::i dream for you::

motherhood changes a woman from the inside out.  stretching and reshaping in preparation for whats to come and what will never be the same. motherhood creeps into the creavises of a full heart and makes room for more. more love. more joy. more passion. more hope. and more dreams.


motherhood makes a dreamer out of a realist.

to my children, i dream for you.

i dream of happiness in knowing your are loved.
i dream of laughter to warm your soul.
i dream of love, unconditional and eternal.
i dream of friendships that last a lifetime.
i dream of your mark in the world.
i dream of you standing for the oppressed.
i dream of you recognizing injustices.
i dream of you meeting needs.
i dream of you putting others first.
i dream of you doing big and small things with great love.
i dream of you living like jesus.
i dream of you going places i've never been.
i dream of you exploring new ideas and finding your way.


should you take a different path than what i dream for you, know this...

you are loved. always. no matter what.
mommy loves you and i am in your corner.

*just writing with heather the eo today

::todays moments are tomorrows memories::

the alarm sounds, and by alarm i mean a hungry baby, and the day begins. i feed, burp, snuggle and put her back down for an early morning nap. shower and throw on work out clothes hoping i get time to sneak one in for the day. next up, coffee, reading and writing and maybe some laundry cause lord knows that stuff won't fold itself.

the little guy wakes first, cheerios, his daily request. potty break on the way to the breakfast table, where he refuses to pee-pee in the potty. he sits. i sit. he wins.

my princess likes her morning snooze so i start her entry into daylight with a little rendition of "the cows get up in the morning," to which she wiggles and squirms and emerges either ms. grumpy pants or ms. happy face. i hold my breath for the latter. when she is finally ready to get out of bed we go to the breakfast table where her brother joyfully shouts "goomornin' eisley!" ms. grumpy pants inevitably rears her ugly head and in total rebellion eisley will not reciprocate his excitement. this only fuels his passion to brighten her morning, "speak to me eisley!! speak to me!!" she finally does speak but it always takes time and several words of encouragement from mommy.

durgin finishes breakfast and before i can get him dressed, or remember to take him back to the potty, he pees in the floor. i put him in the bath to wash off and proceed to get him dressed.  whew. one down.

next up, the princess, and she is in no mood for clothing other than her pj's, she is so her mothers child. i pursuade her to get dressed and talk about how fun preschool will be today and we talk about her friends there. "who will you reach out to today coop?" she rattles off names of children she can include and bless during her day.

i put the smallest peanut in the floor to enjoy the company of the brother she already adores. a third child, so laid back, easy, only demanding a meal every three hours. winning everyone she encounters with her new ability to flash a smile, open mouth, only gums.

these are the days. moments strung together making the best of memories.
todays moments are tomorrows memories.

i'd love to hear some of your daily moments that you hold as precious memories.


*linking up with the better mom

::the moving forward::

i sit on a blanket made by his grandmother. years of love passed down. legacy.
birds chirp from tree to tree.
mowers hum.
children play.
rohen snores.
i write.

soaking it all in. trying to remember with words these moments of bliss. moments i never dreamed would be mine. i never knew it could be this good.  this is family. my heart walking around outside of my body ready to break me at any moment but totally worth the risk.

i look on as the man of my dreams, the one they call daddy, teaches her the perfect technique for building sand castles and the little guy how to stack wood just so for a bon fire. all the while i am wondering how i got so lucky.

descendant of brokenness. anger and hatred.
moving forward to a life of love, fullness and joy.

