet love and it is more than you could have ever dreamed.

one day you meet love and it is laughter, so. much. laughter.

one day you meet love and it is blue eyes and smiles passed down to little ones you made together.

one day you meet love and it is fun.

one day you meet love and it is forever and true.

you find that it is without a doubt, worth the wait.