 I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of.

john 10:10 [MSG]

::thoughts on motherhood [mother letter edition]::

to the mothers that make me a better mother,

to the one that labored for hours, screaming, crying, cussing and praying, knocked out and woke up to a five pound bag of sugar, or so you say, thank you. for the i ain't skeerd of anything attitude you passed down. for the if you want to be something, make it happen. for the i want more for my kids than i had. for the i will love you more even though i was loved less. for the everyone makes mistakes. for the love of reading and writing. for the thousands of hugs and i love you more's.

to the one that welcomed me to love the one she first loved with all of her heart. thank you. he is my dream come true. for his love for others and me. for his grace to counter my crazy. for the choose your battles wisdom. for the peacemaker example found in you both. for the johnny-on-the-spot, go the extra mile, family first legacy.

to the one who wrote the letter while I carried my first child, thank you. for words that spoke volumes to my unprepared soul. for words that have carried me the past five years. for words that are branded on my heart and referenced regularly. for words when i have none, or shouldn't. for words gentle and true. for words warm that wrap me tight and comfort when miles separate us.

to the one who writes and lifts me with cards, thank you. for the questions that no one else think to ask. for the concern. for the remembering of appointments and all that is important to me and calls to check in. for the journey of our first born shared. for the meals provided and good conversation. for the i-never-meet-a-stranger friendliness.

to the one who shares my love of crafting and coffee and raising a boy, thank you. for the boys are pistols but love thier mama's motto. for the always on my side. for the late nights hunched over sewing machines and shared secrets about motherhood. for the table covered with food, the breaking of bread among friends.

to the one who reminds me of this fleeting season, thank you. for the wise words of motherhood past. for the hugs and kisses and the this too shall pass's. for the jesus words that lift me and remind me why i am on this path. for the memories of your mama and how you hold her dear and why. for the love, that loves and loves some more. for the lesson on the value of praise.

to the one i haven't come to know yet, thank you. for when our paths cross you will offer insight i did not have before. you will be the mirror that reveals a flaw to improve. you will delight in things gone unnoticed. you will be a grace giver and we will bond knowing i want that too. you will be strong where i am weak, paths crossing because god knows, when one falls down the other can help her up. you will be mother, as i am mother and we will raise our coffee mugs high in solidarity of this journey. the messy beautiful.

one thankful mama,

melissa

i am writing in honor of the release of Mother Letters and joining the My Mother Letters link up party. i met amber a couple years ago and she is truly a lovely person inside and out.

 Mother Letters is art in the form of stories, letters and photos from many hearts to yours. Words and images heard and understood in the soul, now articulated about every stage of motherhood

::my kid would never do that::

:photo source:

six kids five and under. six.
i wear one and we chase the other five.
three in the kiddie pool decide it would be fun to have a mud bath and proceed to mix dirt from the garden with the pool water. gross, but they are in heaven and not fighting or crying or pouting or whining so whatevs. the little ones bounce from the slide to the sandbox to the trampoline.

twenty-seven stories are started and never finished between the mamas.
we laugh at the chaos and say, "remember when it was just us?"

no desire to change the present only finding it humorous to think of uninterrupted conversations.

dinner is ready!

thank god for warm weather, the grill, the fact that i don't know how to work it and good men that take pride in a fire grilled hamburger.

i lay a blanket in the floor in front of the tv for the kids. surely with three at the tv and one asleep we can talk over dinner. ha! we take turns delivering more cheetos and filling milk cups. questions are asked and either partially answered or not answered at all because we can't remember the question when we finally get back to a moment where no one needs anything.

the kids finish eating and go play in the bedroom and she tells the story that makes me teary and nervous and thankful all at the same time. for a moment, there is quiet among the tinies. but come on mama, quiet among tinies most often indicates mischief.

one came to the table and said something about another one "peeing in the vent."
i brushed it off like, whatever, my kid would never pee in the vent. but the mister went to check things out and sure enough, it was my kid peeing in the vent. ummmmm.....

i have no words.

the evening ends with hugs and kisses, unfinished conversation and plans to have a no-kids outing in the future. we put the kids to bed, i tidy the house a bit,  basking in the beauty of it all, thankful. encouraged that we are not alone in this journey.

*linking up with the better mom and miscellany monday

::there was this one time, at band camp::

:photo source:

i mean, baptist hospital, when this happened....

remember when i told you about baby girl being in the NICU?
those hospital walls were closing in on us. besides sleeping in a shoebox- a small room that held a twin bed and a chair and that was it- we had a good night and decided to venture out for lunch. i knew i had to pee before i left the hospital and planned to use the restroom when we arrived at the restaurant.

did i mention it was valentines day?

so we get to the restaurant and i ask the waitress for the restroom and proceed to sit down, eat my lunch and never go. i remember as we are leaving the restaurant thinking, i'll go when we get back to the hospital.

did i mention i had a baby four days earlier?

we get back to the hospital and have to park further away from the entrance than we had before. no big deal. we get out of the van and my sweet husband needs to get something out of his suitcase and he takes foreeeeeeeeeeever. i even make the comment, "remember when i said i had to pee, before we got to the restaurant? yep, still need to." he rolled his eyes at my sarcasm that often comes out as just plain mean and we started off through the parking deck.

he was being funny or something along the way, he's like that. we laugh a lot togther. that's probably why we are so happy and in love. well that and grace, tons of grace.

anyways, he was making me laugh and i told him to stop. and i felt it coming. i stopped, crossed my legs as tight as i could while he continued walking not noticing what was about to take place. i pulled tight any muscle that would submit but alas, all were worn slap out from the birth of baby number three and refused to assist in my deepest time of need.  

the flood gates opened and yes folks, i wet my pants right there in the parking lot of baptist hospital. i'm not talking a little wet either. i'm talking down my legs to my shoes kind of wet. i know, gross.
jacob walks towards me laughing, cause really who wouldn't laugh at a grown woman soaking herself in public, but i start crying. hysterically, post pardum, dear-god-why kind of crying. and....here's the best part....due to horomones, that's my story and i'm sticking to it, i got mad at him. it was afterall his fault. he was being funny. come on!!!

he took it well, in silence. no retaliation to the crazy.

did i mention we give each other a lot of grace?

i dug out clean pajama pants and underwear from the suitcase in the van and my sweet husband bought me a pair of brand-spankin'-new RED toms. happy valentine's day to me. i then put my toms on with my red polkadot pajama pants and marched myself into ann taylor to buy a pair of pants. yep, in. my.pajamas.

finally able to laugh about the whole ordeal and realizing how horomonally-pyscho i was, told my sweet fella i was super sorry and we kissed and made up.

ahhhh married life.
grace. grace. all is grace.

::thoughts on motherhood [scandelous grace]

:photo source:

all is grace has taken new meaning.
she is learning grace from me.
i speak of grace unending, unconditional but i practice grace with limits.

she has sassy mouth. go figure. she is afterall my kid and lord knows sassy mouth has been my downfall for years. speaking without thinking. geez, i'm still guilty of this. i shoot for sacasm and come out just plain mean or so i've been told. i expect grace for this. i neeeeeeed grace for this.
and so does she.

she crosses her arms in defiance, lips out, eyebrows down. my mind flashes to that photo from 1982, instagram-earlybird-style, with my coke-bottle glasses, the perm my mom swears i asked for, and i see myself.

she is me.

i have learned that rules and shame lead to failing efforts of trying to be good.
grace and encouragement lead to goodness that comes from within, from above.
we are the cup and when filled with grace we spill grace.

god let me spill grace.

::thoughts on motherhood [the choice]::

eisley woke up super grumpy this morning and broke into tears within minutes of getting to the breakfast table. i understand this as i woke up the same way.

***

i paced, 7 week old baby girl in hand, frustrated by my lack of sleep and the audacity of her desire to eat at 6:30am when i was not at all ready to get up. within moments grace washed over my weary soul and i held her tight. thankful. i rounded the island in the kitchen for the umpteenth time, breathing her in. counting.

#278 her sweet smell
#279 the way her tiny frame can be held with one arm
#280 this time- alone, quiet, fleeting, cherished
#281 the way she recognizes my voice & searches for my face
#282 how songs silence her cries

***

i picked her up and gently placed my forhead to hers and confessed, "i sometimes wake up grumpy too. it's a choice. happy or grumpy. you decide," i told her. secretly preaching to myself.

happy or grumpy.
i decide.
i set the tone for my home.
i choose happy.

what are you choosing today?


*linking up with the better mom

::thoughts on motherhood [the you-are-not-alone edition]::

:photo source:

she talked with her hands and great expression as she shared about the challenges of motherhood.
we are all flesh and blood and none have it figured out. but there is unbelievable comfort in the ability to look to another person and say, "you too? i thought that was just me!" 

your kid pooped in his pants and didn't care?
mine pooped in the bathtub last night and was totally content to continue playing poop and all.

you lost your temper and yelled at your kids?
done.

you have seventeen loads of laundry to fold?
same here.

your kids had a meltdown at the grocery store?
check out what my kids did at the park the other day.

you don't know what you are cooking for dinner tonight?
me either.

you need a break?
we all do.

you're exhausted?
have you read sarah's post about "the tired thirties?"

you're always running late?
isn't that the mantra of a mother to little ones?

you haven't showerd today?
shower schmower. aren't ponytails in right now?

you need coffee to get through the day?
i take it through IV.

you need a pick-me-up?
you. are. not. alone.

take time to raise your coffee mug to another mother's snot covered t-shirt and yoga pants.
take time to say "me too!"
take time to encourage today.

share your most glorious moments right here so we can all be encouraged.

galatians :9-10

so let’s not get tired of doing what is good. at just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone—especially to those in the family of faith.

::adventures from the mini van {no. 1}::

motherhood is beautiful and i love to paint word pictures that magnify that beauty. lets be honest. motherhood is also messy and crazy and unpredictable and no one has it all figured out. so please enjoy the first rendition of adventures from the mini van.

sunday morning we packed a picnic lunch and diaper bags and a bottle for the baby and the bjorn and milk cups and a snack for yours truly and water cups and headed to the park. oh and i had just poured a cup of coffee in my favorite mug a half hour earlier so i had to reheat it, because what mom finishes a hot cup of coffee on the first try, and take it with me in my favorite mug. ya know, the one without a lid. this doesn't end well.

so we are off to the park in our mini van with our picnic lunch, diaper bags, bottle for the baby, bjorn to carry her in, milk cups for the big kids and a snack for me because doggone-it i keep forgetting to eat, water cups and my open mug of coffee. low and behold jacob turns a corner on two wheels while i am taking a sip of my coffee and yep, all down the front of my shirt. the shirt that was the tenth one i tried on because lord knows nothing fits after having a baby. okay, so he didn't really take the corner on two wheels. he was driving perfectly normal when i suddenly developed a hole in my lip that lead to this tragedy. but sometimes i blame him for insignificant things like the time i peed in my pants, which is a story for another time.

we arrive at the park and he takes the big kids over to the play area while i load up baby girl in the stroller with the diaper bags and all of the above mentioned loot that is absolutely necessary for a picnic at the park.

the kids are playing beautifully like they always do when eisley decides she wants to go to a different play area. i do my best to change her mind because i have laid out a blanket and the snacks and our bags and i am totally set-up in this spot for our play time. she insists and because i realize this is not an issue that truly demands my insistance on staying put, i walk with her to the other play area. durgin follows. there is a new rocking-car-thingy in this play area. have i mentioned i have a little boy, almost three, that is craaaaaaazy about cars? if you have a boy, i don't even have to explain. they proceed to the car and hop in. durgin gets in first, this makes him the driver in their minds. the steering wheel is actually in the dead center of the two seats so either of them could have been the driver but they did not see it this way. so for the next half hour i used my mad-refereeing-skills to keep turns in check and tears at bay. i was unsuccessful.

tears flowed.
sassy mouth took over.
after about seventy-five that's very unkind's and do not tell mommy no's and more back-talk than i care to admit, jacob and i had had enough. i pushed the stroller while holding one screaming kiddo by the hand and he carried the other screaming toddler to the car.

we arrived home and welcomed nap time.
tis the life of three under five.
both beautiful and messy.

*linking up for better mom mondays*
*linking up for mingle mondays*